SpaghettiBender

My son got fired nearly 2 years ago. He's always been the wild child, the one to whom "rules' don't apply. For two years I have tried to get him to get a job. But NO. Excuses. He started hanging out, lost his car, lost his license and you know the rest.

It has become a fighting match daily with him. Sparing the details, I have had the police out several times. He REFUSES to leave my home and the police won't make him leave. I can't have food in the house or he eats every single thing leaving me nothing. If you could see his room, you would DIE. Filthy beyond anything human. He has stolen from me. He has taken up dumpster diving and has filled my yard with trash. And of course, he does NOTHING to help me. I walk around every day crying and pulling my hair saying "I've got to get him out of here". At this point the only thing I can do is have him "evicted" through the court. Problem with that is the minute he gets the notice, he will destroy everything in this house.

I can't take it any more. I want him out. I feel like a hostage in my own home. I live in SC. What can I do to get him out?

Maudcat

Sorry for your situation, SB. It's a tough one.
In my state--Massachusetts--it is possible to go before a judge and state that your son is a danger to himself or to others. It's called a section 35.
If the judge agrees, the person in question goes immediately to a state-run facility to detox. I'm not sure, but I believe that if no detox bed is available, he goes in custody until one is. That is, he does not go back to the house.
This judiciary process can be done by you or an attorney.
Does South Carolina have something similar?
What do the law officers do when you call them? Are you calling 911 or local law?
Your son sounds very ill and potentially dangerous to you. Have you thought about contacting a local domestic violence office? Or your local Council on Aging? (That's what we call Elderly Services up here.) They might have some advice to help you.
You might consider talking to an attorney.
Good luck.

Seren

Hello SB, yes, actually, even in SC you can get him out. I am also in SC and this is what my late husband and I had to do to get his son out.

In SC, technically, your son is a legal tenant of your home. You have to write him an eviction letter giving him 30 days notice to vacate and then file that letter with your local magistrate. Once that letter is on file, at the end of the 30 days, if he refuses to leave, then the police can become involved in making him leave.

Once he is out of the house, do not let him back in. Change the locks. Change the alarm codes--everything.

Is it awful? Yes. Will there be peace in your home once it's over? Oh, yes!

atalose

When he stole from you did you press charges and have him arrested?

The minute he begins to destroy anything in YOUR home you call the police and you press charges and you have him arrested and at the same time you get a restraining order put into place because you fear for your safety and you also think he needs a mental health evaluation. He will not be allowed back into the home without the police and that would be to collect his personal items, clothes, etc.

Maudcat

Atalose is right, Spaghetti. Could be time to play hardball.

SpaghettiBender

I so appreciate you all. I have had the police involved several times. Get this, because he lives here, they say he can tear up anything he wants. THIS IS HIS HOUSE TOO.

can you believe this? Tomorrow is the day. I am going to the magistrate. Hopefully they will give him less than 30 days.

atalose

It’s my understanding that a magistrate handles minor offenses and civil matters. Maybe it’s time to go before a judge – a criminal judge.

Has he ever hurt you with the items he’s thrown? Do you fear for your safety?

Have you called the police often for the same situations? Have you ever NOT filed a complaint against him after the police have been called?

tomsteve

im hoping you understand what seren typed in that the eviction notice has to be delivered to your son before filing with the court.

idk how it is in SC,but if someone is living in a house,apt,townhouse,etc and they are damaging the property and their name isnt on the title/deed, then the person that damages the property is responsible for damages.they may have the address of the structure as their legal address, but that doesnt entitle them to damage said property without being responsible for damages.

Whitewingeddove

I went through this with my son and his GF a couple years ago. In our state, the police typically won't get involved with these situations as they are "civil matters". Others are correct, even though this is your son, he is considered a tenant (regardless of whether or not he is paying rent). I served them a 15 day notice to quit. In our state, it's 15 days for someone sharing your home, with shared kitchen/bathroom privileges. 30 days or more for a tenant in a separate apartment depending on how long they have been there. After the "notice to quit" is served, if he does not leave, you then file eviction papers with the civil court. Google landlord/tenant laws in your state for more information. Again, this is a civil proceeding.. Good luck. I know how tough this is......

SpaghettiBender

I did it. I filed the eviction. Guess I'm fortunate. Since he wasn't a tenant, or paying rent, he has 5 days from the time of being served to leave. I dread it when he gets served. no telling what he will do to the house. I fear he's going to destroy everything while I'm at work.

Maudcat

Sounds good, SB. If you can, try to stay positive and calm. I hope it won't be as bad as you fear, but you know him best. If he does act out, call the police, file a report, and contact your your insurer.
Then change the locks.
I am not an attorney, but I would assume that destruction of someone's property is enough to get the law involved.
That you believe that he would be destructive of your property is another indication to me that he is ill and dangerous.
Good luck. I know this is hard. I have an alcohol-dependent sib who lives with my mother. He is not physically abusive, but he is harsh with her when I am not around.
We are trying to get him out as well. Not easy.

biminiblue

Prayers for a smooth transition, SBender.

Seren

How are you doing SB? Believe me, I do understand how tension-filled the days between notice and leaving can be!!