Geewhizz

AH is relapsing, just told me its day one again. I just replied 'okay' and carried on as usual...no punishing no rewarding. I can feel the shift in our relationship already and am sure he feels it too.

Aside from setting a boundary where he doesn't take our kids in his van is there anything I can do to keep a clear conscience should AH hurt himself or another while driving under the influence?

I have said in the past that I will call the police if I am aware that he has been drinking....I think tomorrow he will go back to work in his big van and probably drink some wine or vodka while out and about.....I am really struggling with not making this my responsibility.

happybeingme

Unless you know for a fact that he is driving under the influence there is nothing you can do. If he leaves your home drunk and drives away you can call police but not if you only suspect it when he is driving during his work day

AnvilheadII

i think i'd be looking at the BIGGER picture.....he may be drinking ON the job, and that puts his job at risk. and the vehicle. and all the fallout of that possible financial destruction falls on you and the children. how can you protect yourself? what steps are you willing to take?

Geewhizz

Thanks but I have already separated finances when things were bad last year. He can only bring financial problems upon himself. Of course the fallout will affect his moods and that will impact on us all but I control the household stuff and earn my own money to take care of me and kids.

The reality is he can lose his job and his license, maybe even serve a sentence if something bad happens but none of that can impact the way physical harm to himself or someone else could, the irreparable damage to another family (or our own) and the knock on effects of that. that is what keeps me worried and wondering whether there is something I could or should do. All without disempowering and controlling him.

maia1234

In my mind he has showed continued disrespect for drinking and driving. I would say to future notice, no kids in the car at any time with you. It is not safe and you will not put the kids at risk again. Just in conversation, not angry or threatening, just matter of fact. No more.

Go on with your business, who cares where he is, what he is doing or what his future is, they say we need to Stop second guessing tomorrow .

They are very smart, as Joie said this am "he has a degree from the College of Users. " So you know the game, just don't engage.

Hugs my friend, take care of you and the kids!!