In Denial

[ChildlikeFaith]

Hi all,
This is my first time on this board. I've been hanging out on the Friends and Family Board since my husband is an alcoholic as well as my father.

I've been battling anorexia for quite a few years. I'll go for a long time, doing just great. I'll eat regularly, and though I still see fat when I look at myself, the urge to quit eating doesn't show up. Then, with very little warning, I'll realize that I haven't eaten in three days, and it feels pretty good. I feel in control of things. My clothes feel a little loose on me, and people start telling me how great I look. This is the beginning of my "relapse".

Until a few weeks ago, I had been doing very well. I hadn't had a relapse in six years. I've been dealing with a lot of stress with my Alcoholic husband. He got two DUII's and was blaming me for one of them. My life began spinning out of control when we separated in mid July. Well, that was all it took. I felt out of control so, as usual, when I'm out of control, I begin to control my food intake.

This morning, I got on the scale. The number that popped up was the lowest number I've seen since highschool, and I'm 34 years old. I got a bit scared, but I can't seem to force myself to eat. Nothing sounds good. I think about the need to eat then, instead, grab a diet pepsi. My husband and I are doing pretty good right now, but it doesn't seem to matter. He keeps getting angry for me and keeps asking if I feel like he thinks I'm fat. He wants to know why I do it, but I don't have an answer.

I need to stop this, but I really don't know how at the moment.

Thanks for listening. I'm really hoping that support from those who understand what I'm going through will help me on the path to recovery.

Melissa

[WorkingOnMe]

Melissa,

I just wanted to say hang in there! I also wanted to say that I can relate to what you posted. I have dealt with anorexia and bulimia for 11 years now. I also am married and facing the facts that I am an alcoholic. I think it is so incredibly hard for us to deal with our eating disorders in a relationship setting. I think it is very hard for spouses to understand what we do to ourselves and thus it is hard for us to share with them how we feel, etc. Like you, I am in what I guess is recovery but that lasts for some time and then I "slip" or go back into that disordered way of life. My husband does not understand.

I will say one thing, you are under incredible stress from what it sounds like. I am not surprised that you have had problems with your ed. Let's face it we did not get this way because of our excellent coping skills-it's quite the opposite!

One last thing, do you have a therapist? Real time support is so important not just for the ed but for all of the issues with you and your husband right now. Anyway, once again, hang in there-you are not alone

Kelli

[ChildlikeFaith]

Kelli, thank you for your response. I don't have a therapist yet, but I have finally made my first appointment with my regular doctor so a therapist isn't far behind. My insurance requires a referral from my regular doctor in order to go anywhere else. I'm so scared about my appointment. I am having such a hard time dealing with the fact that there is a problem that I don't know exactly how to tell someone outside my circle of trust. I've told a couple of people about my appointment so I won't be tempted to back out. I know my husband will make me go and that is what I need.