Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia

[Done_With_It]

August 11th

My parents played a huge part in my choice to become eating-disordered. It has been hard not to blame them entirely for all the bad things in my life.

I have learned that hanging on to resentment toward my parents has only hurt me. I worked through my anger at my mom and dad for the hurts they caused, but to stay stuck in that anger would be costly. I am now trying to let go of my anger toward my parents.

It is hard to get past being angry at them, but I have to face my responsibility. I can choose to remain unhealthy, blaming my parents for the way I am, or I can make new choices for my life. There comes a time when I can no longer blame my past, as ugly as it is, for my present condition.

Today I am a parent, and I am painfully aware of how easy it it to make mistakes with children! This perspective helps me give my parents a degree of honor for the job they did parenting me, even though it was not perfect.

[Done_With_It]

August 12th

This verse was given to me by a dear friend while I was in treatment for my eating disorder. At that time my confidence was wavering. I was starting to wonder if I could make it through the program.

The realization that abstinence alone would not guarantee wholeness was terrifying! I could not imagine going home and surviving in the very same set of circumstances that propelled me into treatment.

This friend saw my progresss and abilities more clearly than I could.
With her encouragement I began to realize that I was strong enough to persevere! Many times that has meant just holding my ground and not getting sidetracked.

I have held my ground; I have reversed setbacks! With God's power I am well on my way to recovery. I am reaping the rewards of becoming healthy; my life is now rich and full.

Allow yourself to be encouraged. It helps to spend time with friends who can help you see yourself more clearly. Help others in that same way!

[Done_With_It]

August 13th

I spent the better part of my life conforming myself to the world's image of beauty. I was determined to attain a perfect body. My quest consumed me; I was willing to sacrifice both health and relationships to reach this ideal.

Finally there came a point where the price was too high! My body was breaking down; sometimes my heart pounded so hard that I thought it would jump right out of my chest. My relationships, like my body, were also breaking down; I was overwhelmed with loneliness.

The world tells me that beauty is on the outside, but have you noticed how the standard for beauty changes from year to year? God looks at my inner beaty, and what he desires does not change. In his eyes, I am a beautiful part of his creation.

How can I be transformed instead of conformed to this world? The change comes from renewing my mind. In today's lingo, I must change my "self-talk." When I look in a mirror, I no longer say,
"I'm fat and ugly!"
Instead I say, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (Ps. 138:14). When I make a mistake. If God loves me, cellulite and all, who am I to say he's wrong?

[Done_With_It]

August 14th
As a child, I loved to sing a song in Sunday school about this passage of Scripture. The song has hand motions and describes in detail how each house was built, and how storms came and blew it. It was always such fun to end the song by hollering, "Smash!"

I have enjoyed teaching that song to my own children and those I teach in Sunday school. it brings back the child in me; it is hard to refrain from acting out the motions playfully.

The words of the song have almost lost their meaning for me because I have sung them so many times. The messsage is clear: things built on a firm foundation ground fall apart under pressure.

My life was built on unstable ground. Although I professed to be a follower of Christ, my faith in him was weak. I really worshipped the gods of beauty, riches and perfecion, none of which provided a sold foundation for my life. Today I am rebuilding my life on the solid rock of Jesus. He has provided me with the strength to withstand the storms of life.

[Done_With_It]

August 15th

In the year since I entered treatment for my eating disorder, I think I have cried more than I ever had before in twenty eight years of life. There have been times when I cried for hours, even days! I cry for the sadness and pain in my childhood; there are many painful memories that I never grieved. I feel better after I let the tears flow.

I once thought that by pushing painful memories down inside me with food they would somehow go away. That was not the case. When I think of all the years of my life that I have invested in my eating disorder, it makes me cry.

Recently I became acutely aware of the ways I hurt others with my selfishness. I cry when I think of how my children have suffered because I am not whole. I share my tears with them, and I let them know that I am sorry for the pain I have caused.

Getting in touch with the pain and sadness in my life has not been all bad. Because I am learning to acknowledge my feelings of sadness, other feelings are coming to the surface as well. Going through suffering has made me more aware of real joy. At times I believed I would never smile or laugh again, but I have, and it feels good!

