Kac776

Hey Everyone-

This is my first time here and I truly feel like I have no where else to turn. My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and got engaged this past May after getting back together from a 3 month breakup. I knew about his cocaine addiction from the beginning. He had told me stories about the few times he went to rehab when he was younger (now 30) but that he is cured and it is no longer an issue. About a year into our (then long distance) relationship, I found out about a serious binge relapse from his mother. Once that nightmare was over, I thought the drug issue was behind us.

After getting back together this past February and getting engaged and moving back in together in May, I started to see the signs. Unaccounted for money, credit card debt adding up even with a very lucrative career, random text messages that he didn't want me to see, severe weight loss, sleepless nights, finding excuses to leave the house at night if only for 10 minutes, and eventually I caught him stealing my debit card and taking cash out of my account without permission and in June he lost his job and that is when it hit the fan. His mother came to visit from out of town and she was finally able to get him to admit that he had been using. I was able to eventually pull it out of him that not only had he been using.. It had been going on for 8 months and he was in deep.

I felt helpless. He promised this was it and he was done. We came to an agreement with his mother and I that from now on, he would take an at home drug test with me 3 times a week, for the rest of his life. We started the tests right away and of course they were coming up positive. I knew that it would take a little while for the cocaine to get out of his system, especially since he was a chronic and heavy user, but it has been 11 weeks and the tests are still positive. He has been telling his mother the tests have been negative and has begged me to go along with it by telling me that this kind of thing can happen to a chronic user and it has happened to him in rehab before. I am still seeing signs of using, although they are not AS BAD as before. Yesterday I had $80 go missing from my wallet and he said I must have miscounted and didn't have that much to begin with. I am going crazy, I can't take it anymore. Everyone thinks we are a perfect couple and our entire wedding is planned and ready to go.

Has anyone else ever seen a cocaine drug test take 3 months to get clean? Is that possible?? He is very manipulative and a pathological liar but I love him so much it is hard to just walk away and I want so badly to give him the benefit of the doubt.

CodeJob

Please read your post as if this was your best friend.

You would tell her to walk away and not look back because she deserves better.

Right?

Right!

totfit

There is no doubt from which to give him benefit. I hope you love yourself enough to leave the relationship and never look back. It may in the long run be the best thing you could do for him also.

AnvilheadII

coke is out of your system in about 3 days from the last use........with heavy use there may be minute levels in the system for a week or so, but it would take a test done in a professional medical setting to detect. so you my dear are being "snowed".

with all this uncertainty, i'd strongly suggest you postpone the wedding indefinitely. you have an active thieving lying addict on your hands. not the set up for happily ever after.

(former crack addict, 8+ years clean)

JD4320

I mean, get on out the door. He's using you, stealing from you, and lying. No, it wouldn't come up positive. And furthermore, he's asking you to cosign his ********, and underwrite it as well. He's not clean, he's using and he's using you. The faster you get out from under him, the faster he'll fall and maybe see a reason to change his life. Maybe.

This is coming from someone in a "perfect" relationship with a chronic cocaine user who has been struggling (and sometimes not struggling) to get clean for a few years. Actions speak louder than words, and those actions are an active user taking you and everyone along for the ride. I'm really sorry, it's a real shitstick of a situation.

Fabat50

He is (in your words) an unreliable manipulator, a pathalogical liar and an addict who is now out of a job and has no financial independence.

But you say you love him. Which parts of him do you love exactly? What is he offering you? What are you getting out of this set up? Have you ever thought about what would happen if you wanted children one day?

Kac776

Thank you all. Tough situation and it felt good to vent.

utterlybroken

I agree, after cocaine use it leaves the body in three days max. That's why so many off shore lads choose it over hash. X

Thomas45

Edit - didn't see the date on the post. Disregard, sorry!

svenissober

Whatch out, this is gaslighting!

Maudcat

Hi, Sven. Just a note that this is an old thread. Doubt the poster is still around.