Rella927

The answer IMHO as a daughter, sister and an X girlfriend of A's the answer is 100% NO!

I never drank around mine Cage and he also claimed he could drink in moderation-(at first) then it went as Mr. C said ..."One drink, two drink, three drink ...floor" and down came ME with him! His family also were probably the biggest enablers, while I tried to be there both in unhealthy ways-and then while helping myself (Counseling and Al-Anon) it is a shame-the ones they love most I feel receive the most heart ache and burden-and even more so when we end up knowing we are powerless over the disease and we walk away. It is up to them to grasp onto their Sobriety not ours, but if we remain with them it should be our responsibility to respect that they have done so!

I also agree with HarleyGirl! It is IMHO again the most disrespectful thing to do in front of an A. Yes they maybe at partys where it cannot be helped but be around the alcohol but, that is their choice to attend them or not! But to be supporting an A if you are lucky enough to be able to get to that point and support your A. My sister in-law did not support my brother rather she kept the house FULL of AlCOHOL! Which in return due to my brother and his disease made it impossible for him to stay sober-and anyone that was willing enough to detach but learn about the disease would know that of course he is not going to stay SOBER!

I love also what NoCellPhone stated in their post!

Not to go on and on so I will leave the answer to your question IMHO and expierence as a big fat NO!

CE Girl

Been there, done that, got the tee shirt,,and I can say in my own personal experience, no freakin WAY!!!

~GULP~ about to be REAL honest here

In the begining with my A, I was naive and didn't realize he had a problem. Looking back on it, it's rather comical, since he showed up to meet me for our FIRST date, TOTALLY plastered!! Not knowing him well enough, I didn't know it though. My A is VERY good at hiding it. Or at least, back in the day he was. Finding out he had the illness was a process.

When I did, I encouraged, supported and yes, even FORCED him into detox and rehab. At least the first time. He came out, didn't drink, and appeared to be working his program.

I however, being single for so many years, had developed a "social" life that did include drinking. Played darts in a league, would have a few beers, out ot dinner with friends, wine with dinner, party's, ballgames, ect. I am not an alcoholic, and could go to many of these functions and drink nothing but water and lime. It really all depended on my mood, and even when I had a drink or two, never got drunk. I just didn't enjoy the feeling.

So, when you start dating someone, you do so because you have some things in common right? My A and I liked to play darts. Where are most dartboards? In bars, at least around here. After rehab, we went to play. That night, I drank water and lime, my A his usually vodka. I was concerened. He said he could control it. Nothing happened.

Next night, went to have dinner with some friends. I had a glass of wine, when it was his turn to order, yup, vodka. I looked at him, he stuck his tongue out at me. Again, a rather uneventful night.

Next time, and I forget where we were, we discussed not drinking. I wasn't planning on it, and he tried to tell me, he could have just a few and be fine. Said he was "experimenting" with whether an alcoholic could drink normally. I told him, I prefer he didn't drink. He stuck his tongue out at me again

That night was one of the nightmares. I'll spare you the details, BUT it was the defining moment when I realized what was meant by alcoholism being a "progressive" disease. And after that night it spiraled out of control till my A ended up in detox again, less that 2 months after the first.

I struggled with my former lifestyle and the reality of falling in love with an alcoholic.

Ultimatly, it was about, "how important IS drinking in your life?". For me, I knew, I couldn't respect his attempts at sobriety, if I was still partying and drinking. And frankly, it was a real dilemna for me. A "soul search" if you will. I decided I would have to give up drinking if I want to be with this man. Its a matter of respect and understanding that I can ot expect him to not drink, if I was drinking or bringing him into environments that promoted the activity. Not to say, some situations can not be avoided, but its about leading by example.

Sadly, in the end, it really made no difference.

Peace

Tazman53

Hi sad#3 I am Martin and I am an alcoholic, the answer is NO!

If she is in AA then ask her what her sponsor thinks about it.

Just to prepare you though, she probably has already started drinking again, if not it will be real soon.

elizabeth1979

I'm not an alcoholic, but that sounds like a relapse talking.

elizabeth1979

Sad, you posted this on your last thread.
How do you feel about her moderating her drinking? Do you feel you can handle it? Not do you think SHE can handle it, but you?

Tazman53

Just keep in mind alcoholism always gets worse with every drink, I totally concur, if she has not relapsed already she is well on her way.

denny57

Sad#3, did she bring this up, or did you? Is sharing a few drinks together something you'd like to have in your relationship?

Today, I wouldn't worry about drinking in front of someone so much as having a plan for when they do.

kensquire

It's not for me but it happens. It would seem to me that to say otherwise might be closed minded, judgmental, and factually inaccurate.

For example, i know several people who's drinking got out of control. They abstained for a while and took inventory. They realized they were drinking without control and corrected their drinking habits and now drink "normally."

And, "normal" drinkers do think about how much they are drinking and watch it. I think us alcoholics have this view that "normal" drinkers don't even think about it and just happen to not get drunk. Again, this is not accurate.

