Daily Devotions for Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia

[Done_With_It]

July 21

As many times as I have wished to die, I was never able to follow through with it. I had considered suicide several times, but my life was spared.

It was not until I was actually 'Close to Death' that I realized how precious life is to me. I had a bad reaction to a combination of drugs and rushed to the emergency room in the middle of the night. The professionals there pumped my stomach and then filled it with charcoal to absorb the drugs that were left.

I remember the stern voice of the nurse reminding me to breathe, and I can vaguely recall hearing the doctors discussing their concern that my blood pressure would not stabilize. Even in my dazed state I knew that my life was in danger, and I was terrified.

Something inside me took over; I did not want to die! It took everything inside me to continue breathing, and I made the effort to stay alive.

I view things differently since that close call; My life is valuable to me. There are still days when I feel like giving up. When I get overwhelmed and I just want to die, I share honestly with others who can give me encouragement. I have come too far to give up now!

[Done_With_It]

July 22

I often Forget to ask for help. I plow ahead, doing things on my own and feeling like I can't stand the strain. It is easy to turn to food for comfort when life seems overwhelming.

I must make many decisions that have an impact on others. Sometimes I take on areas that are not rightly mine, but other times the responsibility is mine to handle. It helps to remember that I do not have to handle it alone.

I am learning to distinguish between responsibilities I must deal wit hand those I can delegate to others. I have become aware of how hard I try to do what's "Right". It is impossible always to make the best choice, but I have seen God use even the worst situations to bring about growth in my life.

I tend to forget that God is with me. I will rely on God's strength and his wisdom, and I will trust him with the lives of those I love as well.

[Done_With_It]

July 23

Some of my thoughts are Not based on logical beliefs. I have told myself lies for so long that I now believe them. It is hard to change thought processes, but it has to be done if I want to be healthy!

My thinking often makes no sense. "I feel lonely, so I'll get a milkshake." "My friend hurt my feelings; I'll show her, I WON'T EAT ALL DAY!" "I'm not prepared for this test, maybe a candy bar will make me feel better."
"I feel guilty for eating so much-I'd better get rid of it." "Well, I already blew my food plan; I guess I'll finish this cake."

My thoughts are not God's thoughts. He furnishes me with a new start every day, even every minute. When I make poor choices, God i there to offer me a clean slate.

None of the things I did in the past made me feel better, at least not for long. There is always a price to pay for instant gratification.

[Done_With_It]

July 24th

Since I was sexually abused as a child, my fear of people is great. Consequently, I find it difficult to trust others. During treatment for my eating disorder, I worked hard to trust the professionals in the center. In my mind they had a hidden agenda I felt like people were bent on hurting me.

Part of my recovery has been to risk trusting others with little parts of me. I try to stay open and honest, but being vulnerable is terrifying! In truth, people are only human; they will sometimes hurt me, even if it is unintentional. My tendency is to shut down. I want to retreat into myself and push others far away. Each time I get hurt, vulnerability is more of a risk.

I have learned, though, that I cannot walk alone on this path to wholeness. I need people, as much as I hate to admit it. I am willing to push through the fear of being hurt and trust people, a little bit at a time.

God is not limited by factors like time, energy, and the ability to love. He is always there for me, even when people fail to meet my needs.

[Done_With_It]

July 25th

Forgiving myself for my past is one of the most difficult things I have had to face in my recovery. Although I knew God had forgiven me, I couldn't accept it and feel forgiven. I still carried shame and guilt because my actions had dishonored God.

During recovery I learned that dwelling on my past does not bring honor to God. Jesus Christ died for my sins; he knew what sins I would commit, but he loved me anyways. I make Christ's death on the cross seem futile if I do not accept his forgiveness.

It helps if I picture all my shame, guilt, and sins nailed to the cross. Jesus has washed me clean! This forgiveness is available to anyone who reopens of their sins and turns to God. Now my heart is so full of my relationship with Christ that there is no room left for shame!

[Done_With_It]

July 26th

When I feel hurt, I want to take my pain out of someone. Oddly enough, I used to punish myself when I was angry with others.
Eating everything in sight and then throwing up until my stomach ached did not hurt anyone but me! Skipping meals won't make any one aware that you are angry at them. Going to bed for the day is not a healthy way to express feelings.

