How I've Combatted Codependency - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 02-04-2017, 05:19 AM   #1 (permalink)
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How I've Combatted Codependency


Things I've done to combat codependency are:

Nights when he was gone - praying out loud and intentionally to hand him over to my higher power who I call God... and then focusing on what I needed to do for the night.

Counseling - free counseling through my church - they were not specialized in addiction, but taking this leap was crucial to my recovery. Trusting and applying their advice to my situation while knowing I had their backing was huge.

AlAnon

Joining a small group at my church to get out of isolation

Setting a boundary - if you use, you can't live here - and sticking to it. Kicking him out was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Very little contact while he was out of the house during that period of time

When family asked how/what AH was doing, I finally said, "ask him. Here's his new number." Stopped hiding him and covering up for him myself.

Stopped engaging in drug related confrontation. Stopped feeding into his victimization.

I'm sure there's more I'm not thinking of right now. Any more that y'all can contribute?
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Old 02-04-2017, 05:46 AM   #2 (permalink)
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All right! All good suggestions. Addiction thrives on secrecy. When we stop pretending, things become clearer. Good for you, hope.
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Old 02-14-2017, 12:53 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks for the share, Hope. Your strength shines through and you inspire.
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Old 02-15-2017, 08:40 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Those are great! One other I found was helpful was shifting focus back (or maybe for the first time) to me. I didn't understand initially why there were suggestions to do something nice for myself. It seemed sort of trivial to take a bubble bath when my world was collapsing around me. But as I progressed I learned that taking time for little things helped me reshape how I thought and learn to live again. My world did not have to be all about addiction. That helped me to stop living through others and being so emotionally dependent on them, which was a big part of my codependency
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Old 05-28-2017, 12:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree and understand all of this but one question : I tried to set the boundary and told my husband no drinking/alcohol allowed in my home especially while we have kids - he just hides it and tells me to leave as it is his home!
Hiw xan you set boundaries for an alcoholic? He's just going to ignore it!
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Old 07-09-2017, 12:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Petat View Post
I agree and understand all of this but one question : I tried to set the boundary and told my husband no drinking/alcohol allowed in my home especially while we have kids - he just hides it and tells me to leave as it is his home!
Hiw xan you set boundaries for an alcoholic? He's just going to ignore it!
Who pays the bills at the home?
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Old 07-09-2017, 01:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Petat View Post
I agree and understand all of this but one question : I tried to set the boundary and told my husband no drinking/alcohol allowed in my home especially while we have kids - he just hides it and tells me to leave as it is his home!
Hiw xan you set boundaries for an alcoholic? He's just going to ignore it!
If your A is paying the bills at your home he may feel he has a right to do what he wants.
Setting boundaries is for you not him. If he is doing something you don't like you might have to be the one who goes somewhere else.
We can't control them. We can only control what we do. It can be difficult to get this boundary thing. They only work when we use them to control what we do not what the A in our life does.
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Old 07-09-2017, 01:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Petat View Post
I agree and understand all of this but one question : I tried to set the boundary and told my husband no drinking/alcohol allowed in my home especially while we have kids - he just hides it and tells me to leave as it is his home!
Hiw xan you set boundaries for an alcoholic? He's just going to ignore it!
If your A is paying the bills at your home he may feel he has a right to do what he wants.
Setting boundaries is for you not him. If he is doing something you don't like you might have to be the one who goes somewhere else.
We can't control them. We can only control what we do. It can be difficult to get this boundary thing. They only work when we use them to control what we do not what the A in our life does.
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Old 07-16-2017, 06:34 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks for your share, Splendra.

You hit the nail on the head with, "Setting boundaries is for you not him."

On my journey as a "codie" and learning through others here on SR of the importance of setting and keeping boundaries: Initially, I did not "get it" - didn't get the concept.

Over time, with practice and staying the course, I benefitted from doing so. A big plus to me was that I became stronger, more confident and focused on making my life safer, more sane and healthier.
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