Bulimia

[PianoGirl]

Hey guys

I have a question about Bulimia.

I know that it is charactarized as binging and purging. However, I don't ever binge - I just purge. I mean, like my normal meals, when I feel that I've eaten too much or something. But, I don't go out and eat tons and tons of food and then throw it up (like I always see them do in the movies). Do you know what I mean? So, I guess I have a problem with purging and not so much binging. Or maybe I do have a problem with binging, or portion control, or else I wouldn't want to make myself throw up after eating a meal. What do you guys think?

I find myself throwing up several times a week, sometimes every day, now that I've stopped drinking. How often do you guys have a problem with it? Is it daily or weekly, or what?

I just want to get some feedback from some others that suffer with this problem. I'd appreciate any comments or advice you have to offer. I know it's not healthy to make myself throw up, in any shape or form, and I really want to quit. I gained about 50 lbs while I was drinking, and now I want to get it off so bad, I can hardly stand it!

Someone please give me your experiences with Bulimia, and what you use to help you deal with it.

Thanks!!

PG

PS - I'm thinking of joining WT watchers.

[Paulie]

Hi Pianogirl.

I don't have any experience with bulimia but from what I understand the purging is really bulimia, you don't have to binge. If you are purging tha is a problem. I am sure you know how bad it is for you. You quit drinking, I would suggest that you treat your purging the same way you have your drinking.

That is what I am currently doing with my food issues. Cause it really is not about the food for me. It is about the emotions behind the food, just like it was the emotions behind the drugs for me when I was using.

Just something for you to think about. And I thing Weight Watchers is a good idea.

[Juls]

Piano Girl,

Are you able to get any type of counseling. You know it's not healthy for you to do this, but do you know what the results can be? The acid from your stomach can destroy the lining of your esophagus, among other things.

Please get some help for yourself, this is not something that most people can just deal with on their own.

Juls

[PianoGirl]

Thanks Juls and Paulie,

I appreciate the feedback guys. I have been in counseling for Bulimia as well as the drinking, but it's sure been a devil lately. Especially since I quit drinking. I know how very dangerous it can be, that's why I'm really trying hard to stop, just like I did with the drinking. I think sometimes my problem is that I'm afraid if I stop doing that, then I might go back to drinking again. But it has to stop. There's no question about that. I mean, this is just as unhealthy as drinking, if not more so.

I really would like to hear from someone that suffers from Bulimia, and is a recovering alcoholic too if possible, if there's anyone out there on this board like that. If you don't want to post, Feel free to PM me if you'd like.

Thanks again,

PG

[Helz]

Hi PG

I can relate to your problem exactly. I don't have to binge at all. If I eat a normal size meal and feel uncomfortable about it or even if I feel it is the "wrong" type of food, the overwhelming urge to purge strikes and up it comes. But no, binging huge amounts has not been what I do either. It varies for me as to how frequently this occurs. Sometimes I can go a week or so without doing it, other times it will be every day. If I start the day off bad then it is likely to happen several times in a day. I have been doing this for 10 years now, I am 27. Lately I have been a lot better than usual but still not perfect. I just can't seem to beat it totally because when the urge to purge hits I totally lose control. I have also been exercising a lot lately so that I feel I can justify eating without guilt.

I am in VERY early stages of sobriety and am still trying to get the alcohol factor under control. I was actually hoping that once I got the alcohol problem licked that the bulimia would follow....maybe that is a dream though and not how it works at all. I have been making progress though in my decision not to drink. Very small steps but it is still a start. I've started the AA program too which I think is helping. Do you care to share your experiences with me with stopping drinking? I still find every experience shared with me extremely helpful at this early stage of recovery.

Take care,
Helen
xoxoxox

[Jayhay]

Hi PG,

I post on the alcoholism page too - recognized your name. I too can relate very much to what you are going through. I suffered from bulimia when I was younger, ages ~15-20 or so, and a few short-lived slips back into it after that. Interestingly, there is a lot of research lately about the correlation between bulimia, alcoholism, and depression. My theory is that I've always been depressed - or at least since adolescence. Brain chemistry thing. I dealt with it primarily thru binging and purging as a teen (that is also when I started experiementing with drinking). When I kicked the bulimia, I started drinking more. The drinking has been off and on over the years. I did notice a couple years ago when I quit drinking for a few weeks, the urge to binge/purge returned! It was so strange. That's when I started to wonder if the two weren't connected in some way - of at least the emotional problems underlying those coping strategies. So, I can certainly relate to the "obsession" with weight since you've stopped drinking. I'm on day 9 of not drinking, and by the way my clothes fit I can tell I've lost a few pounds. It feels great! However, I also am a bit scared of becoming obsessed with that aspect, and wanting to purge. We can support each other!

