The note
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Twofish, I almost missed this and am so glad I read it this morning. I could relate sooooo much to your thoughts in your first post, trying to help others really does help us help ourselves in recovery.
You express yourself so clearly, as another mama I can vouch for the accuracy of the pain you describe and I am so glad we have been able to walk together on this path for so long now.
I am so happy for your daughter, how wonderful that she has embraced a program and grown. And she remains in my prayers every day, God's used to my long list and He knows who Twofish's daughter is, and I truly believe He watches over her.
My own son remains lost in his addiction somewhere. He knows where the real help is when he is ready and I ask God to watch over him each morning and live the day in faith that He will.
The candle of hope burns always in my heart, right between the candles of faith and love. I have been around long enough to know that there is always hope, even for those who appear most hopeless.
From one good mama to another, my heart sends you hugs and love to both you and your daughter.
You express yourself so clearly, as another mama I can vouch for the accuracy of the pain you describe and I am so glad we have been able to walk together on this path for so long now.
I am so happy for your daughter, how wonderful that she has embraced a program and grown. And she remains in my prayers every day, God's used to my long list and He knows who Twofish's daughter is, and I truly believe He watches over her.
My own son remains lost in his addiction somewhere. He knows where the real help is when he is ready and I ask God to watch over him each morning and live the day in faith that He will.
The candle of hope burns always in my heart, right between the candles of faith and love. I have been around long enough to know that there is always hope, even for those who appear most hopeless.
From one good mama to another, my heart sends you hugs and love to both you and your daughter.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Beautiful update TF! JJ has never asked me to write that type of letter and I believe that is a very integral step in recovery in terms of the repayment of debts and I have always told JJ that my repayment is his happiness and sobriety. As Mom's all we all really ever want is our kids safe and happy. Now for me, it is critical to know that their safety and happiness is not my responsibility
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Hi Twofish. It's been a very long time. I haven't been to SR in ages but something whispered in my ear and I saw your PM. So glad I did and that you wrote.
Your thread here is beautiful, full of hope and wisdom--your gifts to yourself and others. How beautiful your support of that other mom in the meeting. And tho I'm not a mom, I can sense and imagine how your daughter's note must have filled your heart to bursting. Love beyond words.
I am so inspired, proud, and in awe of all you've done, where you are and how you express it. You write so movingly, maybe that is a place to find new directions in your life? You help others here, in person, and maybe through writing you can reach out even more. Just a thought (inspired by you
).
Take care dear friend and keep doing what you're doing. Blessings.
Your thread here is beautiful, full of hope and wisdom--your gifts to yourself and others. How beautiful your support of that other mom in the meeting. And tho I'm not a mom, I can sense and imagine how your daughter's note must have filled your heart to bursting. Love beyond words.
I am so inspired, proud, and in awe of all you've done, where you are and how you express it. You write so movingly, maybe that is a place to find new directions in your life? You help others here, in person, and maybe through writing you can reach out even more. Just a thought (inspired by you
).Take care dear friend and keep doing what you're doing. Blessings.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 5
Dear Two fish,
Your daughter is so lucky to have a momma like you.
I am a recovering addict. I would give anything for my mom to show even half of the love you seem to feel for your babies.
When my mom found out about my addiction, her support lasted about 2 weeks till she found something better to do.
I have been fighting this battle all on my own since then. I understand that this is my battle to fight but I so desperately want to feel her love. Instead, when something goes wrong, she instantly accuses me of relapsing. I find myself constantly having to prove that I am still sober. I paid for my own rehab because I needed to take responsibility for my own actions.
I just feel that instead of wanting the best for me, she actually can't wait to see me fall so that she can finally send me away.
No one even knew about my addiction until everything finally fell apart and I had a mental breakdown. That was when I opened up and told my family everything and asked for help. Instantly I became the embarrassment.
Since then I have been my own support. Its hard and lonely and some days I wonder what the point of it all is.
