http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/ An open forum to talk about your struggles with narcotics addiction and recovery. Ask addiction and recovery related questions and respond to others in the same situation. (Support and experience only please. DO NOT give or ask for, Medical advice.) Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:10:04 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188941-awww-not-too.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:18:51 GMT I know, if nothing changes...nothing changes. So I've been staying aware of addictive behavior and triggers in my life other than my main and obvious ones so that I don't jeopardize my recovery.

And I've been wistful about a few, but mostly dropping them out of my life hasn't been that big a deal...but there is an area that I am REALLY unhappy about...music.

I got sober this spring...stopped using, only to lose it all after attending a NIN concert. Nope, I didn't ingest a single drug or take a single sip of anything, the music itself is like a drug for me...I can totally lose myself in it, totally identify with the strong emotions...I FEEL like I am high...just letting myself get into the music. Indeed, my grown sons who were with me said I looked and acted high, and reported the same to my husband. And I felt high, totally understood, safe, blissed out, mellow, and superior...I get high because it makes me feel like I "get" life and reality at a higher level than the rest of the morons on the planet.

I have a lot of music in my collection that serves this same function for me, and I know what a trigger it is. A day or two after that concert, when life got uncomfortable...I recalled that feeling...and said "F it!" I wanted it back, and I used...and my world came tumbling down.

Having to go without all that music, that has gotten me through so much (yeah, I know...justifying, making excuses...but hey,music DOES help) makes me so angry. I get that I can't use all those other substances and behaviors. I am willing to let them go, but come on...this just seems needlessly cruel. Sick, unfair.

I am soooo p*ssed about this. I'm like...what the heck, why don't you just take my firstborn too

I like Supertramp...don't get me wrong, but it's just not Pink Floyd, or Marilyn Manson...When I'm cooking dinner...I like to put in some Linkin Park and get my angry going...and have a shot or two....sigh...

I like to play my music loud, while I drive and totally lose myself in it, but then I get home, have to face reality and need a little somethin somethin to get me through...I know it's a huge trigger for me.

I understand that some people can't drink, some people can't drug, some people can't eat cake and stop after one slice, etc etc. I accept that I am one of those some people's and have just said no...but I'm finding it harder to accept that some people...or at least ME...can't frickin listen to the music they like without going to the bad place.

That just feels so ridiculously unfair.

I am listening to books on tape, religious talk shows, even frickin public radio to keep myself from popping in an inappropriate CD, blissing out and saying "F it all" and going back to using.

I HATE this more than anything.

And frankly the Just For Today isn't helping much with this one.

Living without my music, I feel very lonely and isolated ]]> Substance Abuse Threshold http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188941-awww-not-too.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188973-new.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:07:14 GMT Well I am the mother of 4 beautiful girls and have been married to the father of my children for almost 7 years. Both my husband and I were drug addicts when we first met and we were on everything... Well I am the mother of 4 beautiful girls and have been married to the father of my children for almost 7 years. Both my husband and I were drug addicts when we first met and we were on everything but meth was our #1. I got pregnant in 2002 and quit everything after I found out and never looked back. It took my husband a couple months to finally kick it. Since then we both were as clean as a whistle but in 2007 I had my third daughter and when I had my epidural I had extreme back pain ever since.So I have had to take pain pills so I can do my normal daily activities. I had my fourth daughter May of this year and I have started abusing them after having her. My back pain did get worse after her, but I am taking way more pills than what I should take. I have taken over 10 in one day. I never get "high" like I am druged out but they give me energy for some reason. I have one refill left before I see the doc again but I want this to be my last, I just told my husband last night and he is very supportive. I just need to know how to get off of these Norco's with out having a withdrawl. Should I ask my doctor? ]]> Substance Abuse nbaxter3022 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188973-new.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188844-im-still-alive-sober.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:07:50 GMT Hey guys!

Wow, it's been forever since I've been here.

I just got my internet back, and thought I'd check in to say hello.

If it weren't for this site and forum, and a lot of the support from people I met here (and countless hours in chat), I don't know if I would have been able to kick the dope to the curb. I hope you guys know that while, with one exception, we may have never met in person, you'll always have a place in my heart. :hug:

I've been doing well with my sobriety. Since I put the needle down, I haven't picked it back up. I've gotten drunk once and taken unprescribed xanax 3 times to help me sleep. Some people may not consider that being sober, but they can kiss my rosy rear end, which is rapidly growing in size each day!

Several people have sent me PMs asking how I was doing, etc. so rather than sending off individual messages, I'll be the lazy ass and just write one here.

