Why the acronyms?

[mallowcup]

I gues it's the same reason I am a W and my son is S or lol, smao, just shorthand, no more than that.

[FormerDoormat]

Taz:

Just wanted to chime in to say that I generally (though not always) refer to my ex-boyfriend by his given name, Richard. An old posting of mine from a few years back entitled "His Name is Richard and he is an Alcoholic" explains why I prefer to call him by his given name:

His Name is Richard and he is an Alcoholic

I received a call from my ex-boyfriend's boss on Monday. She said that his roommate found him unresponsive in his bedroom with an empty half-gallon of burbon next to the bed on Sunday night, so he called for an ambulance. When the paramedics arrived, he was in the middle of a seizure. The paramedics said that had he been found an hour later, it would have been too late.

When I arrived at the hospital, I found him in intensive care in critical condition, and he's been placed on a respirator, since he can no longer breathe on his own. His mouth has been propped open with a plastic device and he has an enormous tube inserted into his throat and a tangle of tubes coming out of both his arms.

His fingers, hands, and arms are swollen, and his neck and face are bloated, too. If I didn't know it was him laying there, I wouldn't recognize him. His stomach is distended and hard to the touch. His arms are tied to the bed. He is unconscious, unable to breathe on his own, unable to speak, and unable to move.

He is suffering from congestive heart failure, uncontrolled diabetes, pneumonia, a failing liver, and failing kidneys. And on top of that he's going through alcohol withdrawal.

I called his name. I held his hand. I kissed his cheek. His boss said that if he were to wake up and see my face that it would a dream come true for him. But he didn't wake up. He didn't even know I was there.

I knew he was in the final stages of his disease when I asked him to leave seven months ago. I couldn't bear to watch him self-destruct any longer, and I didn't want my daughter to witness it, either. I was hoping that I'd lose track of him and that his boss would lose track of him, too, so I'd never know his fate and I could be spared the pain of losing him all over again. Because I still love him.

But things don't always go according to plan, and here I am about to lose the only man I've ever loved. And here I am feeling guilty for giving up on him and not staying with him to the end. And here I am feeling terrible that perhaps he thought nobody cared about him, when the reality of the situation is that I care about him so very much.

I'm going to visit him again tomorrow afternoon. I just spoke to the nurse, and there's been no change in his condition. So perhaps he'll never hear me say "I love you" one last time. But I have to try. I want to kiss him on his cheek. I want to run my fingers through his hair. I want to whisper in his ear, "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you," so that he knows without a doubt that he is loved.

I remember a post that Equus shared. She said that it's important to remember that there's a person behind the disease, and it struck me that when we refer to our alcoholic loved ones on this forum as our "A's," that we do them a great disservice. We dehumanize them. We define them simply as alcoholics, as if that's all they have to offer the world.

But they are people much like ourselves, only they've chosen a different path than we have. They have hopes and dreams. They are capable of loving and being loved, and I know that the world is a better place with them in it.

So today, as my boyfriend's life may be drawing to an end, I'd like to start a new beginning. And the first thing I'm going to do is to never refer to my boyfriend as an "A" again.

His name is Richard, and he is an alcoholic.

[chero]

FD, I'm saying a prayer for you and Richard. I pray that Richard gets to see you one more time and know one more time that you love him.

Thank you for reminding us all that they are real people who have real needs and real feelings and real emotions. That they once had dreams and hopes just like all of us.

Peace to you both, FD.

~Cheryl

[Rella927]

FormerDoormat

Wow! Talking about going from laughing to crying at my desk! Your story and your strength are amazing! I cried because mine is in the hospital now I was told by the detective who is on the harrasment case-no one called me other than that-(to let me know court was cancelled) and I guess it is true reading things, seeing things, hearing things are triggers in some way for us all! I still love him, I do not hate him-but I could not subject myself to the chaos and unhealthy direction we were heading-

I sit here today just praying that for whatever reason (I can safely assume it is because of his drinking) that he will seek what he needs without me because that is how it has to be. But it is hard ....the not knowing.

Thank you for this post FD!

[FormerDoormat]

That was an old post, Chero. Richard made it out of that crisis, attended an in-patient rehab, and went on to achieve sobriety for 8 months. Then he had a full relapse and after several dark months, joined an out-patient program. He achieved sobriety again for a few months, then last Sunday night he called me and was drunk once again.

