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Old 03-25-2011, 02:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
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HELP! I want to eat but can't make myself do it.

I do not want to fall back into an eating disorder, I really don't. I used to be badly bulimic, and lost 51 lbs in 3 months. I got help for it, and though I have had many lapses, I have not fallen back into it as a habit/addiction.

Right now though, I have gradually been eating less and less, and have lost about 10 lbs this past month (not on purpose, just from not feeling well enough mentally to eat much) Today though, I can not eat anything at all! I just can't bring myself to do it. This past few weeks I have not been able to eat more than say a small sandwich without feeling like throwing up. I am going through a rough time right now having to let go of a toxic person in my life, and I chalked it up to that, and figured it would get better.

It is getting worse, now, though. I could eat less and less and now it is about 3pm and I haven't eaten anything all day. I have tried to, but I just freak out and can't do it. I am sure that if I can't get a moderate amount of food in me, I will eventually go on a binge and purge streak. I feel like throwing up right now and I haven't even eaten. I can't stand the smell or taste of any food, even stuff like yogurt or nutritional shakes.

What can I do in this situation?
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Old 03-25-2011, 04:09 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I feel exactly the same at the moment...but am anorexic intead. I am forcing myself to eat twice a day but its becoming a huge problem.

My mum is due to visit next week and i am dreading that comment she makes about my having lost too much weight and am skinny....grrrr the stress of the visit is driving me mad!

Just wanted you to know you werent on your own.

Hugs.
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Old 03-27-2011, 05:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Well, it has started again. I can't keep most food down, I feel like I *need* to throw it up! I am eating some yogurt right now and hoping I can keep it down, but I'm not sure if I can. I don't even need to gag myself to throw up anymore, it just happens.
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Old 03-27-2011, 06:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
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After you have eaten is there something you can go do as a distraction maybe?

Also maybe a check up with your doctor might be an idea just to make sure that nothing is physically making you throw up.

Hopefully the next post will be yay it stayed down Hope so.

Hugs
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Old 03-28-2011, 09:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
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It is getting worse. I am scared to eat. I don't want to eat because every time I do I throw up. I don't gag myself or anything, I just throw up. Any food makes my stomach feel like it's about to explode!
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Old 03-28-2011, 09:48 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I ask again that you go to a doctor to check out your stomach etc. It would be worth going in my opinion.

I say that because my anorexia is made worse by the fact that I have many food intolerances that hurt my insides for months on end and therefore give me an added fear of food.
Abstenance of food is my issue too as thowing up is not my thing.....if I dont eat it then I dont feel bad about it, but we have to eat to survive so I have a healthy diet when I do choose to eat.
I have an 8 year old boy and a nearly 9 year old girl that I just refuse to let them see me die or follow me into an eating disorder.

Sometimes there are added reasons why we have food issues.

Please go see a doctor.
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Old 03-28-2011, 02:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
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My husband thinks I am just eating too fast. Even when I do manage to slow down (hard for me) I get sick, though. I will make a doctor's appointment, I guess.
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Old 03-28-2011, 03:07 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onewithwings View Post
My husband thinks I am just eating too fast. Even when I do manage to slow down (hard for me) I get sick, though. I will make a doctor's appointment, I guess.
Good luck with your doctor, if he or she is any good you will get physically checked over and maybe some psychological therapy too.

Dont be worried about going, take someone with you if you feel more comfortable talking to the doctor in the company of someone you trust.

When I went I took my husband. On only one occassion I asked my husband to wait outside as I felt on that occassion that I was better on my own.
I hope you can do this before it continues to get any worse.

Take care of you and please let me know how you get on.
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Old 03-30-2011, 01:51 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I managed to eat cake and ice cream at an AA member's 40 year "birthday" today. Kept it down, too. It's better than nothing. And I only threw up once today, which is big for me. I really hate that it is getting so out of hand. Going to look for a good nutritionist to see if that will help. I had an awesome one back in Hawaii who really helped me deal with my ED for the time being (2007). I am just afraid because I know how fast I went downhill last time, and I never want to be there again, but I can't fix it myself.

Does anybody know any good ED recovery forums? I'd like a more active place to discuss it.
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Old 03-30-2011, 03:30 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Good that you kept the cake down

Yes I know what you mean...I expected there to be a few more active ED people on sr.........

Be very careful because when I was looking, a few weeks back, there are more pro ana sites that come up on searches, than recovery groups. Some of the sites wont let you in unless you register, but then they turn out to be bad (for those of us who want to recover from an ED) It was really upsetting!