I'm taking prozac now, which is supposed to be helpful for bulimia as well. My psych said that since I have the Hx of bulimia, I might need to stay on prozac for a long time! fine with me, as long as it helps.

I always thought of myself as recovered from bulimia. But, that obsession with weight/body image is always there. I'm trying to tackle that now. - Feeling positive and loving my body no matter what it is. I'm short (5' 0"), so I just have to deal with the fact that I will always have to watch what I eat, or accept being chubby.

Weight watchers is a good idea. I joined their online program for a while, and really got the hang of their point system. It gave me some good guidelines for healthy eating. I decided not to go to meetings, because I thought that I might get too obsessed with the scale. That doesn't matter - what matters is if I'm eating healthily, and I feel good about myself.

Keep in touch!
Jayhay

[PianoGirl]

Thanks Helz and Jayhay! It's encouraging to hear someone elses experiences dealing with bulimia. I went almost 2 weeks without doing it, and then over the weekend, I ate a pint of icecream, and felt bad about it afterwards, and well, you know...but yeah, I don't ever binge. I just get mad at myself when I get off my diet, and then I try to fix it by throwing up. It seems the past couple of weeks, I've felt more determined to stop it though. My doctor increased my dosage of Paxil, so maybe that is working?

Helz, I would love to share experiences with you about recovering from alcohol. I just hit my 6 month mark on Friday of last week. How long have you been sober? It seems things are starting to level out for me now, at least a little bit. The first few months were really rough. If you'd like I can send you a PM, and tell you a little bit more about when I first got into my recovery? I enjoy hearing others stories too. I thought that my Bulimia would follow my alcoholism too, but I'm learning that it's something you have to change your thinking on, just like alcohol. I really like what Dr. Phil said a while back, you have to get real about fat, or you'll get real fat. lol I think that's true, and I think it's all a matter of changing your thinking about the way you eat, and the way you view food. At least it is for me.

You're right, Jayhay, it's all about excepting your body image. It's just been hard for me to do that, and I gained so much weight while I was drinking, I could just kick myself! I thought it would just pour off after I stopped drinking, but so far I've only lost about 15 pounds in 6 months. I need to loose about 50. I'm short too, about 5'3, so I have to stay kinda trim to keep from looking chunky.

Anyway, thank you again for your comments, it's nice to know there are others out there in my shoes. I'm going to beat this thing, just like I did with alcohol. Take care ya'll.

PG

[Helz]

Thanks Piano Girl

I am glad someone else feels the same way I do about this.

I have been sober for 16 days now (this time) and although the emotional part is hard I am feeling really positive this time and I know am going to make it!!! I would love it if you could send me a PM and tell me about how you started recovery. I am still very new to this and all information is gratefully recieved.

Also, do you go to AA and work the steps? I have been going to meeting for a couple of months now but not really doing anything else. I think that I should try and throw myself into it a lot more to see results.

If you have any tips on changing how you see yourself or changing how you feel about food and eating, please let me know your experiences, I am sure it could help me too.

My bulimia has quietened down at the moment to maybe only a couple of times a week. However I know it is still there waiting to rear it's ugly head at any given moment because it is not sorted out, it's just sometimes dormant for brief phases. I've been doing it for over 10 years but I can't tell there are any visible signs of damage to my body....yet! What about you?

I'm also short 5'3". I don't know if I actually do need to lose weight to be in the healthy range but I FEEL like I do, if you know what I mean. It doesn't matter if no one else thinks I am fat, I think I am fat.

I do want to stop this too but alcohol is the one I am concentrating on at the moment I'm afraid.

Thank you for listening.

Love Helen

[Juls]

Hey, hey,

another short person here. I am also 5'3". We can start a club, LOL.

One of the ways to changing how you see yourself is to start noticing the negative self-talk that goes on in your mind and replace it with positive self-talk. i.e., when you find yourself thinking something like "I am so fat, and I look awful," replace it with something kind like you might say to a friend, "I am a good person, I am working on changing myself, I am beautiful on the inside and the outside."

The more you become aware of the negative things you say to yourself, and start changing them to positive things, the better you will start to feel about yourself. Also daily affirmations are good. Say them to yourself while looking in the mirror. I tell myself that I am beautfiul, I am strong, and I am getting better every day, among other things. You can say whatever you like, as long as it is something good.

Changing the way you feel about eating and food takes time, and is best accomplished by taking small steps. It is important to journal and write down your feelings when you eat, and to keep track of what you eat. A "food diary," if you will.