There is no way to change an eating disorder unless you look at what's "Eating" you. What hurts inside that makes you want to starve yourself? What has made you feel so dirty that taking thirty laxatives is the only way to feel clean? Who are you So Angry at that eating an entire cake is ALL you can do to push the feelings down?

I used to eat myself into oblivion, but it wasn't a great place to be once I got there. The pain was still inside and the food no longer numbed it. I do not yet want to love those who have hurt me, but I am ready to stop hurting myself for their mistakes.

[Done_With_It]

Okay, I'm all caught up! Sorry guys, I got a little sidetracked and then way behind. I'm back on track to doing it daily though! :-)

[Nina Kay]

Hi Miss Done,
I really appreciate you sharing these readings with us here. I can personally relate to most of these with my eating disorder, even though I do not deal with bulimia or anorexia. I can see that no matter which form our eating disorders take, our self-talk is almost exactly the same. Thanks again for sharing these.

[Done_With_It]

Yea, I know what you mean. The self talk... Ughhh...

Your welcome, I am glad you like them and they are helpful!

Nina your the best! Never forget that!

[Hope]

I love these too! They really help me a lot. I can really relate to the devotions! It really gives me things to think about and explore. Thank you Done!!

[Done_With_It]

July 27th

Hey Lord,

Yeah, it's me again. I am feeling lonely, and my heart is still hurting. I didn't think it would take so long to be healed.

I'm so grateful for the wholeness I have experienced in the area of my eating disorder. The pain did not go away when I stopped abusing food, but it's much easier to deal with life without my head stuck in the toilet.

Lord, I really want to be whole in other areas of my life, too. My marriage is a wreck, and I don't have a whole lot of hope about the outcome of that mess. Give me hope, please! Strengthen my faith in you.

Please protect my kids during this scary time. I don't want them to end up with problems like mine. Please take care of their little hearts and keep them safe, God!

My relationship with my parents is still strained, too. I have to let go of them and trust you to work. I am not real great at trusting you, as you know.

Help me get used to the changes in my body, Lord, and tell me what I need to do about my weight. Everybody has advice, but I want to hear what you think.
Talk Louder Please!

[Done_With_It]

July 28th

Lately I've been longing to be cared for. Many of my needs went unmet as a child, and I'm trying to make up for what I lacked.

In treatment I learned that I am responsible for making my needs known;
I can't expect those I love to read my mind. It is difficult to express my needs, though, because it means admitting that I a not self sufficient. That's probably no big surprise to others, but I have tried to convince myself that I can live comfortably Without anyone else.

I find myself demanding more than people are willing or able to give me. I long to be cared for and made to feel special.
I realize, though, that it is never enough.
No matter how much people tell me that I am worthwhile,
I still feel empty.

When I was a child I felt alone and abandoned.
In prayer I have invited Jesus to be with me in those times.
I can visualize him holding me in his arms.

God is my refuge today; he is there when I need him. He cares for me now, just as he always has.

[Done_With_It]

July 29th

I struggle with feelings of unworthiness. The fact that I
do not have a college degree is a particularly sensitive issue.

The world tells me, "In order to be a success, to be of value,
you must have initials behind your name." Most of my
friends have had a formal education, and I often feel inadequate
around them because I do not have a degree.

I constantlly work to keep my feelings of worth intact.
Today God gave me the idea that I do have many initials after my name.
I did not earn them at an institution of higher learning;
these honorary degrees were bestowed on me
when I asked Jesus Christ to lead my life.

I can add to my name H.G., J.H.C since Romans
8:17 tells me that I am heir of God,
and a joint heir with Christ!
I read in Philippians 2:15 that I now have a B.H.

That's right, I'm blameless and harmless.
In Psalm 139:14,
my F.W. degree is installed;
it says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

For now,
these initials remind me that I am of value.
I would still like to get a college degree,
but I don't need one to prove my worth.

[Done_With_It]

July 30th

Recovery from eating disorders has equipped me with much information. I attended twelve-step support groups for many months, and there I learned a lot about why people abuse food. In treatment I underwent extensive education that helped me to break free from anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive overeating.

