Finally faced the scales... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Wolfstarr · 12-09-2004, 06:19 PM

Hello everyone.

Well, I finally did it. After being in denial so long about my weight, and knowing I had gained, I took a good look at myself in the mirror, then after a 2 year absence from the scales, I hopped on. My eyes bugged outta my head.
230 lbs staring back at me. I have never even in my wildest dreams ever thought I would weigh that much. I am very down, depressed and disgusted with myself and my inability to control my eating.
I have tried to post on this forum three times before, but I cowardly did not submit...I wasn't ready for reality. Now it has hit me square in the face and my health is suffering.
High BP, cholesterol through the roof, arthritis in the joints, it's just too much for this body to bear. Ok, now I am going to say it: I AM FAT. I am miserable inside and out. I am isolating because I have nothing of any fashion to wear and don't want to be seen in public because I am so disgusted with myself. I don't want to get together with friends. I don't want to do anything because I am embarrassed of myself.
I think I need OA. I have tried every diet there is, and I am still fat.
I have struggled with weight most of my adult life and it keeps creeping up and up and up. Lifestyle change maybe is in order here? I think so. Now, all I have to do is accept that.
That's the hard part.
Any input, suggestions anything would be greatly appreciated...I need to know I can help myself... I am so so very low right now...
Thanks for listening....
a very depressed
Wolfstarr. :couchpota

pieczarka · 12-09-2004, 06:39 PM

Dear Wolfstarr, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I'm feeling exactly the same way. Hiding from people, not answering the phone, wearing the same sweat pants every day, and feeling completely disgusted with myself. I've gained 15 pounds in the last 2 months and I can't control it, can't stop it. I'll be fine for a day or two but then I just break down and start pigging out on anything I can find in the house. I feel so worthless. But still, there is hope and I want to believe I'll get better.
I think facing the facts and admitting to having a problem is the first big step. I just discovered today that writing about it seems to help a little.
I'm done with diets, I need to change my thinking my whole attitude. I'm always going to have a food problem and I need to learn how to deal with it from day to day.
Tomorrow is a new day and you should try to start it with your head up. You've taken the first step: faced the scale and yourself. Make a meal plan for the day and try to stick to it. that's what I did this morning and so far I haven't had anything that's not on my menu. ...but then it's only my first day...
Take care, good luck and talk to you soon.

Wolfstarr · 12-11-2004, 07:37 AM

Thank you so much pieczarka for your reply. I read it with tears in my eyes and realizing that I have a food addiction. My heart aches, but I am in acceptance of that now and wanting desperately to move forward instead of wallowing in self-pity and depression.
I have a warped self image and I see myself in my head as not really as large as I am in reality. I heard that was supposed to help but in my case, it doesn't help!
I see myself in the mirror and still deny the image I see, then I go get something to eat to bury myself in my addiction even further.
I have an addict in my life who is my daughter, and that is why I first came to SR.
I came for help in dealing with and being a co-dependent, enabling mother.
Through reading these posts I came across this forum and knew I needed help with MY addiction---food.
Thanks so much for caring ...it is so appreciated.
WolfSTARr

**Pony** · 12-11-2004, 07:59 AM

Wolfstarr, I am glad you found this place. I, too, came to SR looking for and finding info for my addict daughter and found a home here. I also stumbled into this forum looking for my own support in fighting this problem I have had with food since my younger years.

Although my image in the mirror is different then yours......my reality hits me harder when I look into the mirror. I always felt that I could deny it or go about my business like I was dong ok if I didn't see what I was truely starting/continuing to look like. ONly my health was telling me different. And then the mirror only confirmed the reality. So I covered it up for years. But then I cleared it away and started to just deal with it. Now I just take it one day at a time. I still have a distorted view of myself when looking in that mirror but I am not ignoring it. I mean....I try to listen to the positives around me and not ignor the progress I am making by losing....(my view is still seeing that very fat unattactive person) telling myself I am doing good. Does that make sense?

Wolfstarr · 12-11-2004, 08:15 AM

((((Pony)))))
It makes a great deal of sense to me!
I get lost in the "fat" and don't see anything but "fat"...meaning...the positives about me as a person, a soul, a living-breathing particle of this universe that has much to offer. I get lost in the topical extra flesh and let that control my being.