:-)

Well, last time I was posting here, I was JUST kicking dope & found out I was pregnant. The baby was healthy, so we decided to adopt it out. The family backed out of the adoption when I was 16 weeks along. Blood tests showed I was positive for Hep C. *sigh* I had an abortion, and things were going really well after that up until September. From mid September until about a week and a half ago, I had a lot of major bleeding & clotting that was pretty scary. It seems like it's going to be okay now, though. I'll go back to the doc in a few weeks.

Right now, I've got the flu. I was just joking in the chat room that it really reminds me of detoxing. I've got a fever, achy muscles, feel like total crap and I'm back posting on SR! Haha, at least this time my symptoms are from a bug rather than a drug.

:dance:


How is everyone here?

Evan?

Penny?

Cleansing?

Nalla?

Emmer?

Stagebear?

Chameleon?

I know I forgot people, but it's been a hot minute since my 'net got shut off & it's hard to remember everyone's screen name.

I should probably get ready for work soon. I've been working at a bar (yeah, yeah yeah...shush.) not far from my house since the middle of July and they expect me around 545. I wish I could stay at home in bed, but I'm going to swallow some Vicks VapoSyrup & tough it out tonight. (by the way, that is the best shizzy ever for chest congestion. No alcohol in it, either.)

Love to everyone and I'll be back since I've got my internet up and running again.

xoxo

Pistoletta

P.S. :kickbutt to Ian G!! ]]> Substance Abuse Pistoletta http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188844-im-still-alive-sober.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188831-someone-thought-funny.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:48:45 GMT Ok, so about a week and a half ago, I was asked to pick up my male best friend's GF at her work (strip club) because we were getting off at nearly the same time and I worked right down the street. He asked me to because he didn't have much gas left and hadn't gotten any work in a few days. Ok, no problem right?
Until I found out a nasty little secret in there. The girls like to play, what I consider, a HORRIBLE trick on one another. They like to spike each other's drinks with ritalin, oxys, and X. And probably other things too. THAT is just what my best friend's GF admitted to. Anyway, I get there, she is not done yet. Closing is at 2:30 and I was there around 2:10. She knows me, so she asks if I want pop or water and I ask for a coke. And I settle in front of a TV screen (yeah, when you've been around strippers for a few years, you do not care that they are naked, I've seen her naked more times than I can count, at her house, for free, LOL). I finished off the first glass and asked for another. I got up, went outside to smoke, came back in and drank it. A few minutes later (really have no clue, because I lost track of time), I am feeling bouncy, over the top, can't sit still, and can't shut up. We take off like this and I told her I did not understand why I was SO energetic and couldn't sit still. She mentions that one of the other girls asked how she liked her ritalin (and we pretty much put two and two together at that point). I WAS PIS SED THE F U C K OFF! Apparently, the other girl saw my best friend's girl get the coke and assumed it was hers (she is UNDER 21 after all). So she slipped in the ritalin when she thought she wasn't looking, which meant neither was I. I was outside smoking. I lost my cookies, called the club the next day and told them what happened, who I knew it to be and expected her to be fired or I'd be calling the cops. Well, bf's gf told me that the girl was fired. She didn't like that I did that, but understood how serious I am to being and staying clean and away from drugs.
My thing is, has anyone else ever had to deal with this type of thing? How did you handle it? What were your thoughts and actions concerning your clean time?
It took me a few days, but dam mit, I didn't knowingly take the medication and I really don't care what others think of me for it, but I still consider myself clean. I did struggle with it, because, technically, I took a medication not prescribed to me, but HAD I known it to be in my drink, I would not have touched the dam med thing.
It also took me a few days to calm down from being so angry over it. I hope that club keeps a better eye on other's drinks from now on. That's a horrible trick to play. You don't know who the hell you could hurt over it. I think it would just be a lot funnier if they snapped each other's g-strings or bras... Much safer AND the customers would enjoy that versus having their drinks spiked because the stupid witch didn't know whose drink they were spiking..I really, for one of the few times in my life, am at a loss for words. I told my best friend I would never go back inside that place again. And I won't. Plus, even though I have had the unfortunate experience of having my drink spiked before, apparently I needed to relearn my lesson of taking my drink with me everywhere I go, or to just get a NEW ONE when I come back from smoking or the bathroom.. Ugh!
Thanks for listening folks. I do feel better. I love SR. :ghug3 ]]> Substance Abuse CrackQuack http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188831-someone-thought-funny.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188829-so-i-sitting-outside-thinking.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:06:44 GMT I am so happy and it's almost Christmas time and this time last year I was so strung out on pills, so unhappy, cheating on my husband, not taking very good care of my son and I was not me anymore.

