Mind Games, "Hooks" and "Dangles"

[justme2007]

These were mentioned in another thread as being things alcoholics do with their co-dependents. I'm an AA vet but new to Al-Anon, and those are new concepts for me (well, the last two). Are those for intentional abuse, or why do they do it? I'm trying to recall why I may have done that when I was in my disease . . . It's hard to remember why I did that crazy sh*t. I suppose a combination of trying to hurt someone who was able to deeply hurt me because I disliked myself so much, not really knowing what I wanted and not being able to predict from day to day what I would need or want, but needing people "hooked" in case it turned out I needed them (not really thinking or caring how my actions would affect them). The insanity and soul-sickness of the disease.

It hurts my head to think about my drinking/using days because I was os sick that nothing I did made sense! There was no rhyme or reason to my words and actions. I was just flying by the seat of my pants realizing I was a tornado but not believing AA was a solution that I could actually do and that would work.

[prodigal]

JMO, but my AH keeps me around so I can remain angry or annoyed with him or in a stew about something. I think it gives him "permission" to drink so he doesn't have to deal with the b****. Of course, since I walked out of the house on Saturday morning and still haven't gone home, his excuse for bingeing now is that he's been abandoned. An A is a master manipulator, but I think they manipulate their own minds as well. Victimizer or victim - they change their roles to "justify" their reason for needing to drink.

[CatsTail]

Hi,

I call it hooking and dangling because they need and want control over the people around them to keep their disease going. It's up to us to get clued up to their games and not engage in it. Get aware of hooky behavior and not take the bait.

Let's see an example of hooky behavior is promises and not following through.

Ngaire

Originally Posted by justme2007

These were mentioned in another thread as being things alcoholics do with their co-dependents. I'm an AA vet but new to Al-Anon, and those are new concepts for me (well, the last two). Are those for intentional abuse, or why do they do it? I'm trying to recall why I may have done that when I was in my disease . . . It's hard to remember why I did that crazy sh*t. I suppose a combination of trying to hurt someone who was able to deeply hurt me because I disliked myself so much, not really knowing what I wanted and not being able to predict from day to day what I would need or want, but needing people "hooked" in case it turned out I needed them (not really thinking or caring how my actions would affect them). The insanity and soul-sickness of the disease.

It hurts my head to think about my drinking/using days because I was os sick that nothing I did made sense! There was no rhyme or reason to my words and actions. I was just flying by the seat of my pants realizing I was a tornado but not believing AA was a solution that I could actually do and that would work.

[parentrecovers]

My A uses mind games as DISTRACTERS - a way not to do her step work, work on her recovery.

K