Ilovemysonjj

Sending hugs to all of the parents who grieve the loss of their child to addiction. Sending prayers of peace and faith that we are powerless, but God is not!

jennybee

I saw this posted on another group and it was what I needed to hear today.

"The harsh reality of OUR recovery is this- we play a vital role in their disease! We are codependent enablers! Enabling means helping them do it! We are irrational, manipulative and controlling- just as they are! We view theirs as selfishness and ours as love! Until I realized this- nothing could change in my life because I was in my own denial of being part of the problem!"

Anaya

Hello, jennybee.

I've been setting boundaries with regard to my adult son and others and have been working on recovery (am a codependent type) for some time, though, do still do slip into denial; what you've shared above is helpful for me.

Hugs from one concerned mom to another.

Seren

Well, it has been months since I have update here. My stepson won't even respond to my text messages anymore. He calls his sister every now and again, but that is about it. I don't know if I'll ever have a 'real' conversation with the young man, but maybe some day. I was hoping to at least have some contact with him after his father passed, but that is apparently not going to happen right now.

How is everyone doing? Moms? Dads? Grands? Steps? How are you holding up?

Anaya

Disappointing.

Lately, my son usually only contacts me when he wants something. He keeps a distance and is still blaming family for his problems.

It's comforting to know there's understanding and support of others who can relate here at SR!

Seren

Anaya

Yes, if I did not have patience before...I have learned. I'm still learning--which is good.

You and your son are in my prayers today!!

Anaya

Thank you, Seren.

You and your family are in my prayers as well.

Have a good Sunday.

BellaBlue

My AS is much like your step son. He has not spoken to me in two years, but occasionally texts his sister. Not much of a relationship, though, because she never says anything that might trigger him and break off all communication.

I'm tired. Tired of trying to go on in life when first his father and then he dumped and sh!t all over me. Tired of the health issues that living with this stress all my adult years have brought on.

On the plus side, I don't have to see him intoxicated or hear his endless rants against my faith.

Seren

I'm so sorry about all the stress you have had to deal with Bella! Yes, it does tear down your health after a while.

At the moment, my stepson is in a hospital receiving treatment for alcoholism and liver failure. I only know this through his friends who have called my stepdaughter.

Sometimes, we have to let go of our biological family members if all they bring to us is abuse and negativity. I hope that you can surround yourself with people who bring light and joy and peace into your life. I will keep you and your son in my prayers!

BellaBlue

I think I've let him go - I don't have much choice. But then my daughter tells me of his latest texts and it hurts so much. He shares things with her, which I'm glad of, but it's so hard to accept that I have a son who is not part of my life. So much needless waste. I think back to all that my son could have been.

I hope your SS can recover and that it's not too late for him.

Seren

I am so sorry, Bella, that the only news you receive about your son is through your daughter. I suppose it is easier for me because when my husband was alive, most communicating with my stepson was through my husband--so that is not much different except that it is now my stepdaughter who speaks with him.

All we can really do is leave the door open to communication as we can. I do contact my stepson occasionally (every few months) even if he does not respond. Although I realize that can seem intrusive to someone who does not want contact.

My prayer for you and your son is that in time, your son will find a better path. Once he does, I hope that your relationship will be healed. Sending cyber hugs!

BellaBlue

Thank you Seren.

I haven't been here for a while, but looking back, I read that you lost your husband. My sincere condolences.

Seren

Thank you, Bella. Yes, it has been hard. It will soon be one year since he passed. Our anniversary was yesterday. It was a very weepy day for me.

My stepson has been moved into a higher level of care at the hospital--so we have been told. His condition is not improving much, and the impression we are getting from his friends there is that he may not make it. I wish I could go up and see him, but we, too, are in the middle of this hurricane and my stepdaughter is expecting her 3rd child any day now.

I'm quite sure he thinks we have all 'abandoned' him, but I can't help what someone else thinks and I can only be in one place at a time. *sigh*

Hope all are well and safe this day!

BellaBlue

Seren, take care of yourself and be safe. I think the alcoholics usually feel some sense of abandonment. My AS feels it from the death of his dad when he was only 11. Nothing I can do - I sure put into him all I could.

I hope you enjoy the new grand baby!

Anaya

Sending prayers for you, Seren and BellaBlue and your families for healing and for safety.

Seren

Good news: our little grandson is here! What a cutie he is!!

Bad news: Stepson was released from the hospital and never told any of us. We found out when one of his half-brothers was going to visit him and called the hospital ahead of time to find out the room information, etc. He is now being cared for by his extraordinarily codependent yet equally-addicted girlfriend at her apartment. *sigh* Oh well...at least he is out of the hospital?

Happy Tuesday, everyone!!

Anaya

Congratulations on the birth of your grandson! That is wonderful.

Sending prayers for healing and safety for your stepson.

Wishes for peace and hope

irisgardens

Seren,

Congratulations on your grandchild (yay!) and my deepest condolences for the loss of your husband.

Have not been here for a long time-working on myself mostly, as my daughter has gone down in her life and is now living in the streets. Her father finds her mostly, although I have been able to do so a few times over the past year. Right now, simply discouraged, but seeking to move forward with the rest of our family-4 adult kids and 3 grandchildren who are doing well.

My heart aches every day...but nothing I can really do about that (sigh).

Seren

Hello Iris!!!

How sad to hear about your daughter living on the streets. I pray that she finally gets tired of it. I pray for peace and strength for your family.

Hugs!

Seren

So when I sent my stepson an e-mail message wishing him a happy Thanksgiving, I did get a response (I know he's alive, yay!). Then, the Saturday after Thanksgiving, he called his sister before 7 a.m. Apparently, he was so bizarre and rambling on the phone with her, that she has been furious about it and can't even talk to me about it without getting upset...so I have no idea if the conversation had any substance or not. Probably not if he was that bad.

I so wish, for his sake, that he would turn his life around. He apparently has an addicted enabler girlfriend who thinks she will nurse him back to health *sigh*. Well, hopefully she will find her way to this board some day. Who knows, maybe even my stepson will find his way here some day. I can hope, and I can pray.

Love to all the Mamas, Papas, Grands, Sisters and Brothers (etc.) who know what this is like