Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia

[Done_With_It]

June 23

Since I have an eating disorder, meals are not always a pleasurable experience. I struggle to keep my emotions and my food separate, but it is so difficult! There are times when it is a battle to swallow each bite.

Intellectually I know that food is good for my body, and that without it I would die. But I hate my need for food; I want to do without it.

When I read this verse, God gave me the idea of visualizing food as little gifts, beautifully wrapped and bearing a tag saying, "From God, with love." I try to view my meals as a party, and I accept each bite as a present from God. It's hard to refuse gifts that my heavenly Father lovingly prepares and gives to me.

Now when eating is difficult, I remind myself that the gift of my life and health depends on my acceptance of God's gift of food. I'm thankful for the gifts that come to me from God, the giver of good things.

[Pony]

This is great Done.....thanks so much for sharing this.

[Hope]

Thank you Done!

[Done_With_It]

June 24

The lord promised Abraham an inheritance. To receive it he had to leave everything he knew. Abraham obeyed, although he did not know what the future held for him. He trusted that God would fulfill his promise.

I was called to my recovery in the same way. It is the land of my inheritance, but the journey is long hard. As I stepped out in faith, I had no idea what would take place. Like Abraham, I chose to trust God to be with me through the process.

I can imagine that it was painful for Abraham to leave his home and belongings and start out for an unknown destination. It was difficult for me to leave the comfort and security of my eating disorder, although I knew it was slowly killing me. I wondered, "What is my destination? Will I struggle only to fail again?"

Abraham took a risk, uprooting his family to move to an unknown place. By faith, he obeyed God and received his inheritance. I, too, am choosing to obey my calling and step out in faith; I will receive my inheritance of health.

[Nina Kay]

It was difficult for me to leave the comfort and security of my eating disorder, although I knew it was slowly killing me. I wondered, "What is my destination? Will I struggle only to fail again?"

I have felt like this and asked these questions many times when I have decided to leave my eating disorder in a quest for health. This is good Miss Done. We tend to be afraid of what we are not used to. We think will we really succeed or will the suffering of giving up our usual ways be a waste of time because we will only end up worse off than when we started. Sometimes this bad thought comes true, but if we continue to try again and again, we will see success and I know that it will be well worth out troubles in getting there.

[Done_With_It]

(These are all Taken from the book,
"Beyond the Looking Glass"
Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia)

July 4th

For years I was a prisoner in bondage to eating disorders. I could not get free of the distorted thinking that plagued me. I was haunted by feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.

Much of my life was used up trying to run from the pain. I busied myself trying to please others in order to feel better about myself. I based my entire worth on the opinions of those around me; I allowed them to determine my value.

The scariest prison of all was the eating disorder, it totally controlled my life. For a time I refused to eat at all, but that did not last long. When I finally allowed myself to eat, I could not do so in a normal manner. I found myself consuming huge quantities of food.

Christ came to set me free from all my prisons. He is healing my broken heart of the memories of sexual abuse. He has freed me from my obsession with food so that I can learn how to deal with my pain. He can bring freedom to your, life too!

[Done_With_It]

(Taken from the book,
"Beyond the Looking Glass"
Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia)

July 5th

Good Morning Lord!

I want you to take all of me and use me in this new day! I offer myself to you.

I give you my mind. Please take control of my thoughts and make them pleasing
to you. Thank you for my intellect. Help me to use it to accomplish what you have planned
for my day.

Father, take control of my mouth. Please make the words that come out of it kind an loving. Give me the ability to say honest words. Thank you for the pleaseure of eating good food.

Here are my arms and my hands. Thank you for making them whole and usable. It feels so good to hold others and to be held. I ask that the work I accomplish this day will bring glory to you.

I offer you my insides, Lord. Please protect my heart from the pain around me today.

Thank you for my strong legs and feet. Lord, direct my steps today so that I will be where you want me to be. Thank you for the ability to run and play.

[Done_With_It]

(These are all Taken from the book,
"Beyond the Looking Glass"
Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia)


July 6th

Today I am afraid I am going meet a deadline!
If I accomplish this task, I fear the expectations that will follow.
I will no longer be able to believe the lies that I have told myself for years.
I might just have to accept the fact that I am capable and worthwhile human being.!

Two sides of me are constantly warring against each other. Part of me is so afraid of failure that I resist any risks that might result in rejection. The other side of me is so afraid of success that I struggle not to sabotage my accomplishments.

The fear of failure is terrifying to me, but I realize now that success is equally hard to face. There is not much pressure living life as a failure; it is pretty easy to measure up to no standard at all.

Success means that I will have to change my belief system about who I am. The old
script I have written in stone will have to be smashed.

Stability is coming slowly in my recovery, as I strive to clear my mind of the old picture of me.