To give myself a pat on the back for losing a few would be hard...but that is what I have to work on...giving myself positive feedback when I see progress however little it may be, it is still a step in the right direction. Gee, I re read this and see I need a lot of help.
I am looking now for an OA meeting time in my area. Thanks so much for your reply, I have been so down over this for a few days now and your support means much to me.
I hope to one day have a firm conviction like you do , Pony!
One day at a Time...exactly.
Hugs,
Vivian

Zain · 12-14-2004, 03:49 PM

Hey, wolfstarr
I CAN RELATE TO EVERY THING YOU ARE FEELING...........AND DEALING WITH!!
I too get sooo lost in the "fat"
Life is too short to dwell about it, but for me that's all I seem to think about. I don't like myself this way, so WHY is it so difficult to change???

wastedtime4me · 12-16-2004, 05:00 PM

Well i couldnt just pass this post up~
I feel the same way and keep doing the same thing to myself..Day after day..Week after week~
I was 140 lbs last march when i lost my job~
I am now real close to 185lbs .I am 5ft 2 1/2 in tall~
I am constantly thinking abotu my weight..
I wont go to my old job because i am ashamed of someone seeing how much weight i have put on~my sis is still there..its a small diner~
I also know this is rediculous thinking and life is passing me by however i cant make myself stop~
My sister tells me it is because of the way we were brought up..Yet i cant turn the voices off~
When i feel stressed/sad/lonely its either smoke a joint or go eat~
Thanks for posting this..I can really relate to everything you said..
Yesterday and today i am in punishment mode for everything i ate the past few weeks~
I am so damn tired of this!!!!!!!!!

12-09-2004, 06:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
Wolfstarr Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Deeeep South Posts: 767	Finally faced the scales... Hello everyone. Well, I finally did it. After being in denial so long about my weight, and knowing I had gained, I took a good look at myself in the mirror, then after a 2 year absence from the scales, I hopped on. My eyes bugged outta my head. 230 lbs staring back at me. I have never even in my wildest dreams ever thought I would weigh that much. I am very down, depressed and disgusted with myself and my inability to control my eating. I have tried to post on this forum three times before, but I cowardly did not submit...I wasn't ready for reality. Now it has hit me square in the face and my health is suffering. High BP, cholesterol through the roof, arthritis in the joints, it's just too much for this body to bear. Ok, now I am going to say it: I AM FAT. I am miserable inside and out. I am isolating because I have nothing of any fashion to wear and don't want to be seen in public because I am so disgusted with myself. I don't want to get together with friends. I don't want to do anything because I am embarrassed of myself. I think I need OA. I have tried every diet there is, and I am still fat. I have struggled with weight most of my adult life and it keeps creeping up and up and up. Lifestyle change maybe is in order here? I think so. Now, all I have to do is accept that. That's the hard part. Any input, suggestions anything would be greatly appreciated...I need to know I can help myself... I am so so very low right now... Thanks for listening.... a very depressed Wolfstarr. :couchpota __________________

12-11-2004, 07:37 AM	#3 (permalink)
Wolfstarr Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Deeeep South Posts: 767	Thank you so much pieczarka for your reply. I read it with tears in my eyes and realizing that I have a food addiction. My heart aches, but I am in acceptance of that now and wanting desperately to move forward instead of wallowing in self-pity and depression. I have a warped self image and I see myself in my head as not really as large as I am in reality. I heard that was supposed to help but in my case, it doesn't help! I see myself in the mirror and still deny the image I see, then I go get something to eat to bury myself in my addiction even further. I have an addict in my life who is my daughter, and that is why I first came to SR. I came for help in dealing with and being a co-dependent, enabling mother. Through reading these posts I came across this forum and knew I needed help with MY addiction---food. Thanks so much for caring ...it is so appreciated. WolfSTARr __________________