Other days are better when i remember that i still have many things to be greatful for.
I just hope that someday she is able to show me the kind of support and love you display
Your daughter is so lucky to have a momma like you.
I am a recovering addict. I would give anything for my mom to show even half of the love you seem to feel for your babies.
When my mom found out about my addiction, her support lasted about 2 weeks till she found something better to do.
I have been fighting this battle all on my own since then. I understand that this is my battle to fight but I so desperately want to feel her love. Instead, when something goes wrong, she instantly accuses me of relapsing. I find myself constantly having to prove that I am still sober. I paid for my own rehab because I needed to take responsibility for my own actions.
I just feel that instead of wanting the best for me, she actually can't wait to see me fall so that she can finally send me away.
No one even knew about my addiction until everything finally fell apart and I had a mental breakdown. That was when I opened up and told my family everything and asked for help. Instantly I became the embarrassment.
Since then I have been my own support. Its hard and lonely and some days I wonder what the point of it all is.
Other days are better when i remember that i still have many things to be greatful for.
I just hope that someday she is able to show me the kind of support and love you display
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Onestep,
I cried reading your journey. All moms are different as all children in recovery are. My issues were enabling my daughters. I wanted this disease out of their lives, that didn't happen, sadly.
I pushed and begged and pleaded for years to help them, but they just couldn't hear their mommas cries. I caused more damaged by trying to "fix" them. I had to wait for that day when the younger one got sick of being sick. And when that happened, everyone had already deserted her, except me. That was last November. She is now sober, has a secure recovery plan and seems happy. She was ready.
OneStep...you are ready...many of us mommas "wish", or "pray" our children had the courage that you do!
You give us HOPE, THAT RECOVERY CAN HAPPEN!
We will gladly and willingly support you in your journey, we have hope and love for you! Here's about a million HUGS from us mommas to you, our newly "adopted" daughter in recovery.
PM any of us, we are here for you
TF
I cried reading your journey. All moms are different as all children in recovery are. My issues were enabling my daughters. I wanted this disease out of their lives, that didn't happen, sadly.
I pushed and begged and pleaded for years to help them, but they just couldn't hear their mommas cries. I caused more damaged by trying to "fix" them. I had to wait for that day when the younger one got sick of being sick. And when that happened, everyone had already deserted her, except me. That was last November. She is now sober, has a secure recovery plan and seems happy. She was ready.
OneStep...you are ready...many of us mommas "wish", or "pray" our children had the courage that you do!
You give us HOPE, THAT RECOVERY CAN HAPPEN!
We will gladly and willingly support you in your journey, we have hope and love for you! Here's about a million HUGS from us mommas to you, our newly "adopted" daughter in recovery.
PM any of us, we are here for you
TF
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Another Momma here for you One Step. Recovery is a personal journey, but those who love you and want only the best are the spiritual warriors sending our hopes and prayers for you to the mighty God who is our rock and savior! Keep doing the right thing in your life for YOU!
Hugs
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Another mama here. I echo what has been said. We are here! I haven't spoken with my son in almost 2 mos. It is what it is. I love him, but I love me too....Anyhow.........always glad to support and encourage those who are fighting the good fight! God bless you all!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
Add my name to the mama posse list too One Step! As Twofish said, you give all of us hope that our loves ones ( in my case,it's my son) struggling with addiction will find the road to recovery, just like you did. Keep on keeping on One Step. You're doing great!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hi everyone!
Kinda been quiet...old Codie habits die hard!
My younger RAD stopped by this afternoon. I had to hold the tears back, she looked so good, so happy, so smiley that I thought her face was gonna hurt
She stopped by to help me with the yard work and to give me a hug...my older
Daughter (on Suboxone with no recovery plan) has been at my house for a few days looking for work, she brought along her beautiful son, my heart!
Anyway, this was the longest visit we have had since her recovery started. She showed me her key tags for her sobriety dates, she was/is so proud of them.