[Done_With_It]

(These are all Taken from the book,
"Beyond the Looking Glass"
Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia)

July 7th

This race I'm in is no game! The battle is against an eating disorder, and the prize is life.
I constantly have to ask myself, "Am I doing everything I can to win?"

There are many times when it seems easier to give in to old habits. I have to remind myself that those old habits almost cost me my life. It is costly to allow myself to take my recovery lightly.

At times I do not take time out to eat; I get busy and don't want to bother with food. It doesn't seem like a major offense, but when I am overly hungry at the next meal, it could mean the start of a binge. In order to run the race to win, I follow the food plan that keeps my body functioning.

Going to support groups is not always thrilling, but when I miss meetings, I get discouraged and am more susceptible to getting off track. Taking time out for my recovery is part of running this race to win.

If I push myself to do everything just right I get tired and irritable. A lack of sleep and time for recreation makes it hard to win the race. No matter what, I will continue to run this race for the prize of life.

[Nina Kay]

Hi Miss Done,
Thank you so much for posting these. Everyone of them works for me, even though I am not anorexic or bulimic. My eating disorder seems to take on the same way of thinking. We all have everything in common, but just vary a little in how we respond. It's all stinkin' thinkin'. Again thanks for posting these. I hope that you are completely well from your recent illness and that you're doing good otherwise also.
(((((((((Loving Hugs))))))))))

[Done_With_It]

(Taken from the book,
"Beyond the Looking Glass"
Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia)

July 8th

I was raised on a farm in Silverton, Oregon and when we sold it I felt lost. Though my home life was like a silent war, I found serenity in the coolness of the mountains. I loved the outdoors, choosing walks in the forest over nights in the city.

Peace was available to me in God's creation. When the pain got so great that I needed to cry, I would find a quiet spot outside, bury my head in my lap, and weep. My tears were not welcome in our home.

When I moved to the city, I did not know how to find peace; I felt stripped of the little peace I had. Bulimia became the outlet for my pain, and soon it began to destroy my dreams.

Now I am recovering from my addiction to food. I find my peace in God, others, and the little things that bring me joy. Some days my heart lets me know that there are more tears to be shed. Grieving old losses is vital for my growth and healing.

[Done_With_It]

Originally Posted by Nina Kay

I have felt like this and asked these questions many times when I have decided to leave my eating disorder in a quest for health. This is good Miss Done. We tend to be afraid of what we are not used to. We think will we really succeed or will the suffering of giving up our usual ways be a waste of time because we will only end up worse off than when we started. Sometimes this bad thought comes true, but if we continue to try again and again, we will see success and I know that it will be well worth out troubles in getting there.

I totally know what you are saying. Some days I really want to leave all my weight issues at the door, not worry about what size my jeans are, ughh, etc.

It would be so nice to not base my self worth on the number on my jeans or the scale. But then the fear hits, and the struggle is what I know, like you said. It's so scary to worry about my weight, what would I be, if I didn't! OY!~~ ;-)

Thanks Nina!

[Done_With_It]

Originally Posted by Nina Kay

Hi Miss Done,
Thank you so much for posting these. Everyone of them works for me, even though I am not anorexic or bulimic. My eating disorder seems to take on the same way of thinking. We all have everything in common, but just vary a little in how we respond. It's all stinkin' thinkin'. Again thanks for posting these. I hope that you are completely well from your recent illness and that you're doing good otherwise also.
(((((((((Loving Hugs))))))))))

Your very welcome my friend, . I am actually really glad I was asked to do them, because it makes me read them every day also.

Yea, e.d. thinking is all the same, all goes hand in hand. It sucks.
I was a little nervous about posting these because they are all very very
christian based and didn't want anyone who wasn't christian to not read them. My treatment center was very christian based and that is where I got the book, but I've found if someone isn't christian they can rephraze it to how it fits to them.

Anyway....... Thanks Nina. I am still pretty sick,but hopefully I'll get better soon...

[Done_With_It]

(These are all Taken from the book,
"Beyond the Looking Glass"
Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia)

July 9th

Where did I get the idea that I cannot eat meat? Why can't I drink milk with fish?
Who says I can't mix fruits and proteins at the same meal?
Can I really expect never to consume sugar again?
What makes me think I will get fat if I eat three well-balanced meals each day?

My ideas about eating have come from a variety of sources. I learned recently that one of my uncles choked on a fish bone while he was drinking milk, so my family has avoided the combination of fish and milk at the same meal. Talk about a wives' tale!

Some of my irrational beliefs regarding food are not so easy to trace, but I am trying to let go of my obsessive thoughts on food. I want to eat properly so my body functions well, and I have found that I can do that without feeling deprived!

