New To MB Please Help

[Titania]

Hey everyone as you probably know im new to this message board.....Ive been dealing with eating disorders all my life starting in high school with anorexia with occasional binge purge episodes and i honestly believe i was in control of my ED at this time in my life. When i moved away from home to start college my ED was put on hold by a roommate who was a little too nosy so for a year i was 10 lbs above my normal weight which was fine at the time.....then i lived with a friend that had different class schedules so i was able do my thing in privacy till i moved back in with my parents for awhile and i sustained normal eating habits for a few years. Last March I moved away again and now i find myself back into my old habits only now its much worse, its turned into cumpulsion i cant stop counting calories, i run at least 5 miles a day, if i eat more than 1200 cals i find myself purging because i feel too full....its crazy, i want to quit and i know i have a problem but i cant stop for the life of me...i dont know why i cant ask for help as much as i want to quit i cant see my life without exercising and having restrictions im just so used to this what do i do??undefined

[waterlily]

I didn't see anyone jump in here, so I wanted to send encouragement! Please tell someone about your problem and get some treatment. My little sister suffered from bulemia for years and she is doing fine now with her first baby and wonderful husband.

It can get better. REALLY!!

[gabigoo]

I also suffer from an ED- anorexia. I think it started when I was about 12 y/o and I have always been "crazy" about my food. I can understand what you are going thru. When I went off to college I found my ED really came out and I was VERY restrictive and over-exercised. It took so much out of me that I needed to transfer schools and move home. I went into treatment and found SO much comfort and compassion with the other girls. I am now 30 y/o, married with 2 kids. I honestly never thought I would make it thru 2 pregnancies but I did! I always believe that things happen for a reason and I never understood my ED- but I do know that if it wasn't for it I would have never met my husband and had my awesome kids! I wish I could say that things have gotten better but the ED shows its face from time to time. I am currently 5'4 and weigh 105- so I guess things are not good- and my kids are only 16 months and 3 y/o! Most women NEVER lose the weight- that was my wake-up call that I have to be better to myself. I find that I only eat when I am hungry and that is not right b/c I have trained myself to deny my hunger for so long!

What I have come to understand thru treatment is that it is NOT about the food- it is about the emotions we are holding inside of us. We restrict b/c it is sometimes the ONLY thing we can control! I can not control my husbands drinking but I certainly can control my weight! I am going thru hard times right now b/c my husband is in treatment b/c he is an alcoholic. What I needed to realize is that I can not control him and controlling my food will only hurt MY health!

I find that it takes alot of self-exploration and honesty to face an ED. But it can be done and you have so much ahead of you in life to enjoy. If you want help... and only if...talk to your Dr.