Need Advice for Sponsee - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Michele2162001 · 01-08-2005, 09:35 AM

Hi there,

Greetings to all. I am not in OA myself but AA. I have a sponsee who is an alcoholic/addict and also bulemic (I'm sure I didn't spell that right). She is making great progress with her stepwork on substance abuse but her eating disorder continues to progress. She attends OA meetings and lives in a recovery house with two other women who also have eating disorders. My sponsor is also both in AA and OA so I encourage my sponsee to also call her for advice as well. I believe I'm suggesting as much as I can but I still feel inadequate.

We've discussed her getting an OA sponsor but she's afraid of overwhelming herself by working steps in two programs at the same time. I've never dealt with this sort of thing and I am looking for suggestions. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks, Michele

**Pony** · 01-08-2005, 05:06 PM

Well, to be honest, I just not quite sure myself. She needs to be ready to work on those issues herself....I don't mean by herself...I mean for herself. If she's not ready it may not work...all your suggestions might push her away. On the other hand that is a serious issue and really can't go ignored. What a tough spot to be in. If she could just apply the step work she does with you....or even your sponsor...to her food issues as she does with AA. That's pretty much the way most have worked it. There are many people here dealing with dual addictions. But even if she could maybe just attend a few of the OA meetings....and see how she feels with it. It's worth a try for her.

The only other suggestion would be for her to seek out professional counceling for her food disorder.

I know for me, all I did was substitute one addiction for another for years until I realized what I was doing and began to tackle both at the same time.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

eddie z. · 01-08-2005, 05:27 PM

Hey again, Michele! It's Eddie from up the road in Winston-Salem. High Point has good OA meetings fortunately. I haven't been lately but I liked the ones I went to there. Probably a good idea for your sponsee would be to find just a "food sponsor" in OA and continue to work the Steps with you. I go to NA here in W-S primarily, but I have an OA sponsor that I need to start using. I'm also going to start seeing a nutritionist and I think that's also a good idea for your sponsee. I have struggled ALOT lately with this issue of balancing two 12-Step programs and would love someone else to talk to about it. If she wants to e-mail me, it's smithliz9@yahoo.com. I wish you both the best in recovery!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

octoberbabye · 01-09-2005, 10:00 AM

Hi Eddie,
I'm like your sponsee-sober in AA and bulimic. In 99 I had to finally come to surrender about the food issues, bulimia and stop systematically killing myself.
It probably won't do much good to tell the sponsee of the risk of heart failure, and the other lasting damage to her body, yet maybe asking her to make a list of all the consequences would be helpful. She has to get to the point of being willing to take the first step with this as she did with sobriety. At least that was how it had to be for me.
Unfortunately, I don't find the OA meetings in my area to be filled with recovery. And when I did attend I found an 'attitude' toward bulimia, and whether this was real or not, it affected the feelings and thoughts I had while attending the meetings. As for professional help there was none in my immediate area that did not cost $60/hr for group, $100/hr private, and no facilities. I turned to my AA friends and God to get me through, starting working the steps to save my life.
Right now I am sponsoring a woman who also is a compulsive eater. We are working the steps of AA with a focus on step two and three- the relationship with the Higher Power. I am a firm believer that the more we grow in this area, the better and healthier our lives become.

If you think I can help you sort things out further, please email me.
I'd appreciate it if you would post more, let us know how it's going. I can use all the help available.

eddie z. · 01-09-2005, 11:04 AM

octoberbabye,
Hey! Did you see my thread congratulating you on your...was it eighteen...years? Michele's the one with the sponsee in question. But I appreciate what you shared. Thank you!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

octoberbabye · 01-09-2005, 12:15 PM

That would be me.

And I added a comment to your post about getting together with the nutritionist.
I think that there are more community resources now- it was in 99 when I started seriously looking for help. Thank goodness that has changed. I think a lot of that is the exposure on Oprah and other shows of the type.

The sponsee might not be ready to do more than announce that she knows she needs help. The woman I am working with has a list of her addictions and is quick to point out which one is at work for which behavior.

The only way I know to get sober and more healthy in mind, body and spirit is through the steps. Working the steps showed me a spiritual way of life and that they apply to all areas of my life.
Glad to meet you, will watch for more posts.

