failing miserably

[dotcom]

well, not "miserably" but pretty close. i spoke a little with my mom about my tendencies to not eat and to sometimes purge in hopes that i would start feeling better about things and have the thoughts go away. i have been under a lot of stress this past few days, and i went to those behaviors. not for a release of stress, its just how i react? its weird. but, now im stuffing my face and am feeling terribly guilty, but i know its okay to make a mistake and i think its better to overeat for a few days than to do the opposite. this has been hard for me because in other areas i am doing so well. so i think i cannot count those things as being good because i have these problems even though they only pop up during stress.

[Pony]

Longboarder, I am sorry you are having a tough time of it. I'll be sending some positive thoughts your way. Yes, we all make mistakes and we can always start again and again. Don't minimize the good things that you are accomplishing in your program. Just realize that you are working at multiple issues and take it one day at a time, breathe, and keep going! It's ok, you're ok.

[bikewench]

Longboarder...

I'm a bulimic. Have been since I was 14 ...

Using food stopped working for me a long time ago... but not the purging. I would experience a sense of calmness after I purged... so I began eating so that I could purge and feel better.

It was like I was trying to vomit up my shame.... and it actually worked for a few minutes.

and to sometimes purge in hopes that i would start feeling better about things and have the thoughts go away

The thoughts will never go away until they are acknowledged... listened to... acted on... and felt.

No matter how bad you feel... you will only add to this by trying to use food to cope.... or the lack of food for a sense of control. I've used both.

Search for the answers...
Spend lots of time on this forum...
It will act as a mirror for you to see your own dysfuntion... and your will get loving support while you work it out.

Using will only take your life.

[dotcom]

Longboarder, I am sorry you are having a tough time of it. I'll be sending some positive thoughts your way. Yes, we all make mistakes and we can always start again and again. Don't minimize the good things that you are accomplishing in your program. Just realize that you are working at multiple issues and take it one day at a time, breathe, and keep going! It's ok, you're ok.

thank you pony. i am going out to have a nice sober evening and we will most likely go out to a dinner too. i am ok, your right! all things considered i am doing well. with the hopes that i can continue to pick up and dust off i will enjoy my evening! i am trying very hard to be positive, thank you for all your support. its much appreciated. i cant really talk about this with everyone i know in real life but my mom like i can with the drugs and alcohol. its just different.

The thoughts will never go away until they are acknowledged... listened to... acted on... and felt.

thank you for sharing that with me bikewench, it is much appreciated. i think you are right, i will always have those thoughts. its a matter of working them through and just trying to let go of the stress and pain that makes me want to control control control even though i seem to do it subconsciously.

thank you both,

lonboarder