The first change I made was drinking water. Not even trying to drink 8 glasses, just one glass in the morning when I got up. It worked for me, and I was able to move onto other things, like getting 8 glasses, exercising, eating better, etc.

I hope this is helpful to you,

Juls

[Helz]

Thanks Juls

The positive self talk is a great idea although, this might sound silly, but I will find it hard to say something nice to myself and mean it. I guess if I do think of myself as a friend and think of what I might say to them it would be easier because I can always think of heaps of nice things to say about other people.

I think writing down the food is a good idea too. I am a grazer, that is I like to eat little bits all day! But little things all the time probably do add up to big things, huh? It is definitely worth monitoring it.

I already drink a heap of water and I do exercise. I also eat a heap of chocolate too so any good I do gets undone with that too. But at least I'm trying.

How about you Juls? How are you doing?

Love Helen
xoxoxoxox

[Pony]

Helen,

I also find it hard to say those nice things to myself. It's like it feels to weird, but they say once you practice it enough it gets easier. I'm still waiting for it to get easier....LOL It's hard not to hear all those neg. things that have been told to me for many years. Sometomes those things come through louder than the positive messages I'm trying to replace them with does.

Writing down your food intake is a good thing because sometimes we just aren't aware of how much or what kind of food pass through our bodies. It is worth a try. It's great that you alreaady have the water and excerise thing going!

Keep coming back and letting us know how it is going.

Pony

[steve4432]

Hi ladies I read your posts and I Just wanted to say I am a man 40 years old I am 5'5" so I Qualify for the club all my life I wanted to be taller all my uncles and my grand father were over 6' But I had to settle on Just being cute at times it has been very embarrassing It does have its advantages if you know what I mean lol.
I know you know of the dangers of this but I wanted to say that to all of these process addictions there is underlying conditions and those are usually more known In fact when I was a kid I was paralized in my face and when I smiled one side of my face was just there it hung wide open I am sure youve all seen a stroke patient well thats how I looked and at 6-14 years of age I was teased by all and my father was embarrassed of my condition it created a lot of dysfunctional behavior eventually I had to come to terms with myself that this was how god made me he did not make me retarded that is what people said I was. not what god said I was I am sure you ladies are so beautifull trully beyond your own view and I dont give a rip what anyone says your more than pretty to me and have great hearts to boot. So take care of yourselves you can beat this and go on to help others and save there lives Look at what we can do and do more of it there are such unfortunates that can never even have the talents and mind power that we tried to destroy...I love ya ((((((hugs)))))))).Steve

[Pony]

Thank you Steve. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Those were very thoughtful words of encouragement.

[PianoGirl]

Thanks Steve!

That was so sweet of you to say that. It is SO hard to have a positive view of yourself. And to look in the mirror and say those things to myself makes me wanna laugh. It always reminds me of that skit on Saturday Night Live with Stuart Smiley, and he'd look in the mirror and say "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me". lol To me, it was always a joke to do stuff like that. But I can see now, that doing that really WOULD help to build a positive image of yourself, in your own mind. If you start off the day with positive thoughts about yourself, look at yourself in the mirror and say those positive thoughts, well, then it's just going to give you that added boost of confidence......thanks Juls! I'm going to start doing that more often.

Hey Helz, I sent you a PM. Hope you got it. I haven't noticed any side effects from my bulimia, but I know that it can cause all kinds of stuff if it's not taken care of, like strokes, ulcers, stomach tears, etc. How are you doing with it this week so far? PM me if ya get a chance.

Again on the height thing - that was always another issue with me. All of the woman that are considered beautiful on TV and stuff are always like 5'9 or something. I always hated being 5'3 - I felt like I was a little girl, but looking at it now, I can see that most women in the world are around my height! So, it's not so bad anymore. The media is the demon of our society today. Making young women believe they should be a certain height or weight to be pretty.


Oh the vanity of the world we live in today...
PG

[Juls]

Helz, I am doing o.k. I know how it is when you start saying those things to yourself. I felt like an idiot at first, but now it is easier for me to say and mean. One concept I have used in my life alot is "act as if, and you will become." So I learned to act as if I thought I was a beautiful, wonderful person, and now I am learning to really believe it. LOL

I have never minded being short though. It meant I could date the cute short guys, and the big tall ones. LOL

Steve, did you have Guillame-Berey syndrome? I don't think that is the right spelling, but it is a disorder that paraylyzes your body, and can take along time to go away.

Juls

[Helz]

Good morning all

Juls, that "act as if" advice is the best. In recovery I've also heard of "fake it til you make it" so I guess that could be used here as well. Starting the day in a postive way is so important. What sort of things do you say each day?

