Getting back with it...

[Pony]

Hey there,

I thought maybe it was time to come and share what's been happening with me lately. I've been here, reading and answering posts but I haven't been here emotionally lately. There's been alot of stuff going on in my life that has had me distracted and not really behaving myself.

I have had some personal issues going on at work that involved co-workers and hot haven of rumors spreading and general drama playing out which sent me spinning and feeling sorry for myself.

Well, what does a food addict do when they are full of self-pity.....eat! I did find myself searching high and low for whatever was easy to grab and nibble on. Thank goodness there wasn't much there like that. lol Sometimes I caught myself before it actually made it into the mouth, and other times I wasn't so lucky. But the good news is that I did recognize what I was doing and stopped it before it was too bad.

The other thing I found myself doing with all the pent up anger and energy that goes with it, was to excerise. I bought myself a new Lateral Thigh Slider and boy does it ever make you work. (my little one likes it too) Anyway, I would get on it and go till I was really tired.

It's taken me a while to come out of this spin I have been in and get back on track, but I am working on it. I did do some writing in my journal to get out alot of the feelings that I was feeling that I get to embarressed to share with others. I talked with trusted friends that listened gave me hugs and reassured me that I will be alright and that I am OK. Reminded me not to take on their issues, it's for them to claim.

You see I had been attempting to make a more personal connection with some of the other women at work. Well, I found out that the ones I choose are not to be trusted. Someone revealed private info. and it became everyone's entertainment for about two weeks. I don't know if it's truely over with yet...it may take a while to die out, but I am not giving it anymore of my time. Yesterday, I was ready to call it quits and just stay to myself and not associate with anyone there because I felt that there wasn't anyone I could trust. Then a friend (who talked with me for hours on the phone) pointed out that if I did, then I would be depriving myself of the friends that truely do care and them of myself. He reassured me that I have alot that I offer to others that they would miss. Well, the jury is still out on that one, but today was showing me some signs of what he said was true. I guess there are some lives that I have touched in a positive manner and maybe that would not be good if I were to just not be a friend anymore.

I did spend that last three days with my stomach all tied up in knots, but in really meditating on the phone conversation, today's event's, and all the support I receive from here at SR and my true friends at work.....I am in a much better frame of mind. Ready to get myself back to focusing on me and what I need to do to get me through and on a healthy track.

Getting back on and working my program will also help me to deal with some family issues that have come up recently also. So here I go again.....

Thanks for letting me share with you!

[Ann]

(((Pony)))

It took courage to share that, and I am proud of you!! Like you always say...it's never to late to start again. And starting again and doing what you are doing is inspiring Pony, to me and to anyone who feels like giving up when life let's us down.

Isn't it a shame that in life, we listen so much more closely to the criticism and so little to the compliments. You deserve the compliments, Pony, so take them with grace and know that you really are a terrific person who is loved by many, including me.

Hugs of Gratitude
Ann

[Pony]

Thanks Ann, you always here to help me get back up. Yes, it is a shame that we believe the critics over the praisers. I think for me what runs through my mind is....that they are just saying that to make me feel better...! I am learning to accept those good things that others say.....but I must admit I need alot of work in that area. I am a roller coaster with my self-esteem. And lately I think my hormones have been way out of wack as well. That has been happening off and on. That time of life I guess.

Anyway, today was pretty good....I wasn't at work. Spent it with my older daughter/g-daughter and my little one...and did some errands and then the little one and I went shopping ... lol.... again..

Tomorrow is another day for work so we see, but I don't intend on letting it own any space. I still have some feeling about these ladies and other things that are going on, but I am working on them to let them go!!

[Paulie]

Pony -

I am sending hugs of gratitude to you also. Your honesty and willingness to share and grow and change keeps me going sometimes.

thank you for being the wonderful person that you are.

[Pony]

Paulie,

I am grateful also ..... to YOU for being who you are and always having the patience to put up with me!! LOL

It is you that inspires to not give up. It is you that gives me hope that I can be who I am and act real and it will be OK. It is you and the rest of the ladies around here that give me hope for our gender in the friendship department. That I do have female friends even if they are cyber hugged!!!

Thank you for always being there and being tough when I need it. You are a wonderful lady !

[Paulie]

Thanks Pony..I needed that today!