All this new information has helped me understand myself better;
I know why I chose to have an eating disorder.
The knowledge I gained also helped me see the problems in my family or origin so that I can avoid recreating the same wounds in my children.

One drawback to all this learning is the insight it has given me into other people's problems. I call it a drawback because it makes me uncomfortable to see things so clearly! I feel like superman with his X-ray vision! I try to keep in mind that God is the only one who knows the motives of the heart.

[Done_With_It]

July 31st

One of my greatest fears is that my children will
turn out like me!

I dread the thought of passing on my dysfuntion to another generation. My little ones have been through a lot as I struggled with an eating disorder and depression. They have seen more pain than I would liked for them to see.

I want to give my children the gift of a whole mother. Since I entered treatment for my eating disorder one year ago, I have been walking the path of recovery.
I cannot change the ugliness of the past, but I can do my part to insure that things witll be different now.

I am grateful that God my Father has been with my kids throughout this process. I trust him to care for my little ones and to protect their hearts. I also look to him for guidance so I can teach them a better way of life.

I do not want my children to grow up obsessed with food and their boddies and focused on their performance, I am changing, and I hope that the changes in me will rub off on my kids.

[Done_With_It]

August 1st

Just this day,
Dear Lord, I pray----
Comfort
For an aching heart,
Strength
For a family's new start.
A touch,
Loving and kind,
A little bit of joy
In each day we find.
And you, Lord, by our side,
So from our pain
we no longer hide.

[Done_With_It]

August 2nd

My eating disorder seems to be fueled by a fear of people. That includes an overwhelming fear of making mistakes or being noticed by others. This obsession drives me further and further into isolation. I long to be invisible and to fade into nothingness.

My entire life is ordered around avoiding people. When the fear takes over I rarely leave my house, living much like a prisoner!

Intellectually I understand that my irrational fears stem from my lack of ability to trust God. My unwillingness to surrender to him is evidence of my weak faith. Since I do not trust God to keep me safe, I believe that I must protect myself by hiding away.

Moving out of this fear takes courage. I have been able to step out in faith by surrounding myself with supportive people. I have done this gradually by taking one little step at a time.

[Done_With_It]

August 3rd

For years I have told myself the same things over and over again until I think they must be true. I have convinced myself that I am not of value because external things are not up to par.

My clothes don't come from the right stores, my body is not the right shape, and I don't weight the perfect amount. My house is not in the right neighborhood, my friends drive better cars, and my children do not always behave perfectly in public.

I have based my worth entirely on things that are out of my control! There will always be someone with a better figure, a more expensive home, or a newer car, and there's not one thing I can do to change that.

A large part of my recovery involves learning to challenge things that I used to accept as truth. How can I believe that I am of value?

Here God tells me that I am an excellent one and that he delights in me. That truth packs punch! God sees me as worthwhile no matter what shape I'm in. He is not impressed by the car I drive or what lables are in my clothes! I am perfectly acceptable to him!

[Done_With_It]

August 4th

It's never enough!
I always want more.
I have enjoyed nine months of abstinence from
disordered eating, and still I'm not content.
Some areas of my life still need major change,
so I do not allow myself to appreciate the
things in my life that are good.

I want it all; I want to be free of the eating disorder
that ruled my life for thirteen years, and I want to be
totally happy. In my mind, happiness is the freedom from pain,
so what are the chances of feeling happy?
Slim to none-life is full of pain.

In my attempt to be perfect, I have set things up so that
I will never be content. I choose not to give myself credit
for little accomplishements, because I fear that I will stop moving forward if I am satisfied with where I am.

Why is it easier to dwell on the negative, rather than bask in
the positive? I want to learn to be content.
Today I will concentrate on being grateful for the progress
I have made instead of beating myself up about the areas of my life that still need work.

[Done_With_It]

August 5th

As a young college student, my future seems uncertain!
It is easy to get caught up in worrying about what
direction my life was taking.
There are so many different options that is hard to know
which one to pursue!