[Done_With_It]

August 16th

For years a thick wall of fear surrounded me like a cloud. I was afraid of failure and of new people and new situations. I was terrified that others could see me as the miserable failure that I thought I was. The fear became so overwhelming that it paralyzed me emotionally.

My self-esteem was based on what I looked like, so when I thought I didn't not look good enough I hid myself. Much of the time I isolated myself from my friends and family. I dreaded going to my husband's company dinner and I starved myself for days before the event. If I did not believe that I had lost enough weight, I would come up with an excuse not to go. Eating in front of new people was too great a fear. I thought everyone would look at me and think, "How can that fat pig eat?"

In recovery I am learning to run to God with my fears. When I am confronted with an uncomfortable situation and I'm tempted to run away, turning to God gives me the courage to face things head on.

God knows my fears! I can tell him my secrets and trust that he will understand. My feelings are not silly or inconsequential to God; I am his child.

[Done_With_It]

August 17th


Dear Lord,

Sometimes I wonder if I am even capable of trusting you. When the slightest problem arises I begin to doubt that you will take care of me. I question you and I worry about my lack of faith.

I know you have never led me astray; many of my problems are due to my own poor choices. I start pretending that I can recover on my own, and then -----Watch Out------!
I find myself in big trouble.

Lord, it is so easy to forget that you were there in my darkest hour. Through seven years of bulimia, you protected my life. You directed me to a place where it was safe to share my secrets and begin the process of healing. I know you are guiding me during my time in treatment, Father.

Lord, thank you for this new start. This path of recovery is rougher than I anticipated, but I will trust you to be by my side. I am excited about this new life, one without the constant thoughts of food and self. Teach me to accept love and happiness.

I will continue to rest in your loving arms! Please forgive me when I forget to rely on you. Thank you for saving me from the awful pain of my eating disorder. Amen.

[Done_With_It]

August 18th

For years, I believed ninety-percent of the Bible. I totally accepted almost all of God's Word, no questions asked.
But part of the Scriptures gave me trouble.

I choked on the verses in the Bible that dealt with God creating me. I did not believe that I was wonderfully made, although I certainly had no trouble acceptaning that truth for others.

Because I believe the Bible is true, I had to find a way around those particular passages. My answer was to apply them to my soul, my inner self. I could believe that my mind is a wonderful creation, and I accepted that God skillfully wrought my sense of humor.

The truth is that God created me to be me! Not only did he create my soul and spirit, God fashioned my body as well. He gave me an overabundance of hips and short legs, but he also gave me beautiful eyes and curves in all the right places.

When I look in the mirror and am temped to despise the creation. I acknowledge what my Creator has done. I learned that I cannot love God and yet hat his creation. I will praise him for his work.

[Done_With_It]

August 19th

One morning as I was journaling I glanced up at my calendar on the wall.
In the early stages of my recovery, I kept track of my abstained from disordered eating behaviors. On the days when I binged and purged, I made an X.

The last three days on the calendar had an X in each square. My first thought was, "Strike three, you're out!" At that moment I had a choice to make. I could walk off the field of recovery, or I could try again.

I decided not to quit, and my recovery had progressed because of that choice. Actually recovery from addiction is no game. Three strikes simply means it is time for a new start. God willingly gives second chances, and third and fourth chances, too!

I have committed myself and my recovery to God. I am trusting him to bring about the healing that is necessary in my life.

[Done_With_It]

August 20th

Quite Time, Rest and Relaxation are foreign terms to me!
I fear that if I slow down I might gain weight; nothing could be worse. So I keep myself moving all the time to keep the calories burning!

I believe there are deeper reasons why I will not slow down.
If I slow down long enough, I might have to think about what is inside me. I do not want to face the fear and pain. What will I find if I take time to lok inside my heart?

I fear spending time with God, because I'm afraid I will learn that he does not ruly love me. Deep inside me there is a fear that I am unlovable. To keep from facing that fear I keep myself busy, with no time to think or feel.

Many times I sensed God whispering, "Be still and know me."
What does it mean to know he is God? For me it means learning about God and his attributes. When I trully know God as he is, I am able to rest in the knowledge that he is in control.