Hope you find what you are looking for
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Old 03-30-2011, 03:52 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Thanks. I have no interest in pro-ana sites, I find them both triggering and annoying. I do not WANT to have an eating disorder, but I am also afraid of getting treatment. It's nerve-wracking even this early on (I have been B&P only less than a month so far this time) I remember last time they put me on a psych ward, forced me to eat or drink ensure, followed me to the bathroom, wouldn't let me see my weight, wouldn't let me exercise, etc. It sucked. I don't want to have to go through all that again, but I am afraid if I don't pick myself up soon I will be right back there.
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Old 03-30-2011, 04:01 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm sorry ((())). I am bulimic and have been anorexic in the past. You are not alone. I hope you are able to get into the dr. soon. I am sorry I don't have much advice but I'm here if you ever need to talk. I've been struggling with ED's for 16 yrs, since I was 12 years old. It's a hard road to travel, you are not alone.

Yeah I steer clear of pro-ana sites and the like ( I used to be heavily involved at one point many yrs ago ) because they make me sad, angry and it's sooo triggering. Unforunately there are more pro-ed "support groups" then there are recovering support groups.

-Jess
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Old 03-30-2011, 04:32 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hey Wings,

In the past year I have developed the problem of vomiting when I'm stressed out and tired, I went back to my psychiatist and on Cymbalta which I had been previously prescribed for depression and anxiety. Things have completely improved. I have always had weird issues with food, but never a full blown eating disorder. When I get stressed out or eat too fast I also get the runs, my doc thinks it's irritable bowel. If you want support there is an online forum called Daily Strength:

Online Support Groups and Forums at DailyStrength

Hope you feel better!
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Old 03-31-2011, 02:23 AM   #14 (permalink)
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This early in is the perfect time to go to the doctors where medication can help you before you go down the psych ward route.

I know how you feel about that. I was in there for 10 months when I was 16.....very traumatic experience indeed.

I know you are scared of treatment but surely to avoid the psych ward situation you need treatment early?

Please re consider a trip to the doctors.

Hope you have a good day today. Hugs
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Old 04-09-2011, 08:36 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I am going to the dr on Monday. Kind of nervous. I did gain back a pound and a half, though, after dropping 18 lbs. I am at a healthy weight, but I won't be for long if I keep doing what I'm doing. My electrolytes are probably screwed up. I know my potassium is low, and I still have kidney problems, though they are not that bad. Dealing with this is stressing me out a lot. I am trying to hang in there and eat little snacks throughout the day. It is really hard not to binge once I start eating, though.
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Old 04-09-2011, 10:03 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Good that you are going to the docs and at a healthier weight. Hopefully whatever the doc gives you, therapy or/and medication, kicks in quickly.

I have managed to put a pound on too, although, apparently, am still too skinny but hopefully my physc assessment will happen soon and treatment soon after.

My mum and dad came to see me, I live miles away from them, and are horrified at my size or lack of. My dad actually 'frisked' my rib cage on the way out the door! Talk about invading my personal space argh! Parents!

My anorexia has changed to bulimia but I have OCD which means purging is out for me (yuk) so I abstain instead...but would far rather be eating ice cream or something yummy!

My brain just needs a full reset I think, or better still a full re-wire instead! lol

Stay strong until you see the doctor. I will be thinking off you and wishing you a scare-free visit.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:15 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I saw the doctor. He just wants me to get some labs done. No referrals or anything until that is done, so I'm going to do it tomorrow, I guess. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow afternoon, and will bring it up to her as well.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:28 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Hi, hope today finds you in a good place.

Presumably the doctor is making sure that something else isnt responsible for how you are feeling and that you havent done any damage to yourself.

Hopefully those lab tests will come back clear...if not I am sure the doctor will have a plan.

I hope your psych doctor is a good one and can help you get to the bottom of it and help you cope.

Well done for taking the first step, you ought to be proud of you, as I am

Hugs.

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Old 04-12-2011, 01:56 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I already know my potassium is low and my kidneys are messed up from my drug use. Afraid of what else I will find out...
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Old 04-12-2011, 03:14 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Well I am also a mother like you, as well as everything else, and I work on the premise that if something shows up in tests, generally it can be treated. Better than biting you on your a** and taking you unawares.

We are supposed to be clean for ourselves but I am also clean for my children. My eating disorder is currently not on show to my kids but it would be if I ended up committed or hospitalized. Obviously the weight loss is obvious but the rest of it is not...to them at least.

In my opinion as a mother I have the responsibility to stick around as long as possible for my children and make sure they dont follow my previous paths of an alcoholic and drug addictiion with an eating disorder. In order to do that, the minimum requirement I can follow is to get healthier and lead by a clean example.

Try not to be scared and take the positive from your tests and that is that it may be treatable. There has to be a possitive in every negative, you just have to find it.

Hugs.
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