The positivity coming from her was so contagious, I didn't want her to leave!!! I have missed her so much.
She knows and talked to me that her sister is manipulating me, I know.
We talked about her past too. The hugs and drugs, past. It was easier this time to talk to my RAD's addiction, oddly to me, it didn't hurt as bad...but then I look at my older daughter, this disease is dragging her so deeply into that dark hole of addiction and I'm just following her with my enabling.
At least this time I have some very sharp tools in my toolbox! I will increase my support meetings and take care of myself and I know, ask the older daughter to leave, for my own sanity, what a family disease this is, it truly is BAD TO THE BONE! I realized today that I will have to do some things that hurt. But like my therapist said to me years ago..."what would happen to your girls if anything ever happened to?" Yep, I AM a good mom with children with VERY bad diseases!
Stay strong mommas, we deserve a life too and no way in he!! can we fix our children...only they can.
I believe tonight I will sleep a little more peacefully.
Thanks for listening...
TF
Hey Lyoness... Been thinking you you too
Kinda been quiet...old Codie habits die hard!
My younger RAD stopped by this afternoon. I had to hold the tears back, she looked so good, so happy, so smiley that I thought her face was gonna hurt
She stopped by to help me with the yard work and to give me a hug...my older
Daughter (on Suboxone with no recovery plan) has been at my house for a few days looking for work, she brought along her beautiful son, my heart!
Anyway, this was the longest visit we have had since her recovery started. She showed me her key tags for her sobriety dates, she was/is so proud of them.
The positivity coming from her was so contagious, I didn't want her to leave!!! I have missed her so much.
She knows and talked to me that her sister is manipulating me, I know.
We talked about her past too. The hugs and drugs, past. It was easier this time to talk to my RAD's addiction, oddly to me, it didn't hurt as bad...but then I look at my older daughter, this disease is dragging her so deeply into that dark hole of addiction and I'm just following her with my enabling.
At least this time I have some very sharp tools in my toolbox! I will increase my support meetings and take care of myself and I know, ask the older daughter to leave, for my own sanity, what a family disease this is, it truly is BAD TO THE BONE! I realized today that I will have to do some things that hurt. But like my therapist said to me years ago..."what would happen to your girls if anything ever happened to?" Yep, I AM a good mom with children with VERY bad diseases!
Stay strong mommas, we deserve a life too and no way in he!! can we fix our children...only they can.
I believe tonight I will sleep a little more peacefully.
Thanks for listening...
TF
Hey Lyoness... Been thinking you you too
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hello Jeager....you are so correct. I'd rather be in transitional labor, forever, than be in a constant state of worry and guilt, blame and shame. Some days are better than others. It just seems to lurk around me?
I am grateful of my younger daughters recovery, that saves my brain. I will continue to have hope that the older daughter "discovers" that a recovery plan and sobriety are so worth the pain of "being sick of being dope sick"
Thank you for caring about me and for my children, their disease of addiction and mental "instability", wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy
TF
I am grateful of my younger daughters recovery, that saves my brain. I will continue to have hope that the older daughter "discovers" that a recovery plan and sobriety are so worth the pain of "being sick of being dope sick"
Thank you for caring about me and for my children, their disease of addiction and mental "instability", wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy
TF
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 328
Originally Posted by Twofish 
Hello Jeager....you are so correct. I'd rather be in transitional labor, forever, than be in a constant state of worry and guilt, blame and shame. Some days are better than others. It just seems to lurk around me?
I am grateful of my younger daughters recovery, that saves my brain. I will continue to have hope that the older daughter "discovers" that a recovery plan and sobriety are so worth the pain of "being sick of being dope sick"
Thank you for caring about me and for my children, their disease of addiction and mental "instability", wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy
TF
I am grateful of my younger daughters recovery, that saves my brain. I will continue to have hope that the older daughter "discovers" that a recovery plan and sobriety are so worth the pain of "being sick of being dope sick"
Thank you for caring about me and for my children, their disease of addiction and mental "instability", wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy
TF
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hello mommas & poppas & SR family,
Quick update on my younger RAD...yesterday it was her SEVEN month anniversary of
being clean and sober. Her recovery plan continues to grow. So strong so
determined to respect her recovery. She has a very dedicated sponcer who
cares and listens and advises her as they work thru the steps of NA.