Thank you SOOOOOOO MUCH for your PM Piano Girl. I appreciated your words very much. I will send you a big reply a bit later on, I am in a little bit of a hurry this morning. This week I am going OK, probably had two "episodes" this week. Not for any particular reason, just when my mind lost it for a minute.

I don't actually mind being short either, sometimes it's good for people to think of you as a "little girl"..hahahahaha. The only thing is that we do have to be careful what we eat cos short people get fat quicker!

Steve, that is so sweet of you to say that, thank you!

Thanks Pony for the welcome!

Love Helen
xoxoxoxoxo

[steve4432]

Good morning pretty ladies last night I was thinking ya it hurt but I got through it. I have been in sales for many years and that means I have to sharpen my skills on a regular basis it is a good thing however that we dont have to soee good to sell houses,because I woudnt last a day. Any way while I was thinking of you ladies a book came to mind the book is on cognative rebuilding of self esteme the author is Shad Helmsteader title."What to say when you talk to yourself" there is also a sequal to it and I dont remember the name of hand but its right up our alley for those of road hard and out up wet.
see you soon gals your awsome and we never have to do yesterday again.........Love ya..............Steve

[Pony]

From one that has always been referred to as.."the fat girl, or the big woman" it is so nice to be greeted with " good morning pretty ladies".........Wouldn't you all agree??

Thank you Steve! I have always loved the term "lady" for women. It just has a nice sound to it!

I have that book and read many years ago, thanks for reminding me that I had it and maybe it's time I go back and reread it. Something to do on my field trips!

Pony

[Bradley004]

Hey Piano Girl, remember me? Hopefully you haven't resided yourself to "hate" me over the anti-depressent thread - lol .

I just had some time today and was checking out other threads..for curiosity. If you read the beginning of the anti-dep thread you would know I suffered from an eating disorder that robbed my life of joy for almost 20 years. I did everything..anorexia, binging, purging.

I just want to say the first step in overcoming this is to realize that DIETING is not the answer to healthy eating/mentality towards food. Educating yourself on good, healthy eating for life is a successful goal. As long as you diet..it's temporary.

Another thing I learned is that eating sweets DOES NOT MAKE YOU FAT,...it's when you obsess with it..and choose it as a normal part of your life. Eating is really easy. I was checked into the hospital years ago and was so bad they needed to regulate/restrict my eating for a week...I actually LOST WEIGHT...realized that my eating perception was way off. Their portions were more realistic than mine. Basically what you get in a frozen food dinner..the little squares is considered "normal'.

Educate yourself on normal portions. But it's ok to eat alittle more as EXERCISE keeps you moderate. For me, I choose to walk before my day starts. It is a wonderful way to feel good about yourself before you get in the shower, go to work or whatever. No matter what comes to your day..your ahead of the game. It is also a fabulous time to pray and get a good start to positive approach between you and God.

WARNING. PURGIN WILL GET WORSE. As long as you continue to purge you are extremely upsetting your chemistry/system!!!! Talk about chemical inbalance. This is intentional and very real. It is a direct impact to reversing your "flow" and causes headaches, low blood sugar, lightheadedness and yes..depression. This is NOT good for you. It also really SCREWS your system up to what is normal and what is not..your body and brain will start to get off kilter to food in general. You will continue to get addicted to that so please stop doing that. It may take time now that you have taught yourself this process but that in a nutshell is a huge deterent to getting healthy to eating.

TIME will get better people. I personally was a candidte for death. Listened to all the talk shows, read the books and got more depressed and ate more. Basically, like alchohol you have to get fed up. There is no magic pill. But the net/net is this...LEARN TO EAT HEALTHY FOR LIFE....exercise...moderation, stay away from "binge" foods..(ie. icecream in your freezer) and love life.

Truth is...diet, control are the real issues here. Moderation is the key. Eat alittle of all the 4 food groups and you will be fine. Dieting, fanatical extremes (all protein and whatnot) never worked for me.

One more tip..learn what works best for your system. I typically stay away from sugarary foods..I don't agree with all protein but do agree to lower your carbs is a good thing.

This is purely my experience but I perform MUCH BETTER with just coffee/bananna in morning. No heavy breakfasts or sugary starts. I always, always get off to a bad start with a breakfast outside of a bananna/coffee. So all the stuff about you must have a big breakfast is nonsense to me. I work better with "less is more".

Don't weigh yourself??? Water, muscle can all attribute. But a good check now and then is fine.

Today I weigh 122lbs and have kept my weight for the last 20 years +.

