Twofish

Dear SR, Here I go again, or have I never stopped?
Last night I got a call to accept the phone call charge from an inmate (my older daughter) at the county jail....yep, she got herself arrested, something like domestic battery, acting and swearing with her husband.
I'm in shock, pain, exhausted, feeling the enabling creeping up etc.
She's back doing her Herion.
She wants me to post her $160 to bail her out. Ok, no.
Oddly, I feel safe knowing she can't come near me...
She called me 23 times now. My phone won't accept collect calls, but I'm sure I know what she wants. She has called my parents, my children, my siblings and her friends. No one will bail her out. I feel sick and brain fogged right now.
I did go to an alanon meeting this morning, f2f does help.
So she will sit in jail til she sees the judge on Monday. I'm sure she will be going thru withdrawals, be in pain, have anxiety and be REALLY PISSED off at me.
Sorry but enough is enough. I can't live like this. She would be right back getting high if I bail her out. She is 26 yrs old and will have to figure this one out for herself.
But...
My Codie ways are sneaky...they have an AV that's telling me to fix this.
So, my dear SR friends, please tell me, did I do the right thing? My other RAD said to not bail her out, not to bring her back home. This is sooo hard...And painful.
So, anyway, I will not be accepting the charge. Period.
I'm so sad...TF

Carlotta

I am not a mom but I wanted to give you a big hug


I am really glad you have a f2f support network too.

Twofish

Dear Carlotta,
A hug is what I really need right now, thank you for the support!
TF

aasharon90

I'm glad you went to your meeting TF and
came here to share so you don't have to be
alone. Is this the daughter who got a job and
moved in an apt. I believe and who was doing
so well?

Hugs sent your ways from Baton Rouge, La.

Stay strong.

Maudcat

It is incredibly difficult to say no to our children. I feel for you, twofish. Good for you for choosing to allow your daughter to accept that actions have consequences.
I know that sounds stuffy and prim. I don't mean it to be. I wouldn't wish jail on anyone, but sonetimes that is all that is left.
Heroin is awful stuff.

Twofish

Dear Sharon,
Long time sister!! Thanks for the support!
The AD that got arrested was the older one.
The younger RAD is 23 and begged me NOT to bail her sister
out or accept phone calls. She also confirmed that the older
daughter is back on Herion....but she is prescribed Suboxone?
Can she take both?
It's crazy and this time it hurts real bad. And thank you for
the much needed hug!
TF

Twofish

Dear Maudcat,
What you said is so true...consequences. At least in jail I know
where she is and is safe and not overdosing on whatever drugs
she can find.
Maybe (I'm praying for) that when she sees the judge, she will ask
for rehab? Could this possibly be the miricle "rock bottom"? Hope lives!
Thank you for caring about me!
TF

Maudcat

I hope that for her as well, TF.
Good luck and good thoughts.

PhoenixJ

Prayers for you and daughter

Lovenjoy

mom to mom TF, you did the right thing. no one would bail her out, including mom. strong message for your addict.

praying for the light to reach her. hugs for you and prayers for you all.

keep up the self care TF, your recovery is shining.

greeteachday

Sending hugs from another mom. You definitely did the right thing, as painful as it feels. It's a sad truth that at least in jail you know she isn't out doing whatever it takes to get another fix. I hate heroin and what it does to our children. Keeping you and your daughters in my thoughts and prayers. I hope your grandbaby is safe and sound too.

SoberLeigh

I am so very sorry for what you, your family and your daughter are going through, Twofish.

Prayers for all of you.

Anaya

I know the codie ways, I still struggle. I am sorry for your pain.


But here at SR, we can support each other, have compassion for each other, understand each other and ultimately know that not fixing it for our kids is best for them.

I notice with each moment of holding my ground, making boundaries clear, though the emotions are difficult (!), I get through, get a little bit stronger each time; and, so, my son also gets through and respects boundaries (for the most part, better than before).

Prayers of healing, hope, and strength for you and your dear daughters

Seren

Twofish

Yes, as painful as it is, you are doing the most loving thing by *not* paying her bail. You see, love is willing the good of the other. I believe that allowing our addicted children, grandchildren, stepchildren handle their own messes as adults is for their long-term good. Although I know just how painful that can be for us--such is the price of love.

Jaeger

TwoFish,
I am so sorry. I'm just now seeing this. I know how hard it is to say no to bailing a child out. I told my son no also. He was so mad at me but quickly got over it. I think that was a turning point in our relationship. He knows that I will not support that lifestyle. I too wish I could give you a big hug!

Keeping you in my prayers!

Twofish

Dear SR
Well I managed to make it so far. My phone exploded (not really) with collect calls from the jail. I didn't accept any of them. But, my heart did and wondered what crazy emotion my AD was feeling. Was she mad, sad, angry, blaming, or was she sorry, crying, helpless, hopeless...needing her mom to do something? Too much projecting and "what iffing" on my part. (Stop it Codie!) I just can't stop the thoughts and emotional pain. That's by baby locked up.
Anyway, I'm fighting the guilt, (why?) from her actions. Ok TF, STOP THESE THOUGHTS!
She goes before the judge at 2pm today. She will get out I'm sure. What will she do? Only she will know what her plan is, and I'm praying she has the courage, drops the pride and ego, and chooses the life of sobriety, with a plan.
Thanks SR, the support and my HP got me thru this most painful weekend.
Love you all for caring about my AD and me.

Seren

Twofish

I hope that the hearing today goes just exactly as it should--whatever that is.

I know that she is your baby, but she is not *a* baby. She is an adult. Adults must learn to navigate this world on their own. All of us must one day do without our parents because they won't be around forever to take care of us and clean up after us. Each pain for her is a learning moment.

Please know that you and your dear daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you will let us know the outcome of today's hearing when you can.

Hang in there!!!

Twofish

Ok, she is out on some signature bond.
She hasn't contacted me, yet, and maybe she won't.
I do feel uneasy, but I know life goes on.
I hate this disease, defiantly it's a family disease.
Need a good strong hug right about now
TF

Lovenjoy

strong hugs

Twofish

Dear SR,
First, no communication directed towards me, however, AD has exploded on
Facebook, berating her younger RAD and her, so far, successful sobriety. My RAD has now blocked her sister. She doesn't need to listen to crap her sister says. It's like the older one is talking in circles...is isn't making any sense? This disease makes no sense.
I was informed she is taking Herion & psychodelics. (Acid) This is one BIG mess only she can take care of and find her way back to the living, sober world.
I am scared of her... but I'm not living in fear, I'm moving on. I'm taking care of ME and have asked my higher Power to take care of her.
I most desperately want off this rollarcoaster ride.
If you're reading my thread, I'll keep my SR family updated. Love you SR!
Hugging me, I so much need one.
TF