In the last year I have been following a good plan prescribed by my nutritionist. It is well-balanced and allows me to eat the foods I like. I am able to enjoy food more now., and am learning that food is not something to be feared!

[Done_With_It]

(These are all Taken from the book,
"Beyond the Looking Glass"
Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia)

July 10 th

I hate to admit it, but I'm a lot like Martha, especially when I'm expecting company. No matter how much time and effort I spend on cleaning, it's never enough.

My family dreads having company because they know it means I'll be in a cleaning frenzy for days before the guests arrive. I lose all objectivity; everything else is forgotten except the urgent need to put the house in perfect order.

I have learned so much from my friend Karen. Her house is open to anybody at all hours of the day or night. She works and is busy with her family and church activities, so her house is rarely in perfect shape. She just doesn't sweat the small stuff!

Karen's attitude is one I envy. Relationships are the more important to her than cleaning, and she makes time for friends and family. Amazingly, people seem to enjoy themselves; they feel relaxed and welcome in her home.

I am working to become more like Karen and less like Martha. I remind myself that my worth is not dependent on the way my house looks.

[Done_With_It]

(These are all Taken from the book,
"Beyond the Looking Glass"
Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia)

July 11th

My eating disorder "Career" started with anorexia, but although I liked being thin, I hated feeling hungry. I soon learned that I could eat what I wanted and not gain weight by throwing up. It seemed like a great way to keep my weight under control.

When I was confronted with my purging I stopped doing it. I was not able to stop eating compulsively, though. Now I know there was a secret pain hidden underneath my obsession with food.

For years I ate everything in sight, and my weight got completely out of control. It did not seem to matter at the time. I hated myself when I was thin, and hated myself when I was fat.

There came a point in time when I had my fill of food. I was also aware that I could not go on living the way I was, because my life was in danger. I wondered back then why God didn't intervene. It was as if I expected him to reach down and take the food out of my mouth. I have since learned that I was not willing to receive his help until I was sure I could not fix myself.

[Done_With_It]

(These are all Taken from the book,
"Beyond the Looking Glass"
Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia)


July 12th

The first few months out of treatment were extremely painful.
It took constant effort not to slip back into the old unhealthy habits. I struggled daily to eat just what I was supposed to, no more and no less.

One morning was especially difficult; I remember crying for hours because I was not sure I could keep up the effort. At that time, in my weakened state, I heard the doorbell ring.

A smiling Girl Scout greeted me as I opened the door. It was time for the their annual cookie sale! After she had made her sales pitch, she said apologetically, "All I have left are three boxes of the peanut butter kind." I couldn't believe my ears-thy are my all-time favorite cookies!

I left her at the door while I made a dash for cash inside. As I was frantically gathering up change I got a look at myself in the mirror, and I did not like what I saw. I asked myself, "So how are those cookies going to help me feel any better?"

Reluctantly I sent the Girl Scout on her way, with all three boxes of peanut butter cookies still in tow. I was amazed at what had happened. I felt as though the devil himself had just tempted me, with the one thing that was almost irresistible. But I had been given the strength to resist!

[Done_With_It]

July 13th

One day my family and I were playing a board game on the floor. My son excused himself to use the bathroom but soon rushed back into the living room. He said excitedly, "MOM, you've got to come see what's in the toilet!" And then he proceeded to describe it in vivid detail.

I became agitated and then angry as he continued because I knew very well what was in the toilet; I had purged my lunch just before joining the family. He had uncovered my secret. I was ashamed and humiliated as I tried to come up with an alibi.

As painful as it was, God used my son's discovery to propel me into recovery. I had kept the secret for so long that it was almost a relief when it was disclosed! I realized that my disease had become unmanageable; my eating disorder was controlling my life.

It has been over one year since that incident. My life is new and different since receiving treatment. I am not the same woman I was when my son made his discovery.

Although my family was not aware of the disease that was slowly killing me, God knew all along. He saw my pain when I thought I only had an "eating problem." My secrets and shame were not news to him, but he loved me anyway!

[Done_With_It]

July 14th

Many times I have tried to change a part of my personality that I disliked. I worked and struggled, with no results! I thought the answer was turning the things over to God and letting him take care of the problem. I prayed, "Lord, change me, "but I was still no different.

When I read this verse in the Bible, it was as if God turned on the light bulb in my head! I realized that God was not going to change me instantly, but I did not have to make the changes on my own either.

This verse also makes clear that hte changes come after much hard work. The good news is that God is willing to use his marvelous power working through me to bring about change!

This same principle applies to my eating disorder. I struggle so that I may recover. I praise God that he is willing to use his infinite strength to heal me.

[Done_With_It]

July 15th

For the thirteen years that my eating disorder controlled my life, food was my central focus. I spent many hours every day thinking about food, planning my next meal, preparing food, and then eating it. At one point, I invested hours each day watching cooking shows on television.

