Triggers

[1dayatatime]

I finally sat down and wrote down my triggers that cause me to want to go and raid the fridge. WELP that list got to be one answer "Anything and Everything"

Feel good=eat
Feel sad=eat

But I have found that if i just say no, and not walk in the kitchen when i get urges I am able to not grab that cookie on the counter that has been calling my name. I tried to not bring ANYTHING that causes me to break, things like cookies, potato chips, donuts, but I found it unfair to my kids who like an occasional snack besides fruit or veggies.

But I couldn't do this all in one day. I had to not buy anything from the "binge isle" I call it in the store. But then I also found out, when I felt an urge to binge, it didn't have to be things loaded with carbs or sugar. It was anything at all in the house and I wanted to fill up the empty voids of what i was feeling that day, no matter the name on the label, if it was eatable it was doable for a binge.

But I had to sit down and write some things out. Why I binge eat, or what causes me to want to go and binge. That was an easy answer because I finally found it didn't matter my mood, I just love to eat. I find comfort and had it in my mind as a reward for anything I wanted to make it for. I had a bad day, so i will eat, I had a good day, so I will treat myself and eat. Of course there were some days when feeling sad were my most vulnerable.

I am almost a year purge free and never ever want to go back to that. I still have occasional slips and binge, but these days i am able to walk away before i go completely overboard. I find when i am in the middle of a binge, i stop, go and start exersising. Some times are harder to resist than others, but I know now that when i do slip, I don't have to give up all the progress i have made. I also DO NOT go near the bathroom if I do binge, small or big. Because if i purge for any reason, I know this could turn into a complete binge, purge freaky day.

I am writing here today as i have been REALLLLLY having a tuff time staying away from the "binge isle" but have been successful so far. I was just sittin here thinking that I am having some difficult life problems to deal with and wanting to go back to my safe secure old me, eating anything and everything to feel good. But we all know that AFTER we eat all that garbage we don't feel the least bit better, we then have to go thru the shame and WTF did i just do. I am reminding myself of just that, so another day making it thru without all the calories.

They say in recovery, you have to change your playground and old habits. But the playground is hard to get away from when it is what everyone does, EAT.

Just getting my thoughts out so i don't have to keep them on my mind. Letting these food for thoughts go, might keep me from doing whats been building up.

I think for today I will take it "one hour at a time" These feelings will pass and I can do this.

Thanks for listening and letting me get this off my mind.
Barbie

[Paulie]

Thank you for sharing Barbie...we all really are so much alike.

Yeah, my kids are step kids and are not with us all the time...but things have changed when they are here. I don't buy the crap I used to for them. I let them buy 1 kind of chips or something like that, and then we buy fruit and good stuff. I don't make them rice/potates with dinner. They eat veggies/salad with the meat like we do. I figure I am only helping them to be healthy too.

My sd is 15, hard to get a 15 year old to hang out with you so twice this week we have made cookies, that has been hard, but I hide them from my H and I up in the cupboard and I made whole wheat ones for us.

It is about balance.

I am so proud of the progress you have made with your purging...be proud of yourself.

[1dayatatime]

Thanks paulie and i am proud of myself. I have come too far to go back to the old me. And yes it is hard when there are kids around and having things that would seem like no big deal to some can and could become a hazard with a food addict. I remember a time when one little cookie turned into a complete "screw it, I messed up, miles well finish the whole bag" day and then onto finishing everything there was in sight and if nothing was appealing off to the binge isle I went.

I always have fesh fruit or a veggie tray to grab a snack around these days. And of course my cooking habits have changed in alot of ways. I haven't went on any diets of fat free, or low carb this, or less calories that, as much as i try to just balance my meals with healthier choices and watch my portions. I don't eat near as much at one sitting and I don't seem to crave carbs as when i used to carb binge before just by eating healthier.

Thanks for listening I needed an ear to listen to me ramble.

[Pony]

Barbie, thanks for sharing that with us. I was reading it and kept thinking....wow, I feel that way...and that makes sense. I to try very hard to divert my attention elsewhere when feel those urges coming on. I have been trying to make it a more consistant effort to get it down in writing......to nail down why it is I am going for that comfort zone.....why do I feel I need it. Most times it works, I still have lots of moments that I have caught myself in the act of bingeing before realizing what I am doing, but then stop and keep myself aware of my actions the rest of the day or evening. Night time is my worse time. Too near the food!

[Nina Kay]

I finally sat down and wrote down my triggers that cause me to want to go and raid the fridge. WELP that list got to be one answer "Anything and Everything"

Well Barbie, This is exactly the same for me. That is why I say that I'm a food addict & compulsive overeater. I also want to say Congratulations on being purge free for a year. That is wonderful.

Paulie, I really agree with you that it's all about balance. Now if I can just practice what I know.

Pony, Night time is my worst time too, but it's because, I'm tired & the day is over & it's time to unwind & relax. To me that is equivalent to letting down my guard & throwing all restrictions to the wind. I know that it's going to make me more uptight when I wake up the next morning, but I just seem to want to throw "care" to the wind also.

[Ashes]

I guess I never before realized how related all our addictions were. I mean, I DID, but not really, because I always went from one to another. Where you would say "food" I would used to say alcohol or marijuana. Now I feel like I'm the opposite, getting high off of feeling "empty" from not eating. It really isn't any different at all.

But then, I also know the feeling of being addicted to food. I went on my first diet when I was eight years old and I've been up and down ever since. I'm currently trying to keep myself sober, but I get sort of manic... anxiety I suppose, even though I take meds for it. Sometimes it feels like I need to run or cry. Sometimes both.

Congrats on how well you've been doing, Barbie. You really seem to have things in perspective, and you seem like a really strong woman. It must really be tough with a family and all. I only have three crazy animals, and they don't like what I eat anyway.

~ashes