Prayer is key. I believe God answered my request years ago to stop obsessing with food..He just knew I needed to educate myself first - trial/error. I'd like to spare some of you from SHEAR HELL that is not worth it.

Once you cross the boundary of obession wit food there is no "feel good" recovery. But there is hope...I am no longer anything dysfunctional w/food. All the books that claimed I w/be battling this forever..tied to meetings and/or hideous "routines" to keep my mind/body focused on normal eating was ..excuse my frankness...-BULL!!!

Have hope people.

[Bradley004]

I forgot to add my thoughts on alchohol relation to eating disorder...for what it is worth I have learned (personally) that the core of both is learning to accept life by being accountable to our choices through all life's challenges... both negative/postive and learning which is which.

This is not a quick fix. It's learning to accept both good and negative feelings and how to USE THEM in a positive light instead of letting our feelings/circumstamces drive us through our approach (ie. eating, work, excerise, everthing).

Eating right is a good thing but does involved discipline. Learning balance requires education on what is good for you and what is not. Remembe too much of anything is not. That ole rule of 4 food groups was good rational common sense. If our body is too much of anything or not enough of another is there any reason to be confused when you have "cravings".

Feelings need to be put in perspective as much as food does. LEARN to be postive through them not run away from them. And most important of all SEEK GOD for He is the beginning and end to all wisdom and He yearns for you to come to Him for advice. Believe it or not a "personal" relationship with Him is not a quick fix but it is a solution. As God knows better than you what you need. Be patient. You will feel better.

So the net/net is I used alchohol to control my obsession with food. Then food and booze both controlled me.. It took growing up through this and not giving up hope to gain the balance and that came through knowing God (too general for some but it requires a personal relationhip..hint/hint). So if you find yourself with old familiar urges coming off alchohol or whatnot ...don't freak...just approach with the knowledge you have learned and MATURITY to handle these urges. Faith and not obsessing or attempting additional poor choices (reaching for the icecream or thumb down your throat) ....most suredly those urges will disipate. Feelings are like that you know.

That's my 2cents in a 20 minute post..lol. Take it or leave it.

God bless...

[PianoGirl]

Thanks Bradley,

I agree with a lot of what you say. The key is to educate yourself towards changing your views on food, for life, not just for the moment. That is something I've been trying to work on. It's become harder since I quit drinking, but I also have a strong belief in god, and know that he will help me get through it, just like he does with the alcohol addiction.

Portion control is something I really could do better at too. Even when I eat the right foods, I probably eat to much of them. Will keep trying until I get it right....

Thanks

PG

[Misha]

Hi to all of you. This is the first time I come to a Forum like this one. I used to fell so odd for my behaviors, like I might be crazy or just isolated in something for 10 years. It is so comforting readind your stories and support... and to know just exactly how you are feeling because I have too felt most of these thing. I was anorexis for two years since I was 15, then became vegeterian but couldn't keep up with my family and friends that critized me, so that didn't work. Then strarted taking laxatives everyday, which thank God somehow I can't see anymore and I've como to hate. Then I started binging, exercising, vomiting. I had my cycles. Always trying to please all, which I became fed up with because I couldn't bear being the perfect friend, student, daughter, etc, etc. I am now 24 and used to live alone since I turned 18 (with my twin sister, who is so different from me... much stronger, I guess). Before she left I started binge drinking too. Felt so mucho pressure around. She found me drunk several times and, of course, she told everything to them. Now that she is gone, They are back at where I livr. Won't let me alone for a second... too over-protecting now when I am to graduate soon. I live in one of their apartments, and feel Ican't take them off my back in any way for now. I know are so worried, but we've had so many family isuues, although from outside have the perfect family... I feel so bad. They wanted to take me to the shrink (where I used to go) and I said couldn't cause I had exams today and, of course, because at this point, I cant bear the fact of them taking total control of my life. Cant have friends, boyfriends, a life!!!!
My dad got so angry he took the computer down to the floor and as I said I was going to a friend's to do a homework, he hit me, yelled at me, hit my books, locked all the doors... All this in front of a colleage of the University that was staying over. I feel so much anger. Theytell me I am spoiled girl, that I dont appreciate what they do for me, what they have given me (which is, of course a lot). I know I love them, but I can[t take these episodes or so many things at one time... I cried for 4 hours in my room.
About the alcohol aspect, I've had my bad and good days. Sometimes I do it before going to bed. Sometimes I don[t at all. It depends...
Sorry for long and sad story. It's good to be able to talk to people who understand you. I think I feel better now!!!! At leastuntil they wake up.....
If you have any suggestions!!!!!!!!!!! They are welcome!!!!!! :-)