12-11-2004, 07:59 AM	#4 (permalink)
Pony Forum Leader Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: trail of discovery Posts: 2,480	Wolfstarr, I am glad you found this place. I, too, came to SR looking for and finding info for my addict daughter and found a home here. I also stumbled into this forum looking for my own support in fighting this problem I have had with food since my younger years. Although my image in the mirror is different then yours......my reality hits me harder when I look into the mirror. I always felt that I could deny it or go about my business like I was dong ok if I didn't see what I was truely starting/continuing to look like. ONly my health was telling me different. And then the mirror only confirmed the reality. So I covered it up for years. But then I cleared it away and started to just deal with it. Now I just take it one day at a time. I still have a distorted view of myself when looking in that mirror but I am not ignoring it. I mean....I try to listen to the positives around me and not ignor the progress I am making by losing....(my view is still seeing that very fat unattactive person) telling myself I am doing good. Does that make sense? __________________ "Failure is an EVENT, it is not a person â€“ yesterday really did end last night, and today is your brand new day..." .........unknown The sun always rises, and a new day begins. Last edited by Pony; 12-11-2004 at 09:56 AM.

12-11-2004, 08:15 AM	#5 (permalink)
Wolfstarr Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Deeeep South Posts: 767	((((Pony))))) It makes a great deal of sense to me! I get lost in the "fat" and don't see anything but "fat"...meaning...the positives about me as a person, a soul, a living-breathing particle of this universe that has much to offer. I get lost in the topical extra flesh and let that control my being. To give myself a pat on the back for losing a few would be hard...but that is what I have to work on...giving myself positive feedback when I see progress however little it may be, it is still a step in the right direction. Gee, I re read this and see I need a lot of help. I am looking now for an OA meeting time in my area. Thanks so much for your reply, I have been so down over this for a few days now and your support means much to me. I hope to one day have a firm conviction like you do , Pony! One day at a Time...exactly. Hugs, Vivian __________________

12-14-2004, 03:49 PM	#6 (permalink)
Zain Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Fresno, Ca. Posts: 19	Hey, wolfstarr I CAN RELATE TO EVERY THING YOU ARE FEELING...........AND DEALING WITH!! I too get sooo lost in the "fat" Life is too short to dwell about it, but for me that's all I seem to think about. I don't like myself this way, so WHY is it so difficult to change??? __________________ Zain

12-09-2004, 06:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
pieczarka Maggie Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: California Posts: 6	Dear Wolfstarr, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I'm feeling exactly the same way. Hiding from people, not answering the phone, wearing the same sweat pants every day, and feeling completely disgusted with myself. I've gained 15 pounds in the last 2 months and I can't control it, can't stop it. I'll be fine for a day or two but then I just break down and start pigging out on anything I can find in the house. I feel so worthless. But still, there is hope and I want to believe I'll get better. I think facing the facts and admitting to having a problem is the first big step. I just discovered today that writing about it seems to help a little. I'm done with diets, I need to change my thinking my whole attitude. I'm always going to have a food problem and I need to learn how to deal with it from day to day. Tomorrow is a new day and you should try to start it with your head up. You've taken the first step: faced the scale and yourself. Make a meal plan for the day and try to stick to it. that's what I did this morning and so far I haven't had anything that's not on my menu. ...but then it's only my first day... Take care, good luck and talk to you soon.

12-16-2004, 05:00 PM	#7 (permalink)
wastedtime4me ~FEELS SO ALIVE~ Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: In A sTaTe Of HaPPiNeSS Posts: 637	Well i couldnt just pass this post up~ I feel the same way and keep doing the same thing to myself..Day after day..Week after week~ I was 140 lbs last march when i lost my job~ I am now real close to 185lbs .I am 5ft 2 1/2 in tall~ I am constantly thinking abotu my weight.. I wont go to my old job because i am ashamed of someone seeing how much weight i have put on~my sis is still there..its a small diner~ I also know this is rediculous thinking and life is passing me by however i cant make myself stop~ My sister tells me it is because of the way we were brought up..Yet i cant turn the voices off~ When i feel stressed/sad/lonely its either smoke a joint or go eat~ Thanks for posting this..I can really relate to everything you said.. Yesterday and today i am in punishment mode for everything i ate the past few weeks~ I am so damn tired of this!!!!!!!!! __________________ ~WaStEdTiMe4Me~

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