Not sure where to start

[LavenderBlue]

Hi..
I just found this forum last night so I hope you don't mind if I jump right in. I could really use some people to talk to regarding my issues with food. I'm currently having problems with binge eating, but that is usually followed by some restricting. I do have bulimic tendicies also, but that seems okay right now. I can't stand what this is doing to me physically, I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I have such shame about these obsessions and only recently did I realize that its complelely overtaking my life. To give you some examples since I realize how vague I'm being... We recently moved from NJ to WA. On one of our last nights in Jersey we had a close friend come over to basically say good bye. Well, he brought a friend with him. My husband came upstairs to tell me that they were here and I couldn't go downstairs. I didn't want him to see me. I felt huge and I was sure he would make fun of me or something... which would never really happen. But I couldn't get out of bed. He came upstairs and asked me what was going on and I basically said "go away" that was the last I heard of him. Hes called my husband a few times and asked about me but hes never directly called me.
How do you stop behaviors that have been there all your life? As demented as this sounds, it was my mother who taught me to throw up. She used to say if I ate too much or whatever and I would complain to her about a stomach ache she would just tell me to make myself throw up and I'd feel better. I remember being like 10 years old and binging and purging at all-you-can-eat places.
Anyway, I know I need help and I don't know what to do but I'm hoping I can at least reach some common ground with some other people here.
thank you,
Jen

[Pony]

Welcome Jen. I am so glad you are here. The first step to getting on a healthy track is admitting that you have a problem and then reaching out for help. So Congratulation to you for already moved forward on your way.

Food issues are very difficult and challanging because we are surrounded by what society has deemed healthy or acceptable by TV ads and magazines photos of models and also what we have learned through out growing up years from our family. So really all we have learned is that nothing less than perfect is acceptable.

Nothing is perfect, and no one person is that same as the next. That's what makes us individuals and uniquely interesting! But we have to learn to accept ourselves....know that we are OK just the way we are as people. It's not easy to undo years of negativity, but it can be done. That the good news!!!

For me, I had to take the focus off what I thought I should look like and what I expect myself to look like when I lose all my weight and focus on getting healthy. Feeling healthy and looking healthy is my main goal. Being able to have the energy to keep up with my 8 yr. old daughter and my two 2 yr. old granddaughters is important to me and gives me my motivation. Coming here and sharing with others helps in my struggle to succeed. There is great support here from others that are facing the same issues, or even other issues, but one common goal.....to be happy and healthy in their lives.

Just my opinion but, you might want to check in with your doctor and seek out some professional help dealing with the emotional and physical issues that you have fears of. Eating is just a symptom to more serious issues that need to be addressed and worked through.

Hope this has helped....come back and share with us.