[Done_With_It]

August 21

It is such a comfort to know that God is involved in my life. Somehow I just can't picture God sitting passively in heaven, watching life go by on earth.

God is interested in the hard times, sufferings, and struggles as well as the good times. In his loving way God gave me the gift of his Holy Spirit to be near me. I sense his presence offering strength, comfort, and guidance as I make my way through life.

As my daughter learned to walk, I stayed close to her. Each time she fell I picker her up and made sure she was steady on her feet before allowing her to try again. I could not prevent her from falling, but I could be there to make sure she was safe.

I know that God is the best parent around! As I stumble and fall over the bumps in my life, he is there to pick me up. He allows me to fall; that's just part of learning to walk. But he is always there to make sure that my feet are planted before I take my next step.

[Done_With_It]

August 22

Often I am so caught up in my own pain that it seeems like no one else has been through as much as I have. When I allow myself to dwell on my circumstances, I fall into the trap of self pity.

I have seen my fair share of pain. I have a history of both physical and sexual abuse. I attempted to numb myself from pain with food, but it didn't work! That only added another problem to my list.

A support group member recently requested furniture for a woman who had been released from jail. I am thanful that I never experienced that kind of pain! Hearing that announcement made me very aware of how many people are hurting.

My life has been far from perfect, but could be worse! God has used the pain in my life to equip me to help others. He used my eating disorder to prople me into treatment; there I was given the tools I needed to live.

When I start feeling like I am the only one in the world who has seen trouble, all it takes is quick look around me. There are plenty of folks who have not yet started to deal with their pain.

[Done_With_It]

August 23

Do you ever wonder if recovery is really possible? God used this verse to encourage me about my own progress. He gave me hope that recovery is not only possible but also inevitable. God has opened the door to recovery for me, and no one can close it, not even me!


If I relapse, the door to recovery will still be open to me. God knows that I am not strong, and his strength has carried me throught the tough times. I am also strengthened through friends, support groups, therapy and my food plan.

Each day God gives me another chance! I wake up and choose to go through the door that he has opened for my healing. I draw on all the rescources that our Lord had made available to me. The door will never close; all I need is the determination to walk through and keep on recovering.

[Done_With_It]

August 24

When I got on the scales to weigh myself I was shocked to see I had gained a few pounds. During treatment for my eating disorder I had decided to keep my weight at a certain level; now I had gone over the limit.

All because of a few pounds I panicked. I allowed my feelings to take control, and I felt a mixture of anger, loneliness, and fear. I ran to the mirror and judged myself as fat and ugly. The thoughts of returning to old behaviors came to mind. I wanted to eat to numb myself from the feelings.

Instead I chose not to endanger my recovery. I see myself coping with feelings, learning to make good choices, and becoming more honest. The issues before me are painful, but I am encouraged by the growth I see.

God has provided me with an opportunity for healing; he has set before me the land of recovery. When I feel discouraged and afraid, I remind myself that he will give me strength.

[Done_With_It]

August 25

I used to spend at least ninety percent of my time thinking about food. I obsessed about calories constantly; every bite was accounted for. Much of the rest of my time was spent on the scale or in front of the mirror. I worried about how much I weighed and what I looked like.

I was fighting a losing battle! No matter how little I ate or how much weight I lost, it was never enough. The reflection in the mirror was never satisfactory.

When I read these verses I was so relieved! The pressure to look perfect was removed.

I must admit, though, that the change in thinking did not happen the first time I read the passage. I prayed that God would show me what was really important in life, which things would last. I prayed daily that God would give me a gentle and quit spirit. As I prayed my priorities changed! I'm learning to put less importance on my looks and spend more time on things that matter.

[Done_With_It]

August 26th

During my recovery it has become painfully clear who my real friends are. A few people have stuck by me through all of my pain. They were there to support me while I still struggled with my eating disorder and they encouraged me to seek help when I needed it.

Many other people have not been supoortive of me in my quest for wholeness. Some are not able to deal with the changes that have taken place in my life.

I thank God for providing me with several good friends who love me for me not matter what. I have also learned to rely on him for many of my needs. It is a comfort to know that even if the people around me are not understanding, God understands

He has given me the strength to do what is best for me and not depend on other's approval. I have learned that many of my friendships were based on unhealthy patterns. I am now making new friends who understand and support my recovery.