Before I enetered treatment I made dozens of meals and froze them for my family. My husband assumed that my motive was to care for my family's needs while I was away. Truthfully, it was just part of my obsession with food. I was clinging to food for security.

I couldn't seem to get enough groceries in the house. The cupboards were already bulging, but I continued to bring more food home. It was such a relief to enter treatment and have nothing to do with food for awhile! It was prepared and set in front of me; my job was simply to eat it. That break from responsibility with food freed me to look at what was causing me to be obsessed with food.

Food is slowly losing its grip on me. As I continue to work on the real problems in my life, food becomes less and less of an issue.

[Done_With_It]

July 16th

When I first left the treatment center for eating disorders, I did not think I could make it through a whole day in the real world. People kept encouraging me to live one day at a time, but the days were too long! I had to concentrate on minutes and hours.

The trauma of returning to the mainstream of life was extremely painful; it took more than I knew was in me. I learned to rely on God and to turn to others when I was tempted to quit.

As I look back over the last year of my life, I am amazed and grateful to see what has taken place. Progress is evident in many areas of my life. some issues are still not resolved, but thing are looking much more hopeful.

In the early stages of my recovery, I was still obsessed with food. It was a struggle to follow my food plan; I was tempted to eat more or less than I needed to be healthy. Now food is not so much of an issue. When I start obsessing about food or weight, I know there is something else troubling me.

Take hope! I know how painful it is to give up old, familiar behaviors because I've been there. I promise it gets easier as time passes.

[Done_With_It]

July 17th

Even though I had been married over nine years, my parents were still very involved in my life. I talked to my mom on the phone almost daily, and my dad was always there to bail us out if my husband and I needed help financially. And my parents' wishes were still mine to fulfill-at least that's what I thought.

During treatment I became aware of how dependent I was on my parents' approval. I would do anything to make them happy, even if it caused friction in my marriage. When I realized the extent of our attachement I felt a lot of anger. It made me mad to see that I treated them like gods.

At one point in my recovery I asked my parents not to contact me at all. I needed to make a separation in my identity and theirs. It was painful for them, and it hurt me too. A friend told me I was going through a
'Parent-ectomy"; It felt like surgery without anesthesia.

The purpose of the separation was not to cause them to change. I have accepted that the way the are is the way they will always be. I needed time to work on me! It was important for me to learn not to react to their requests.

Today we are in contact again, and are working on developing a new, healthier relationship.

[Done_With_It]

July 18th

I wonder what my purpose here on earth is. As I look back over my life I see that I have gone through many stages. Some of what I see is favorable, other parts I am not so proud of.

I have spent much of my life trying to be what others expected of me. I tried to please my parents, my friends, my husband, and my children. It took me thirty-three years to realiae that I could really be who I wanted to be, just exactly what God intended. I don't need the approval of others to be me.

I have chosen to approach life with a positive attitude. I know now much can be accomplished if I choose to di it with a cheerful heart. Life is not easy; I know I must face the struggles and pain. It is easier now that I am being myself and not pretending.

It is exciting to learn that I can make choices, instead of allowing others to dictate what paths I take. God has given me talents and abilities that are worthwhile and valuable.

[Done_With_It]

July 19th



I do not always give a straight answer; often I say what I think others want to hear. My words has not always been good either. I was so anxious to please everyone, I agreed to do things that were impossible.

Another way for me to avoid responsibility is by not answering at all!! I fear voicing an opinion since you might not agree with me. Rather than risk rejection I avoid expressing my needs.

In parenting, it is easier to say "Maybe later, not right now," than to deal with the disappointment of my children when I tell them no. But they have learned that I do not always mean what I say!

Part of becoming whole is taking risks. As scary as it may be, I am learning to say what I mean. This is hard; it means resisting the urge to speak impulsively. If I am going to be vulnerable, I want to make sure that what comes out of my mouth is really what I believe.

I want to be taken at my word. This means I must face the fear of rejection and speak my mind.

[Done_With_It]

July 20th

Dear God,

I am at my lowest. Everyone is against me; everything I try fails. The kids are really getting on my nerves; they are noisy and messy, and they ignore my requests. My husband is gone. I have no idea when he will be home.

I don[t even feel like getting dressed or taking time to look nice. I turn to food; maybe i twill make me fee better. No one else is here to help!

WAIT! I am telling myself lies again. You are with me, Lord; you are always there. It is so easy to overlook the one who can really help.

God, I thank you for this chance to change. Use this difficult time to mold me into what you want. Thank you for saving me! Thank you for planning thins so that I do have a part in life. I do have choices.

I see you making me strong and giving me control over the things that usually control me. Continue to give me strength as I go through these changes. I want to be a woman, a wife, and a mother who is becoming whole.