Intervention???????

Old 03-10-2007, 07:57 PM
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Intervention???????

has anyone ever done an intervention for a family member, friend or loved one?

my son is out of control. he just got out of a detox unit, spent 5 days there, and the day he came out was drinking again. he's lost yet another job, lies about anything and everything, is depressed, and i am seriously worried that he is entering a phase in his 20 years + of being an alcoholic that he's never been in, and i'm afraid he's getting close to a point of "no return".

in the past he's done the rehab bit and at least has stayed sober for a couple of months - the longest being 1-1/2 years. now he goes into drink mode and he uses the detox place as a crutch i think when he's once again lost everything and has to start over. in the past he's been able to start over but it's getting to be different lately. he doesn't seem to care about anything, nothing but his booze. i'm extremely concerned he has deep-seeded emotional issues, and if he doesn't do something soon, he will, in all honesty i believe, be dead within 2 years, if that.

we have never done an intervention and i'm wondering how they work, and do they help?

anyones input will be greatly appreciated.

thanks in advance.
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Old 03-10-2007, 08:04 PM
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Hi Lucy - Thanks for sharing - I'll be watching for the answers. It is difficult being a Mom isn't it - I'm a Mom of Heroin addict that just started using again. Hope you get an answer soon. Sending (((HUGS)))
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Old 03-10-2007, 08:04 PM
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Hey Mom...My son is 27 and 2 years sober.

If you are considering an intervention, get professonal advice and assistance. That's the only way I've heard it done with a high percentage of success.

Good luck.
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Old 03-10-2007, 08:19 PM
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Interventions don't have to be, but really need to be done professionally. Contact a local addiction treatment facility. They will help you put one together.

You indicate that this last detox was perhaps one of several attempts. What were the circumstances that led up to his decision to seek help in the past? Lost jobs, arrest? Just curious.

Sobriety entails a whole lot more than just going through detox (you don't go into detail about this in your post). One has to work a complete program of recovery (inpatient, outpatient, AA). And even then, the outcome is uncertain at best. If he hasn't received the message of sobriety, then nothing will work for him, until he is ready to work at it.
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Old 03-10-2007, 08:22 PM
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Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the Grace of my HP and people
here in SR I havent had a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that I am truely grateful.

After a horrible accident I had back
in Feb 90 which landed me in the
hospital for 10 days with them re-
moving my spunctured spleen or
I would have bled to death, I
vowed I would never drink again.

A few months passed and I healed
quite nicely. So I thought....

Then in Aug. 90 I went back to
my favorite club for music and
fun...I then ended up returning
home to a horrible arguement....

Ok, maybe i should just end my
life right now i said...and my spouse
just told me to go to bed...

ill fix him i said to myself and took
a hand full of pain pills downed with
the rest of my wine and off to sleep
i went hopeing not to wake the next
morning....

Well my 2 little ones couldnt wake me
to take them to their last day of
Vacation Bible School. But....in a distance
I heard a faint ringing of the phone...

Who was calling me? I managed to
answer it with slurred voice and numbness...

Today i still think it was my HP calling
me to get up because He wasnt thru
with me just yet.

A few hours pasted and my husband came
home trying to take me to the hospital
with me fighting him tooth and nail...

Without sucess he reach the for the phone
for help....from there he reached the hopital
first then got a court order to have me picked
up by the police and taken to rehab .

Yes i was anger, hurting, pissed at my family...
in fact i told them as i passed them on the way
tothe police car how much i hated them with
daggers in my eyes....

And off i went feeling like a criminal.

Little ole me....hmmmm

I spent 28 days in rehab recieving the
tools and knowledge of my disease and how
to live life on lifes terms one day at a time.

I took the suggestions given to me as my life
depended on it...it was either that or go to
a halfway house out of state away from my
babies....

That i didnt want to,,,,so i went to meeting
after meetings and attended a 6 week out patient
aftercare program....

Today 16 yrs later im still traveling on my road
of recovery....sharing my own experiences, strengths
and hopes with others in order to stay sober myself


Today i also know that my family did for me back
then what i couldnt do for myself...

For them i am truely grateful.

Thank you for letting me share.
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Old 03-10-2007, 09:28 PM
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If you would like to IM me. I can walk you through what is needed to plan an intervention. What alot of people think is that it can be done quickly, quite the opposite. A well planned intervention can be very successful. I do an average of two per month.
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Old 03-11-2007, 05:56 PM
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mcdo1268, please e-mail me information concerning an intervention. i don't know if i will do it or not. he does not like to be confronted on anything, so i'm not sure how it would work, if at all.

i would so like to hear about it tho. please e-mail me at:

buckod******.com

thank you and hope to hear from you soon.
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Old 03-12-2007, 09:56 AM
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We did a professional intervention just this past October on my AH.. he did go with the interventionist to another state for 28 days.
the facility was one of the best in the country suster to Betty Ford's Place.
they are very expensive. Luckily our insurance paid for all but $100.
The cost of 28 days is $30,000.00
I was ready to re-mortgage the house if it would help.

needless to say, after 3 weeks home AH relapsed big! I also went to a family week at the facility which helped me tons. That was $1,000 out of pocket.