[Done_With_It]

August 27

Perfection is Always my goal!!
I want to be whole, inside and out, but I am not very patient in the process.

These days I am less obsessed with becoming perfect on the outside, but I am still driven to become a better person. As I grow closer to God, I see more clearly how unlike him I am. I am lacking in many areas of personal growth.

God is much more patient with me than I am with myself. He does not have me on a rigid timetable; that is all my doing. I spent so many years numbed to life that I feel driven to make up for lost time. But I can't rewind my life like a videotape and do it over again.

I think God did give me a new start at life by allowing me to be in treatment at Remuda Ranch. There I was given the tools I need to live without my eating disorder. God is perfecting me; it is a slow, often painful process. He is gently peeling away the ugly layers of my heart so that I am becoming more and more like him. The least I can do it be patient.

[soberup]

Hi

I have mislaid my copy of this bk and I was wanting to lend it to a friend. I came across ur posts and have printed some off 4 my friend.

I have a question tho, if you still have the bk, were there bible verses to accompany each day?

If there are, could you let me know what they are for the 1st 14?

thanks very much

[Pony]

Miss Done... have I told you lately how much I appreciate all you do here.

[Done_With_It]

Originally Posted by Pony

Miss Done... have I told you lately how much I appreciate all you do here.

Ahh Thanks...
I had to stop writing these because they were taking too long,
but there is a new one I can start doing from Hazleton, because
it's faster.

[Done_With_It]

Originally Posted by soberup

Hi

I have mislaid my copy of this bk and I was wanting to lend it to a friend. I came across ur posts and have printed some off 4 my friend.

I have a question tho, if you still have the bk, were there bible verses to accompany each day?

If there are, could you let me know what they are for the 1st 14?

thanks very much

Yea, they are for each day, but I'm not sure what you mean for the
1st 14?

Jan 14th? or the first 14 days?
Let me know what you want and I'll try and write them or type them out when I get a chance this week..

You can also order the book online or at amazon or at a treatment center bookstore, if you want the whole book.

[Pony]

Done that would be good if you wanted to continue these writings.

[Done_With_It]

Okay dokay, Will start again tomorrow..

If I happen to go a day or two and forget,
feel free to remind me ..
I tend to do really well and then for some
reason I totally forget. I'm such a space.
But I'll remember for awhile now..

[Done_With_It]

Tuesday, September 16, 2008



Understanding

The understanding, which we gain through the OA program, is a source of constant amazement and gratitude. First, we begin to understand our illness. Then, we grow in understanding of others and ourselves. Finally, our eyes are opened more and more to the spiritual aspects of our existence.

Hearing someone else's story gives us insight into our own behavior. We act as mirrors, reflecting each other's problems and solutions. As we act, we are given greater understanding of why we do what we do and how we may function better. In order to gain more understanding, we must first act on the knowledge we have. Intellectual awareness alone will not enable us to control our disease.

The empathy and understanding, which we receive from fellow OA members, give us the strength and hope to recover. We begin to see where our attitudes were wrong and how to go about correcting them. As we acknowledge the Power greater than ourselves and give our lives over to Him, we open a new channel of spiritual insight and understanding.

May I understand.

[Done_With_It]

Well...... I'm starting off on a roll. That was the wrong post.
But I'll leave it. Here it the "Correct" one.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Understanding

The understanding, which we gain through the OA program, is a source of constant amazement and gratitude. First, we begin to understand our illness. Then, we grow in understanding of others and ourselves. Finally, our eyes are opened more and more to the spiritual aspects of our existence.

Hearing someone else's story gives us insight into our own behavior. We act as mirrors, reflecting each other's problems and solutions. As we act, we are given greater understanding of why we do what we do and how we may function better. In order to gain more understanding, we must first act on the knowledge we have. Intellectual awareness alone will not enable us to control our disease.

The empathy and understanding, which we receive from fellow OA members, give us the strength and hope to recover. We begin to see where our attitudes were wrong and how to go about correcting them. As we acknowledge the Power greater than ourselves and give our lives over to Him, we open a new channel of spiritual insight and understanding.

May I understand.