She had a car accident last week, she's ok, someone hit her and I thought that
would trigger a relaspe, but it didn't! She handled it! Sober!
At her sober living house, the "house mom" had a dirty urine and was asked
to leave. The rules, # 1 absolute sobriety! And now they have approached my
RAD to take on the job....it's not up to me, I do have hope but this is a big job!
Any comments? I think she should have one year of sobriety in. She's is seriously
thinking about taking the job...she's only 23 but has the most sober time at
the sober living place...
Believe me, hope lives! So what did she
do for this 7 month anniversary?
She went to a meeting
I never gave up hope but I stopped trying to control her and her disease.
TF
Quick update on my younger RAD...yesterday it was her SEVEN month anniversary of
being clean and sober. Her recovery plan continues to grow. So strong so
determined to respect her recovery. She has a very dedicated sponcer who
cares and listens and advises her as they work thru the steps of NA.
She had a car accident last week, she's ok, someone hit her and I thought that
would trigger a relaspe, but it didn't! She handled it! Sober!
At her sober living house, the "house mom" had a dirty urine and was asked
to leave. The rules, # 1 absolute sobriety! And now they have approached my
RAD to take on the job....it's not up to me, I do have hope but this is a big job!
Any comments? I think she should have one year of sobriety in. She's is seriously
thinking about taking the job...she's only 23 but has the most sober time at
the sober living place...
Believe me, hope lives! So what did she
do for this 7 month anniversary?
She went to a meeting
I never gave up hope but I stopped trying to control her and her disease.
TF
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hey mommas,
The younger daughter is going on 8 months sober. I'm very happy for her. I miss her. Sober living home has been a strength to her, something I couldn't do.
I saw her the other day, she has a lot on her plate, so I'm just gonna be happy for her and stop all this "what iffing", I don't want to be a trigger to her or cause her frustration because I miss her sooooo much..
TF
The younger daughter is going on 8 months sober. I'm very happy for her. I miss her. Sober living home has been a strength to her, something I couldn't do.
I saw her the other day, she has a lot on her plate, so I'm just gonna be happy for her and stop all this "what iffing", I don't want to be a trigger to her or cause her frustration because I miss her sooooo much..
TF
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,668
2F- you mentioned it is time to stop remembering and living in the past. I agree with the living in the past bit. My story (I hope) does not extend to my 2 adult sons being alcoholic, although this scares the crap out of me- and I project guilt on myself, coming from a strong line of male alcoholics going back generations (and depression). My family cut me off 2 years ago (in1 month) after I nearly burnt myself to death.
I will always have fears and doubts of my memories. The trick is to look at them with sober, adult eyes- with maturing emotional awareness and not relive the emotional carnage I was then. I cannot unthank, un-remember,m un-feel. But I can shape the feelings and thoughts. Memories are not facts. They are tainted by distorted thinking, overwhelming feelings- dreadful consequences. All I can to is stay sober (for my own self respect and for my son's and ex), keep moving on my recovery path- alone and always be mindful and always try to be a better person today than yesterday.
Empathy and support to you.
I will always have fears and doubts of my memories. The trick is to look at them with sober, adult eyes- with maturing emotional awareness and not relive the emotional carnage I was then. I cannot unthank, un-remember,m un-feel. But I can shape the feelings and thoughts. Memories are not facts. They are tainted by distorted thinking, overwhelming feelings- dreadful consequences. All I can to is stay sober (for my own self respect and for my son's and ex), keep moving on my recovery path- alone and always be mindful and always try to be a better person today than yesterday.
Empathy and support to you.
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