Thank God (whoever that is) that I am sober today and I plan to be sober through the holidays. How wonderful is that. I am enjoying Christmas music, dancing like a fool with my son, singing and just beaming with joy. I am so happy now that I am sober and I can live, I can be happy, I am in love with my husband again, I love myself again and I can be the mother I know I am.

I get a little emotional when I think about it cause last Christmas I was so miserable. Today is a different day, a miracle that I am clean today. I don't think about drugs constantly, run after the drugs all the time. I am happy, in love and I am so looking forward to the rest of my life as a clean happy person. I LOVE RECOVERY AND ALL MY RECOVERING PEEPS! ]]> Substance Abuse ashleek http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188829-so-i-sitting-outside-thinking.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188824-gnarly-gnightmare.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:56:11 GMT Had the most realistic gnightmare that I was strung out on the oxys and getting busted by the Po Po !! I woke up in a panic and a cold sweat.

Ain't had one of them in awhile.

Whew. ]]> Substance Abuse windysan http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188824-gnarly-gnightmare.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188809-my-story.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:58:19 GMT i started taking percocet 5/325mg q6h, and then i was taking about 8-10 tablets a day. I also take either oxycontin 20mg twice a day or 40mg bid, total daily dose around 120mg of oxycodone. I decided... i started taking percocet 5/325mg q6h, and then i was taking about 8-10 tablets a day. I also take either oxycontin 20mg twice a day or 40mg bid, total daily dose around 120mg of oxycodone. I decided that i do not want to take these anoymore. Monday was the last day where i had about 120mg and yesterday i only had 1 oxycontin 20mg (i thought it might be better to wean off of it rather than d/c it straight. What do you guys think about this? Any ideas or thoughts? Yesterday after cutting the dose by 100mg, i felt normal, i cleaned the whole house, and tried to keep busy. Today i woke up and told myself that i am not going to take ANY oxycodone. I am taking Vitamin B6, L-Tryosine 1000mg, and Aleve for a little muscle pain, but so far its going ok, i got a bit of a headache but other than that so far so good. I've been on the pills for about 2 years. I have some suboxone 2mg tablets in case of severe cravings that i will take if i need them but i havent had to take it yet. Im off work for the week, hopefully i will be oxy-free and feeling great by next monday!!! ]]> Substance Abuse jason090883 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188809-my-story.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188777-percocet-help.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 02:38:22 GMT Hello,

This is my first post and I am an addict. I got hooked on percocet due to the pain control for 32 kidney stones I have had through out my life since I was 18.

It's crazy that this is the only drug that ever got me. I have tried almost everything out there, and perocet is the one that kept me coming back. I quit taking them back in July because I was fortunate enough to realize what I was doing, and put an end to it (on top of my doc prescribing, I was buying black market from a friend). I was going through 100mg on a weekend. All as well for a month. Then in August my appendix went out and I had to get the morphine jeopardy button, and then the doc gave me some percs to take home. He gave me 20 and I ate them in 4 days. Then I called my friend to get more twice. Then in late September, it hit me. This problem that I have is only going to get worse and worse. So I stopped. I deleted my friends number and quit taking anything other than advil (even passed a stone with Advil).

It has been 43 days now and I am going strong. I am just kind of worried about if I get a bad stone that puts me in the hospital. I hope I can stick with it. I never had Physical W/D, but the mental cravings are really strong. Still! Do these ever go away??

I am openly communicating with my wife about it, and also to a close friend who is in NA. I have been reading stories on here for some time which has really helped me and just wanted to share.

Pink Olive ]]> Substance Abuse pinkolive http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188777-percocet-help.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188771-1-year.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 01:17:45 GMT Nov 19 1 year. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In a few days my boy will be dead 1 year. I heart feels like it was yesterday. I have learned you... Nov 19 1 year.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a few days my boy will be dead 1 year. I heart feels like it was yesterday. I have learned you don't die from grief because I am still living. I think of all the good times together but with the holidays coming again all the tears will come more than last month. I don't think I will ever stop crying. I pray to God he will ease the grief and it has at times but others times it feels like a new wound. That hurt that you can't explain you just feel. The empty space that can't be filled I can't put it into words. But it is their always.
Thanks for reading this.
Your friend