We separated two years ago this past March. And while I cherish the sober time we enjoyed together, these days I rarely see or speak to him. It's much too painful for me to watch his struggles.

Taz, sorry for the hijack. Back to you...

[Tazman53]

FormerDoormat thank you, I know Richard and those of us who are more then an alcoholic thank you also. This was the death in store for Martin an alcoholic, and it still could be still if I do not daily maintain my spiritual condition properly.

My heart goes out to you, to Richard, to all of the others who love Richard, somehow I have a feeling that even though Richard may not be able to acknowledge you love him that he knows you do and have been there.

[BigSis]

I can't spell it.

It also can be used for "addict" (and in my book, they are the same thing - so I don't have to "specify" or get into discussions about what they DO and can stay in what *I* do a little more...)

PS - I am really glad you have an easy name to spell, Taz. (which I just spelled with an "x"! egad - maybe I just can't TYPE!)


PS... just saw your post, Doormat. I am so sorry. Please know you and Richard are in my prayers. (((hugs)))

[Spiritual Seeker]

I use A for "addict" instead of alcoh. When we love an A we don't need the word to remind us because the undercurrent of pain + frustration reminds us. Sometimes we say that we love the person but we hate the A. It is fantastic to see opinions expressed here from both sides of this devastating infliction. Glad you give us your thoughts. I like your posts.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by chero

Thank you for reminding us all that they are real people who have real needs and real feelings and real emotions. That they once had dreams and hopes just like all of us.

Thanks, Cheryl. We'll never be normal, sobriety is something I'll work on for the rest of my life. Codies are real people too. In recovery we've all got the chance to make those dreams and hopes come true again.

[Tess L]

Just a typing shortcut for me.

[Jazzman]

Taz, you don't really know me but I was a full blown coke addict years ago. Clean since 1984, I saw by bottom coming at me quick and walked away from a life style would have surely killed me. My ex wife (M) has struggled with an addiction to alcohol and I was in no position to judge her, or anyone for that matter.

I remember reading the thread FD mentions back when she originally posted it. It had a profound effect on me and many of us refer to our loved ones as the first initial of their first names.

I offended some members with my famous quote thread, but I am offended by the use of "A" as a label that depersonalizes a loved one.... go figure?

[Cecilia]

I think you should call them whatever makes YOU feel better. From what I read its already too much about them and what they want as it is.

I call mine Elvis because he has left the building.

The short cuts help me to know who you talking about. Ed doesnt tell me who he is. Besides Im old I have a short attention span. If you keep typing Recently Divorced Recently Relapsed Ex Next Door Neighbor I get lost and I forget what you were posting about.

[cagefree]

even though alcoholic is easier to spell than pterodactyl (sp?), I'm too lazy to type it out every time

[denny57]

I never refer to AH as anything but his real name, except here. In Al-Anon I say my qualifier or my husband. I guess I just never feel I'm dehumanizing him, because I don't feel that way about him. I think everyone should do what they are most comfortable with; I certainly won't judge them for that.

[rosalie]

Lets not create problems!
I always spell out Alcoholic.
Now I know there is an abbreviation it will Be "A" Why did no one tell me? I was wondering what some of the abbreviations were haha!
Sorry I am new and still trying to find my way around here.

[TexasGirl]

With so many of us coming and going, it helps keep our stories straight and know who is who, who is married, who is a mother, etc. I share all kinds of stories here, but I never put his name with the shares I give. Even though it's factual, I don't feel right attaching his name in a public place. That's just me.

Jazz, I too remember reading Jill's post the first time around. I know exactly where I was. I was riding with AH on the way to a bar (yes, I know I shouldn't have gone with him, but...), and I was fearful of how the night would turn out. I had my cell phone in my hand in the passenger seat, reading posts. AH never knew about SR, so he couldn't fathom why the tears were just streaming down my face.

[aztchr]

I just followed what I had read before and thought that was protocol. Now I've been focusing more on myself and haven't used the initials quite as much here.

[Jazzman]

Originally Posted by TexasGirl

AH never knew about SR, so he couldn't fathom why the tears were just streaming down my face.

You're such a sweet heart TG. It had the same effect on me. It was the 1st step I took toward forgiveness, which helped to free my soul from the anger and resentment. Thank you Jill

[mallowcup]

Multiple Sclerosis, MS. Muscular Dystrophy, MD. Mentally retarded, MR. Developementaly delayed, DD. Almost all conditions are abbreviated.

[steve11694]

I cannot say how sorry I am