I choose not to drink because my life is better this way, but I do think that some alcoholics do learn to drink moderately.

freya

Well, for me as I understand alcoholism and based on my experience with the alcoholics I know, I'd have to say that, if someone who was abusing alcohol and then was able to decide to moderate his/her drinking and was able to do successfully over the course of the rest of his/her life, then that person was not an alcoholic to begin with. (For example, many people who abuse alcohol as college students later "grow out of that phase" and learn to drink socially and moderately with no problem.)

On the other hand, alcoholics can certainly decide to moderate their drinking -- and, in fact, many of them do so frequently and repeatedly! LOL!!! -- but they are unable to implement that decision successfully over time.....very often even over a relatively short time. (For example, we have a friend who got sober with my partner 25 years ago and who decided in September that she was going to drink moderately....and by the beginning of February she was drinking to the point of blackout on a daily basis.)

freya

jamdls

I can't imagine myself ever drinking again, I don't want to. However, my father was a raging alcoholic up until he turned 60 and then nearly died and the doctor told him if he didn't quit smoking and drinking he'd be dead in a year so he quit both. Well after about 15 years he started occassionally having a beer, never more than one and now at 86 he still just occassionally has 1, but never around me. Some people can do it but I'm not one of those people, I tried that and lost.

respektingme

This may be the most repeated question I've read since coming here. Sad that A's try to convince others that the can handle it in moderation. No wonder we'd ask the question here. They seem assured that they indeed can handle it. The answer is no. I've heard the same thing many times (seems like hundreds of thousands of times).

sailorjohn

I'm not inclined to treat anecdotal evidence as factual. But the thing I find really puzzling, is there a reason you-a first time poster-would bump an almost two year old thread? Do you have an agenda?

Ago

Hi,

I was on my way down to that other thread, you know, the ones where Pigs fly and all I could find was this thread ....who put lipstick on this Pig?

Alcoholics can't drink moderately, that's why they are called "alcoholics", that's the definition of an alcoholic.

I have seen "heavy drinkers" return to moderate drinking....kind of....for a minute.....before they self diagnosed as alcoholics and either quit or plunged full speed ahead.

When I grow up I'm going to have a secret agenda

SonofaMess

Theres plenty of agree with most in saying the collectively solid answer is 99.9% of the time a NO. However a lot of people who are alcoholics are alcoholics due to a lack of self control and other things. Sometimes those things are pre determining causes like depression, anxiety, paranoia etc.

I have known people with those underlying problems that led to alcoholism to be social or casual drinkers once they figured out those were the real problems that led to drinking and or other drugs and received treatment for that.

Again I am definitely with almost everybody on saying a true alcoholic can never really just drink socially. But I also believe some people with those underlying problems can gain control of they're drinking if they recognize and face other serious issues that trigger the alcoholism.

sailorjohn

My take, would love to give credit to whoever recently reminded me of this old saying, when a heavy drinker stops drinking his problems go away, when an alcoholic stops drinking his problems become apparent.

steve11694

Even if there are some that can become normal social drinkers, it seems they are the extreme exception. IMO, it is not worth taking the risk to find out if you are the extreme low probability exception.

SonofaMess

I apparently had some comp typing errors when I posted that. Half of some of my sentences are gone. My edit option is not there????

Anyway I do agree most can never find that bridge between normal/social/casual drinking and alcoholism let alone stay on the right side of it. But I've also witnessed people who had some bad drinking periods in they're life believe they were alcoholics when in fact they weren't. Which created more problems than necessary.

I just felt it was important to express there are exceptions even if few and far between.

laurie6781

Actually I don't believe they are exceptions.

Been sober a long time now. When I first got into recovery here is how it was explained to me:

All alcoholics are problem drinkers. Not all problem drinkers are alcoholics. A problem drinker given enough motivation, ie loss of family, job, etc can learn how to drink moderately.

I personally over the years have seen this happen to several friends, who themselves thought they were alcoholics. Somehow, they hadn't crossed that "invisible line" YET and were able to grow up in AA, and mature and today do have an occasional drink or two. Amazes me every time I have seen it.

So to this day I stand by saying that a "Problem Drinker" can learn to moderate.

An alcoholic like myself ............................. NO WAY.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

respektingme

I don't understand where you are getting your information. Are you a professional counselor? Where do you gain access to all the people who are the exception? If you add up ALL the people whom ALL the posters here have had exposure to over many years (AA, group therapy, rehab, Al-Anon, etc.) who were not able to drink in moderation (thinking several hundreds at least), and then add up all the people you know who are the exception, it doesn't add up. That is, unless you happen to operate some facility that tailors specifically to the freak exception to the rule, if there even IS an exception to the rule (which I don't believe).

Otherwise, you're speaking in generalities and I agree with everyone else. I don't know what your agenda is. Why would you come here and try to convince anyone that alcoholics can drink in moderation? Who are you really trying to convince.... yourself?

nelco

I'm a recovering alcoholic. The answer is NO.