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|01-15-2012, 04:27 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2011
Wondering how much crossover in ED&drug abuse
I'm 45 & now and struggling with opiates, but my compulsions began with food as a child, due no doubt to intolerable home conditions. Food filled me til I was numb & didn't have to feel the pain. I strictly binged until high school where I learned to purge. I lost a lot of weight, got loads of positive attn, even from my family who HAD to know what was up. They just seemed glad I wasnt a "fat loner" anymore. The B&P got very very bad. at 1st it seemed like the answer but it quickly took over my whole life.
I learned that the only time I wasn't obsessing about food was when I was drinking. Since I'd lost weight, I became popular. I went to lots of parties & loved the release from the tyranny of food obsession that resulted from too many beers, pills, MJ, coke, acid, whatever. Again, I thought I'd found the "new" answer.
But of course it all slowly but SURELY took over all of me. I became a waste case, a shell of my former self. Lost all motivation, any concern for myself, etc.
Now I look back & shake my head at how all of my family & friends put me down when i was fat but relatively healthy--and quite happy really-- and how excited & supportive they all were when I began the most self-destructive and self-loathing period of my life! They all encouraged my insanity.
I eventually realized I was an alcoholic w/ED issues & began AA. My 1st real positive step toward recovery was when I made up my mind that NO MATTER WHAT, I was NOT GOING TO PURGE. I surrendered my appetite, my weight, my appearance to my HP and I determined that I wasgoing to eat if I was truly hungry (which I had to relearn thru some tricks), and I would eat anything that I was truly hungry for (usually a cheeseburger), and I would eat it moderately slowly, as unto God, asking Him to show me when to stop eating. Then, no matter what I would not purge (which wasnt easy as the food was used to coming up on its own); I would lie down or take a slow walk, whatever I needed to do to keep it down.
Then I would praise my HP that I did it-at least this one time! I decided that how much i weighed was none of my business. It was up to my HP who createdme to put me where he wanted me to be.
I'm not sure why but this worked for me. I think I had been so preoccupied with myself, how I looked, what others saw & thought of me, that I had forgotten to be my own advocate. It took time, & there were slips along the way, but now I can say it's been over a decade or even longer since I've been bound by B&P.
So I still struggle with substance abuse, but it's getting better all the time.
I was just wondering if it's common for ppl to go back & forth btw the 2...
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|01-16-2012, 09:35 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
I don't, and haven't, purged...so not sure if my response is what you're looking for, but I'll give it any way.
I don't know how common it is to swap purging with other addiction issues. I'd think it is fairly regular. People with addiction issues will frequently swap addictions. It's one of the issues people deal with when someone is going into Recovery.
Personally I have a problem with moderation. That was true when I drank. True when I used tobacco. True with food. I was at a gathering the other day where there was cake. I abstained, like I usually do, and made a comment to the person I was with that I couldn't imagine having one piece. That I don't even get the point. They didn't understand my thinking, and I get why they didn't. It is illogical for most people that other people don't get the point of having one beer...one treat. That's why we're different.
Anyway...just my rambling.
Won't you look down upon me Jesus?
You've got to help me make a stand.
You've just got to see me through another day.
My body's aching and my time is at hand,
I won't make it any other way.
- James Taylor
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|01-17-2012, 02:50 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: All over the place
I posted on a note of yours in the Substance abuse side, but this is where I actually really belong.
I have been working on my recovery from an ED for 12 years. For years the statistics I had seen was 30% of those with an ED had a dual diagnosis with substance or alcohol abuse. I recently saw a statistic that they are thinking that the number might be as high as 30-50%.
I would say in my experience at least 30% is accurate. I don't have a feel for the opposite realm (those with substance abuse that might struggle with food).
Welcome to this side of the board.
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|01-23-2012, 07:40 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
Blog Entries: 11
My story is your story. Hard family home life, lot of critisism by my mother over EVERYTHING. I used to steal food and binge. Didn't go thru the purging however I did go thru meth abuse in college and got really skinny and had tons of attention.
I am 47 now and just marked a year clean from opiates. What helped me a TON is OA. I got a food sponsor and am working the OA 90 day program. when my food is order, i can operate. My house stays relatively clean, I have energy ETC.
All my meetings are phone meetings. I just came back from a food relaspe where I spent 17 days with my mother. She was the SAME! I even knew where she kept opitates in the house, and didn't take any.
you can do this and the 12 steps can help you! once you get your food in order you won't even need to do drugs.
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