I believe now that if the addict does not accept any aftercare, they will relapse.
Do they initially go to please the loved ones around, because of embarassment or do they really admit their addiction and want help. I believe my AH never admitted he was an addict.
Drunks are in the street with a brown bag
He relapsed big... and worse than he was before. So now he is out on the street with the so called "drunks" he talks about.
He is now staying with his parents and doing everything he can to get me back. Had he only listened to his counselor at the Treatment Center, we would not be where we are.

So I guess it is my feeling, if they are not ready to surrender to their disease, they probably will relapse. And when alcoholics relapse, it is harder than before the stopped drinking.
Good luck to you whatever you decide. it needs to be finely tuned with a professional, You know the alcoholics are very good and can catch a drift of plans ever so easy.... the hardest part for us was planning without him knowing about it.
Lots of $$$ but worth it if it works ... to each his own.

Let us know what you decide.
Missy xo
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Old 03-12-2007, 12:38 PM
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I know there are no gurantees in life...No gurantees that
I can stay sober for the rest of my life alone....with out
help and support of my recovery program.

My family intervened on me because they were afraid of
what i tried to do to myself. Of course being under the infuence
I had no idea the damage of what alcohol was doing to me...

It was slowly killing me....

My family didnt have the answers either at the time on how
to help me...all they did was reached for the phone....and
the rest...well ...was up to the court, system, and me.....

After going thru the 28 day rehab....i was still unstable....all
I did there was go thru the motions and clear the fog from
my head....I did manage to pick up the tools and understanding
of my disease to stay with be all these yrs.

When i was let go from rehab, no one thought that I would
stay sober.......so when they wanted to send me away to
a halfway house away from my kids, i promised to do whatever
it took to go and attend the 6 week aftercare program.....

I for myself needed to do this....and i did whatever it took to stay
sober one day at a time....and to keep my family.

Im not gonna tell u it was easy, because it wasnt at the beginning...

I may have been going thru the motions for many yrs, attending
meeting, service work and absorbing the programing.

I am still sober 16 yrs later, but in all honesty...im only
sober for today....16 yrs is just a number of many one days
at a time collected together to get me where I am today...

Tomorrow isnt here yet, so theres no guarantees what will happen
then....all i have to worry about is today...to work my program to
the best of my ability giving away the experiences, strengths
and hopes to the next person in recovery...To remain teachable
as i am and continue turning my will and life over to the care
of a Power Greater than I to guide me and strengthen me with
wisdom and love.
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Old 03-12-2007, 03:15 PM
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I think an intervention can be done easily with just family members--maybe close friends. I am the mother of an AS 27--who has been sober for over 6 months now--his life sounds simula to your sons. In my opinion as they get older and into their 20s they really take a turn for the worse. I can only tell you that I always supported my AS thru all the melodramas--and by that I mean I was ALWAYS there for him--up/down--I had no control over anything in his life but I wanted him to know--no matter what he did-I was still his Mother---it's alot different when it is your child who is an A...I think--having had an EAH and an AS...I would try to get him into an inpatient treatment center --one that lasts a few months-not 5 days...To help him you may have to hurt him--or you lose them for good.
I too was sure I was going to bury my son--now he is sober
....there is always that light at the end of the tunnel....you need to get help for yourself as well--so you can stay strong...feel free to send me a personal PM if you would like to talk about this.....sending you prayers.....
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Old 03-13-2007, 06:20 AM
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lucybooz,.

READ the book "Love First" Jeff Jay, Hazelden. It is all about intervention and its dynamics. It goes into every detail of organizing and performing intervention. The author himself almost died in a lowly hotel room of addiction and has become one of the US foremost interventionists, addiction counsellors.

Get the paperback version. cheap and you can read it in no time. amazon.com has them quite cheap.
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Old 03-13-2007, 07:40 AM
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I think an intervention needs to include a plan. "Here's what's wrong and here's a solution I think will work". My own son went to counceling and old wounds were opened every week but they never discussed solutions except what he should stop doing. THE most important component in success, in my humble opinion is to start by validating their feelings. Drinking is a coping mechanism. Coping with what? There needs to be validation that their feelings are valid. Then, I think an intervention can proceed to the evidence that it is ineffective coping. I think this makes it feel like less an attack. Just my observation. Not once were my sons reasons and feelings validated.
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Old 03-13-2007, 08:09 AM
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for what its worth....and in my opinon only, I believe most interventions that arent successful is due to the family members who cave in, back down onthier boundaries. They cant stand to see the alcoholic get angry and they give in to doing things his/her way....thas why a professional interventionist is needed. To manage the backbone of the family members.