Michele2162001 · 01-11-2005, 10:51 PM

Thanks all for your thoughts. I really appreciate it. Eddie - you are just everywhere! I'm glad to hear about the meetings in High Point, I'll try to drag her to some if they are open meetings. If not I'll just keep suggesting it. I know Pony mentioned driving her away but I think this is one of those things where I'd rather keep suggesting than watch her kill herself. Good news is she got a new counselor. Her old one was very soft on her recovery with both drugs and food. Soft in the sense that he was hands off and just listened The lady she's seeing now is giving her assignments! Yeah! I agree about applying the steps across the board. They are the same no matter where you go. I continue to discuss it with my sponsor and I think we're making progress. When I talked to my sponsee yesterday she told me it had been one week without binging! And she was on her way to an OA meeting that night. I'll keep you gals posted. And I'm still taking any suggestions. THANKS!

eddie z. · 01-12-2005, 05:50 AM

You know you're welcome, Michele!
Did your sponsee go to Winston-Salem OA last night? They were supposedly having a really good speaker. I couldn't make it because of class, but my OA sponsor called me to tell me about it.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

P.S. Congratulations to your sponsee on her week!!

Jillc · 01-12-2005, 08:23 PM

Food addicts anonymous is another good place to look... they have a food plan which really helps stop my cravings...which stopped my bulimia......... if i stay away from sugar, flour and wheat, I am purge free....... they have online meetings which help if there are no meeings near her........

eddie z. · 01-12-2005, 08:41 PM

Thanks for the idea, Happy! Unfortunately, I don't think there are any FAA meetings in our Triad area, whereas there definitely are OA meetings around here. Hmmmm....maybe I should look into this for myself since I can't make the OA meetings. I'll be back...
Love and hugs,
Eddie

eddie z. · 01-12-2005, 08:46 PM

Nope. Didn't find any. Sorry!
-EZ

Jillc · 01-13-2005, 05:51 AM

Eddie, they do have phone meetings and online meetings and a yahoo group.....maybe it wont be as overwleming for your sponsee? its nice that you care!

eddie z. · 01-13-2005, 07:11 AM

Thanks again...is it Jill? I was looking for myself and Michele's sponsee actually, but the info's great regardless!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

Jillc · 01-13-2005, 07:43 AM

oh, thats right! sorry!!

eddie z. · 01-13-2005, 08:41 AM

No problem!
-ez

01-08-2005, 09:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
Michele2162001 Michele2162001 Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: High Point NC Posts: 8	Need Advice for Sponsee Hi there, Greetings to all. I am not in OA myself but AA. I have a sponsee who is an alcoholic/addict and also bulemic (I'm sure I didn't spell that right). She is making great progress with her stepwork on substance abuse but her eating disorder continues to progress. She attends OA meetings and lives in a recovery house with two other women who also have eating disorders. My sponsor is also both in AA and OA so I encourage my sponsee to also call her for advice as well. I believe I'm suggesting as much as I can but I still feel inadequate. We've discussed her getting an OA sponsor but she's afraid of overwhelming herself by working steps in two programs at the same time. I've never dealt with this sort of thing and I am looking for suggestions. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks, Michele

01-08-2005, 05:06 PM	#2 (permalink)
Pony Forum Leader Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: trail of discovery Posts: 2,480	Well, to be honest, I just not quite sure myself. She needs to be ready to work on those issues herself....I don't mean by herself...I mean for herself. If she's not ready it may not work...all your suggestions might push her away. On the other hand that is a serious issue and really can't go ignored. What a tough spot to be in. If she could just apply the step work she does with you....or even your sponsor...to her food issues as she does with AA. That's pretty much the way most have worked it. There are many people here dealing with dual addictions. But even if she could maybe just attend a few of the OA meetings....and see how she feels with it. It's worth a try for her. The only other suggestion would be for her to seek out professional counceling for her food disorder. I know for me, all I did was substitute one addiction for another for years until I realized what I was doing and began to tackle both at the same time. Good luck and let us know how it goes. __________________ "Failure is an EVENT, it is not a person â€“ yesterday really did end last night, and today is your brand new day..." .........unknown The sun always rises, and a new day begins.

01-08-2005, 05:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
eddie z. No expectations! Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,916	Hey again, Michele! It's Eddie from up the road in Winston-Salem. High Point has good OA meetings fortunately. I haven't been lately but I liked the ones I went to there. Probably a good idea for your sponsee would be to find just a "food sponsor" in OA and continue to work the Steps with you. I go to NA here in W-S primarily, but I have an OA sponsor that I need to start using. I'm also going to start seeing a nutritionist and I think that's also a good idea for your sponsee. I have struggled ALOT lately with this issue of balancing two 12-Step programs and would love someone else to talk to about it. If she wants to e-mail me, it's smithliz9@yahoo.com. I wish you both the best in recovery! Love and hugs, Eddie __________________

01-09-2005, 11:04 AM	#5 (permalink)
eddie z. No expectations! Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,916	octoberbabye, Hey! Did you see my thread congratulating you on your...was it eighteen...years? Michele's the one with the sponsee in question. But I appreciate what you shared. Thank you! Love and hugs, Eddie __________________