Maggiemac
Jason's mum
11-19-08 overdose ]]> Substance Abuse Maggiemac http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188771-1-year.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188753-struggling.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:39:14 GMT Today is day 11, and I'm so worried about making it to day 12. I'm having problems with my psych doc. I had to stop my topamax (for bi-polar) because it was causing insomnia, intestinal issues, chest pains, kidney problems, and tingling in my hands and feet. I figured he would put me on something else; I figured wrong. One of the biggest reasons I started using was because it was a way to deal with the mood swings. I loved the manic side of bi-polar much more than the depressive side and using almost always kept me on the manic side. When he increased my topamax, I started experiencing all of the symptoms and tried to wait it out, but could no longer do so. I called his office yesterday and explained my problem. I was put on a waiting list for another appointment when I left there over 2 months ago...I am at least 2 weeks overdue for an appointment. I explained to the receptionist yesterday that it was probably not in my best interest to NOT be on anything for the mood swings / instability and she said "well he didn't give me anything to call in for you. We'll call you when we have a cancellation." I explained to her that I'm on my 11th day of sobriety and this could very well push me over the edge and she didn't seem the slightest bit concerned. I have been a patient there for over 3 years, and I have to be put on a f'n waiting list?? I called back today and pretty much demanded I either be seen, or be put on something else. Otherwise, I guess the only other way to be seen is to threaten to harm myself in the ER or something; and even then it will only get me a 3 day stay in they psych ward. ]]> Substance Abuse sunshine2481 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188753-struggling.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188752-withdraqwls.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:21:06 GMT :c021: can anyone tell me how long perocet withdrals last, my last one was sunday nov 15 at like 8 pm and now i cant sleep, eat , im so tierd, but i have to work and fuction. i need to no what to... :c021: can anyone tell me how long perocet withdrals last, my last one was sunday nov 15 at like 8 pm and now i cant sleep, eat , im so tierd, but i have to work and fuction. i need to no what to do to take the edge off. sorry let me start from the begeing ... I was a nurse that got hurt on the job 7 years ago and was given percs fro the pain dr. gave me them cause ultram doesnt work. so now 7 years and 100 pound later i still take them well i noticed that my mooods are bad and i forget things important things. and im nauses, all the time oooo and OCD forget it it's so bad i cant stop cleaning. but now i desided that enough is enough and i ve been trying to stop but last night uuuggghhh!!!!!!! i ve had 2 hourse of sleep. please help. the last time i went to N A my aunt went with me but shes no longer here and my family HAS NO IDEA HOW BAD THIS IS. I take on a good day 7-8 512's a day. costing me around $350-450 month.
:tyou ]]> Substance Abuse mydevine http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188752-withdraqwls.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188743-percocet-withdrawl.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:00:50 GMT Hello Everyody, Well its day four without any Percoct. I get an RX of 90 #10's a month and its always gone about 5 or 6 days before I can get the RX filled .so I can get it filled this thursday but I dont want to , I have stoped and started so manys times over the years and now my mind is telling me i want the drug more then my body . ]]> Substance Abuse lt14life http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188743-percocet-withdrawl.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188733-just-realized.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:06:52 GMT one year ago... the week before thanksgiving... i checked myself into inpatient detox... and today, i'm taking the step again... hoping this time will take.

i have been avoiding any other kind of migraine medication, because it doesnt get me high.

today, i will manage this. i will get help, and do things the right way. ]]> Substance Abuse elliebean http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188733-just-realized.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188723-question.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:26:53 GMT maybe people look at it different, but since i am starting suboxone today, would that be considered 1 day clean? or when i'm off the subosone do i start counting? ]]> Substance Abuse elliebean http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188723-question.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188681-started-again.html Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:54:50 GMT I started again after I wd for about 7 days. I am stupid I know. Now I am in the same situation again, no meds and starting to wd. I did try to wean down again and I did do a pretty good job until... I started again after I wd for about 7 days. I am stupid I know. Now I am in the same situation again, no meds and starting to wd. I did try to wean down again and I did do a pretty good job until I had my tooth pulled then I got a bunch of pills and I ate them like candy. Stupid stupid stupid. Then I started to take vicodin 7.5 about 5 a day for 3-4 days. Today was my last pills. So tomorrow the hell is going to start all over again for me. WHY!!!??? Do I do this?

I am just really hoping that the wd aren't to bad. Addiction sucks.

Today I am really whiped out. Just tired and weak and sick to my stomach a little of the runs but that is it. And that is with 5 vicodins just imagine what tomorrow is going to be like. Ugh!! But this is something that I can do. I can wd and I should be fine right? Jeez what am i doing with my life. Flushing it down the toilet i think.

I really hope that tomorrow isn't that bad. Thanks everyone for reading and any thoughts you would like to send my way are appreciated but i totally understand if you all (who supported me last time I did this) don't want to talk to me out of disappointment or disgust or what haver you.

Sh*t I can't belive i did this again. Really? I just wish this portion of my life would leave me alone. ]]> Substance Abuse bones197828 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/188681-started-again.html