Unless that family member is a black belt alanon, the success rate is very diminished.

Seek a pro...google "Interventionists", they are everywhere. good luck!!
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Old 03-13-2007, 04:41 PM
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thanks aasharon90 !
Good to heare how you did it.. Congradulations.

Families MUST keep boundaries or the alcholic knows how to get out of keeping sober.

Good luck to all and just do your homework first. Remember we are not that powerful
Missy xo
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Old 03-13-2007, 04:48 PM
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Mallowcup---I agree with your assessment of counseling --Myself-I was in psych care for personal reason-as well as dealing with my AS---every week those old wounds were opened up and it hurt and confused me more-there has to be a plan--Not looking back but looking ahead and change--I finally found a psych who did ''talk'' therapy and that seemed much better-for me anyway--she also see my AS---and if I am to sick--she comes to my house--I am lucky to have her.
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Old 03-13-2007, 09:07 PM
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According to the interventionists, an intervention

# uses the power of the group against the addict to break through denial and compel him/her to enter treatment

# it does not address psychologic issues nor in intended to. those are dealt with in treatment

# having an experienced interventionist does not hurt. he/she may guide the intervention keeping things on track and not allowing the addict the leeway to manipulate those present.

@ certainly if family members "cave in" to the addict at the intervention, it will not work. even when all goes well, the addict may choose to not enter treatment, or leave treatment prematurely. eveh if this happens, statistically, the chances for success in the future are improved (according to Jeff Jay's book on intervention)
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Old 03-14-2007, 05:20 AM
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We did an intervention on my ABF in November. He is the type that will not listen to anything he doesn't want to hear. I knew going in that it would probably blow up in my face but I had to try. It was my last hope.

No facility I contacted had an Interventionist, and nobody knew where I could find one. I finally found an addictions counselor who had done some interventions before and the price was right...only $250.00.

I, along with ABF's boss, my daughter and my best friend (he has none) confronted him with letters we had written, all of them starting out listing his positive qualities. He did agree to go to rehab and while there was the model resident. He mentored some of the younger guys, thinking that a 53 year old man in his condition should be a deterrent to the 20+ age group (I shook my head at this one, obviously not working his OWN program). I supported him by attending the family weekends and he seemed like a totally different person. He was putting on a really good show because within 2 days of coming home (Christmas Eve) he relapsed.

The relapse was so bad that within a week he had been arrested for DUI and leaving the scene of an accident. This was something I had been praying for for months! God finally intervened and achieved the results that I could not.

He hasn't drank since the incident (that I'm aware of) and he's going to school and working every day. There is still a lot of stinkin thinkin going on in his head but the fog seems to be lifting. The sentencing is still pending and he's probably looking at 6 months in jail as well as a lifetime suspension of his license (9th DUI since 1974).

I think the Intervention worked, not initially, but now he has the education and the tools to make this work if he wants it badly enough. I don't trust the sobriety and I am still very leery of his motives. I don't believe he is working the AA program to the best of his ability (few meetings, no sponsor) and if I don't drive him then he doesn't go but I have to keep my nose out of that. He has been told exactly what my boundaries are and if he starts drinking again he will lose his job. Now the choices are his to make.
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Old 03-16-2007, 08:38 AM
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just thank God no one was hurt while he was driving
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Old 03-16-2007, 11:10 AM
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I have very strong feelings about interventions. My family did one on me and to this day I suffer trauma from it. I have even had to deal with this in therapy, 15 years after the fact. The intervention didn't stop me from drinking. I did go to a 30 day program and stay sober for a while, but I simply wasn't ready to stop drinking.

I feel that the intervention was the ultimate codependant power play. It happened because that is what my mother wanted and needed. She manipulated everyone into seeing things her way and they all bought into the idea that this was for "My own good" and because they "loved me". Nobody ever considered that it was a total control thing. In a split second my mother turned every person whom I trusted against me. I have so much hurt and anger over the incident. I have nightmares of walking into that room and seeing all the people I loved looking at me. The "rules" of the intervention didn't allow me to speak, I was just to sit there and listen. They took away my voice. I felt quite victimized and treated like a criminal and it ws all done in a very "loving" way with carefully scripted words. It was terrible and I felt trapped and I did what they wanted and I have still not recovered.

I got sober when it was my idea and my choice. I have been sober for 13+ years.

This is just my experience, but I felt compelled to share what can happen.

The intervention was led by a pro.

Everyone's situation is different. I think the relationship I have/had with my codependent mother who has tried to control me since birth was a very negative factor in my case.

-K
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Old 03-16-2007, 11:24 PM
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check out the HBO special on addiction--the first show deals with this...or you can go to HBO.com and see how it can be made avail to you
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