Why the warning about inviting a friend to the forum?

[least]

Why does it say at the top of the page "Shhhh. Think it over before inviting a friend to the forums. Telling other about this site can destroy your ability to speak freely here!"

I don't understand why the warning. Please explain. Thanks.

[splendra]

Well from the way I see it sometimes we discuss things here that we don't want to or can't discuss with significant others and friends or family. If we invite someone we know here who knows our screen name they could start gossiping about us I suppose.

I know of a few people that were hurt by their husbands or wives when they read some of their post.

[suki44883]

Yes, and also, we might not always stay friends with the person we invite. That could be a huge mess on down the road. I take it as just a warning to be careful.

[51anna]

Yes, if you want what you post here to remain private to those in your life, then you have to consider asking someone you know to join here. Sometimes things can be turned against you or circumstances change. It's just a reminder, that's all.

[JohnPainter]

good observation,

I guess the message is that it's okay to deceive your 'friends' about the truth of who you really are, and how you really think and feel. or maybe, the idea is that your current friends might not be the best choice of friends if you are currently using, or just recently stopped.

let's hope it's the latter.

[ananda]

It seems to me that is all being left up to each person to decide.....just reminding us of something we may not have considered.

and i hadn't thought about it...thanks.

[Morning Glory]

We've had many stalkers. They often sign on and post private, personal information about one of our members in revenge. We've had members ex's read and copy all the posts to use in court. We've had to save other posts to use in court. We've had members frantic that their member names show up on the search engines, which we can do nothing about. We've had family members break into member's accounts and even moderator accounts.

We've had to hide numerous accounts and posts in emergency situations.

We have 3 stalkers we are dealing with on the forums right now.

Honesty does not mean we don't have boundaries.

[Dee74]

thanks for cutting through the BS, MG

D

[TTOSBT]

Thanks for saying it like it is MG!
For me, before I would ask anyone to join this forum or tell them about it, I would have to feel just as comfortable having that person in a meeting.
For instance, I have a relative that wants to go to AA meetings with me. I told them no, thank you, unless it is a speaker meeting. This is my recovery and I need to focus on that right now. I don't need a meeting buddy and I truly do not trust that person to let the stuff they hear there, stay there. SO...my point is, if I wouldn't want a person sitting in an AA meeting right across from me listening to me share...why would I want them here where they can hide behind a computer?

[chiynita]

Yea MG..Strait to the point.
I was wondering that I may have seen this actually happening a few days ago somewhere.
Was afraid to ask.
But I see it has been removed.
Scary stuff.

[MnStar]

I think the warnings here are good to have, especially this one.

Let's face it, sometimes it turns out to be friend today, foe tomorrow.

[Gmoney]

Anonymity is very important....not only for our own safety, but the safety of others. I believe that's part of the reason we use screen-names or nicknames. I use my real name because I'm very particular about what I write (anywhere), and I don't really fear any repercussions. Yet, I always try to keep in mind that whatever I share here becomes public information once I share it. And with that in mind, not only should my welfare be considered...but also the welfare of others.

[Lily]

I have also asked a lot of questions on here that I guess i wouldn't necessarily want the person to read and figure out it was her.

I have seen a lot of hurting ppl post on here for support, suggestions, and prayer. Things they perhaps do not even want to share in a meeting or share w/ their spouse or sponsor.

Not to mention I don't think I would want my whole city to know that I used to scope out and take narcotics out of ppl's medicine cabinets.

You never know who is gonna show up on here I suppose.....

The warning makes perfect sense to me.

Sheila

[LogCabin]

I think it is a great warning. It means that we should all think about who are calling a friend. I have been stalked, and thus I keep my identity completly hidden, and even try to avoid saying anything that would perk up the ears/eyes/sick mind of the person who stalked me. Unfortunately there are some sick minds out there who want to use what you may say as a way to hurt you.

I am completly open and honest with my recovery and the shameful things I did to SOME people. But I found out the hard way that there is at least one person out there who has threatened me with knowing this info. Why? Just because they don't like my personality. That is all. I had not invited them to this site, but another person, who must of known this person ,did invite them. I think it was someone who had come to me asking for help with an addiction problem, and I had shared that this was a great site. I don't think they knew that the stalker person would use my story as a way to threaten me.

Some people in the early stages of recovery may not have a clear mind and know who to trust and who not to trust. And the should only being worrying about making thier recovery the most important thing they do. No harm should come to a person who is trying to be clean and sober.

I agree..honesty does not mean we should not set up boundaries.

Thank you to the great mods of SR.