What is it I can't accept???

[law47]

Hello everyone who cares to listen to my whining,
I had been feeling pretty good of late, back on track with a food plan, I post it everyday on here and it feels good to have that food fog lifted and not be so miserable. Although, how quickly I forget how it was. I have been slowly getting back into my habits again,the last couple days I've been picking on triscuits and corn chips ect.... I usually don't like to keep snacks around but I thought I would be okay with the triscuits with my meals. I had the tortilla chips for a meal also. I just feel so out of control ( I'm not supposed to be in control) I don't think I have fully surrendered to this obsession. It scares me. I think I'm okay when I pick up a few crackers here and there and I can stop. Then I feel myself become very compulsive. Shoving the food in my mouth. I haven't binged yet, but its bound to happen it I keep this up. I spoke with my AA sponsor at one of my low points and told her I just don't feel sober when I'm into the food like this. I feel like a dry drunk, or I should say a food drunk or junkie. She told me there is something in my life that I am not accepting, and that made me really think. There are a few things in my life that I am not willing to accept. I went to an AA meeting last night and the topic was acceptance. I just sat and listened. I think I need some counselling on the side. I will have to pray more about this.
On a positive note, I am not going to give up the fight! I will continue to commit my food everyday and I will not beat myself up for the slip. Its all about growth. I'm learning this time around how to get more in touch with my feelings and to work through the problem, not live in it.
If anyone has any good feed back for me I would certainly appreciate it.
Have a good day,
Lori

[Paulie]

I don't think I have fully surrendered to this obsession

That is huge right there. And that is what happened to me. I did not understand it was an obession/addiction for a long time. Understanding and realizing that is a huge step in the right direction.

Its all about growth. I'm learning this time around how to get more in touch with my feelings and to work through the problem, not live in it.

Well I think that is exactly what you are doing by coming here and being honest like this.

I am proud of you, and please know that today you helped me to with my struggles.

[bikewench]

Its all about growth.

Yes it is Law...

And about not falling under the undoable expectation of perfection.

There are probably 10 behaviors in my day that.. if I faithfully do them.. they keep me on the right path...
and .. there are 10 behaviors that .. if I do.. they will flip the switch and I'll be on the wrong track.
that's how simple it is.

If I do this... this will happen.
For me.. it's a given. I don't try to fudge it anymore.
If I eat sugar... I'm gonna have a fight with me on my hands.

If I eat too much carb.. I am going to ignite my cravings...

Some foods and behaviors will take me out.
This are my basic truths...

And it was only by hurting over them over and over that it finally drove the message home.

This isn't an overnight thing.

It's one day at a time... the best we can.