01-12-2005, 05:50 AM	#8 (permalink)
eddie z. No expectations! Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,916	You know you're welcome, Michele! Did your sponsee go to Winston-Salem OA last night? They were supposedly having a really good speaker. I couldn't make it because of class, but my OA sponsor called me to tell me about it. Love and hugs, Eddie P.S. Congratulations to your sponsee on her week!! __________________

01-09-2005, 10:00 AM	#4 (permalink)
octoberbabye Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Bradenton, Florida Posts: 38	Hi Eddie, I'm like your sponsee-sober in AA and bulimic. In 99 I had to finally come to surrender about the food issues, bulimia and stop systematically killing myself. It probably won't do much good to tell the sponsee of the risk of heart failure, and the other lasting damage to her body, yet maybe asking her to make a list of all the consequences would be helpful. She has to get to the point of being willing to take the first step with this as she did with sobriety. At least that was how it had to be for me. Unfortunately, I don't find the OA meetings in my area to be filled with recovery. And when I did attend I found an 'attitude' toward bulimia, and whether this was real or not, it affected the feelings and thoughts I had while attending the meetings. As for professional help there was none in my immediate area that did not cost $60/hr for group, $100/hr private, and no facilities. I turned to my AA friends and God to get me through, starting working the steps to save my life. Right now I am sponsoring a woman who also is a compulsive eater. We are working the steps of AA with a focus on step two and three- the relationship with the Higher Power. I am a firm believer that the more we grow in this area, the better and healthier our lives become. If you think I can help you sort things out further, please email me. I'd appreciate it if you would post more, let us know how it's going. I can use all the help available.

01-09-2005, 12:15 PM	#6 (permalink)
octoberbabye Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Bradenton, Florida Posts: 38	That would be me. And I added a comment to your post about getting together with the nutritionist. I think that there are more community resources now- it was in 99 when I started seriously looking for help. Thank goodness that has changed. I think a lot of that is the exposure on Oprah and other shows of the type. The sponsee might not be ready to do more than announce that she knows she needs help. The woman I am working with has a list of her addictions and is quick to point out which one is at work for which behavior. The only way I know to get sober and more healthy in mind, body and spirit is through the steps. Working the steps showed me a spiritual way of life and that they apply to all areas of my life. Glad to meet you, will watch for more posts.

01-11-2005, 10:51 PM	#7 (permalink)
Michele2162001 Michele2162001 Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: High Point NC Posts: 8	Thanks all for your thoughts. I really appreciate it. Eddie - you are just everywhere! I'm glad to hear about the meetings in High Point, I'll try to drag her to some if they are open meetings. If not I'll just keep suggesting it. I know Pony mentioned driving her away but I think this is one of those things where I'd rather keep suggesting than watch her kill herself. Good news is she got a new counselor. Her old one was very soft on her recovery with both drugs and food. Soft in the sense that he was hands off and just listened The lady she's seeing now is giving her assignments! Yeah! I agree about applying the steps across the board. They are the same no matter where you go. I continue to discuss it with my sponsor and I think we're making progress. When I talked to my sponsee yesterday she told me it had been one week without binging! And she was on her way to an OA meeting that night. I'll keep you gals posted. And I'm still taking any suggestions. THANKS!

01-12-2005, 08:23 PM	#9 (permalink)
Jillc Newbie Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Rochester, New York Posts: 24	Food addicts anonymous is another good place to look... they have a food plan which really helps stop my cravings...which stopped my bulimia......... if i stay away from sugar, flour and wheat, I am purge free....... they have online meetings which help if there are no meeings near her........ __________________

01-12-2005, 08:41 PM	#10 (permalink)
eddie z. No expectations! Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,916	Thanks for the idea, Happy! Unfortunately, I don't think there are any FAA meetings in our Triad area, whereas there definitely are OA meetings around here. Hmmmm....maybe I should look into this for myself since I can't make the OA meetings. I'll be back... Love and hugs, Eddie __________________

01-12-2005, 08:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
eddie z. No expectations! Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,916	Nope. Didn't find any. Sorry! -EZ __________________

01-13-2005, 05:51 AM	#12 (permalink)
Jillc Newbie Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Rochester, New York Posts: 24	Eddie, they do have phone meetings and online meetings and a yahoo group.....maybe it wont be as overwleming for your sponsee? its nice that you care! __________________

01-13-2005, 07:11 AM	#13 (permalink)
eddie z. No expectations! Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,916	Thanks again...is it Jill? I was looking for myself and Michele's sponsee actually, but the info's great regardless! Love and hugs, Eddie __________________

01-13-2005, 07:43 AM	#14 (permalink)
Jillc Newbie Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Rochester, New York Posts: 24	oh, thats right! sorry!! __________________

01-13-2005, 08:41 AM	#15 (permalink)
eddie z. No expectations! Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,916	No problem! -ez __________________

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