When I get overwhelmed by the future I sometimes try to gain some control by restricting my food intake.
I feel a sense of power when I am able to control what I eat.
It is a false sense of power, and I know that abusing my body will not make the future seem any brighter.

I am learning to take time out to sift through my thoughts and feelings before resorting to starving myself.
Recognizing what the problems are minimizes my need for control.

I find hope in the fact that God knows what the future holds. He knows that I am truly seeking to follow him into the future. My relationship with his Son Jesus is the source of strength and hope for me.

I try to remember that God is with me as I make decisions regarding my future. I can turn to him for strength.

[Done_With_It]

AUGUST 6TH

My friend is hurting! The problems she is dealing with are going to be around a long time. The hurts that have been inflicted on her will last a lifetime.

Since I'm her friend, I want to help. I want to make her smile and take her pain away. I wish that I could endure her pain for her;
it hurts me so much to watch helplessly from the sidelines.

There are little things I can do, like sending a card to let her know that she is in my thoughts and prayers. I can say,
"I'm sorry you're hurting;
let me know if I can help."
I can love her and accept her through
his time of pain.

This brings to mind another friend I have. Jesus
loves me! It hurts him to see me hurting. As my friend, he does things so I know that he is there for me in my time of pain. He uses my friends to comfort me and give me hope when I have lost mine. He gives me a beautiful sunset, and I am reminded that I have the best friend of all.

[Done_With_It]

August 7th

Therapy is hard, painful work! I have learned things
about my past that I wish I Did Not Know!
It seems like I was better off without all
these awful memories!

While I was in treatment for anorexia I dealt with several
devasting events from my past. My heart broke as I experienced emotions that I had never allowed myself to feel. Many times I wondered if I would survive the pain.

God used this verse to comfort me in the midst of my fear and pain. Looking at myself in a realistic way was the hardest work I have ever done, but the Lord was with me through it all, holding me in his arms.

Facing the pain of my past was a crushing blow. I did not want to accept the things I learned, but I am thankful that God brought me through that difficult time.

God will be close to you, no matter what is breaking in
your heart! If your spirit has been crushed, call out to him and ask for his help.

[Done_With_It]

August 8th

At times the circumstances in my life seem insurmountable. I have reached the point where I wanted to give up entirely. Still, deep down inside my heart there is a glimmer of hope.

That little flicker is barely distinguishable, but it gives me the strength to call out to God for help. He has promised to be there in my time of trouble.
God has been there time and time again when I needed him. He has made my smoldering wick of hope grow into a beautiful, warm flame.

My circumstances may not change, but I can cling to the comforting knowledge that God will sustain me. He will protect my tender heart and help me to grow stronger each day.

[Done_With_It]

August 9th

My mind is spinning and my heart is aching.
Everything seems overwhelming right now and I'm all worked up.
My mind plays tricks;
I've conjoured up a big disaster from the simplest situation.
I need Peace!

When I am in this mode, I don't take time out for God.
I don't even have time for God; I'm much too busy
obsessing about impending catastrophes to ask him for help. My thinking gets so distorted that it is hard to think rationally. Even when I get the facts. I have trouble believeing them.

What a waste of time and energy! All I manage to do is set myelf up for a major fall. My obsessing controls me, and I want to control life. I get more and more anxious as I see that situations are beyong my control.

This verse says to be anxious for nothing; I am to go to God with my requests and he will give me peace.
What a different approach to life! I want to learn this new way of dealing with my anxiety.

[Done_With_It]

August 10th

All my life I felt so empty, alone and unloved.
For many years I tried to fill the emptiness with drugs, alcohol, and unhealthy relationships. My life ws miserable until I cried out to God for help. He heard my cry and directed me to Remuda Ranch where my recovery began.

After I made the choice to live, I had to admit I was powerless and coud not recover on my own. I found a real sense of strength in admitting that my eating disorder was controlling my life;
I no longer had to pretend I had my life "Together".

Recovery has been hard and painful;
it is a challenge to find out who I really am!
But the good work that God began in me is continuing. He has blessed with people who love me, support me and really understand.


I am finding that it akes time to break down all the walls of defense that
I put up over the years.
Accepting God's love makes me feel I'm worth making the effort to change.