eating and humbled

[alli12]

This is my first time using this kind of forum. I usually go to meetings but with a toddler I'm finding that more and more difficult. I hope it's OKAY if I just dump a little. Alright, here goes!!!

Feeling low and funky (and HUNGRY!) tonight. Was abstinent for 7 years but now I'm having problems with the food. I've started eating sugar, all but abandoned my food plan and now I often obsess about food. I worry about putting back my 70 lbs. I lost. But it's more than just the weight now isn't it? I see my peace and serenity waning as a result of letting that darn food creep back into my life.

My pride has kept me from reaching out to other OA members so I hide and keep this dirty little secret to myself. I finally admitted it to my sponsor after I avoided calling her for a few weeks. She cut me loose. So now I feel like there's no accountability anywhere and it's been a free-for-all of eating and obsessing about food.

I suppose that's all I have to say for now. Just wondering if anyone else out there has been re-snared by the food demon and how they got out the tailspin. I need help.

[Pony]

Alli,

First off I would very much like to welcome you to our little family here. We have a great bunch of people here that are struggling day by day just like you learning to manage their lives with their own food issues. This is a good place to come and vent and dump and also share in our experiences of what we have done that was or wasn't helpful on our way to lerning to live and deal with our food issues in our daily lives.

You sound like you are pretty in touch with your own behaviors in reguards to slipping off your plan and recognizing your obession with food. As for the pride thing....well...we all have something that we must oversome. One is that we have to recognize that we are human and entitled to make mistakes.....but I sure as you know we need to pick ourselves up and start again. It's ok. We can do that. With each new day is a new chance to begin and achieve our goals. When I slip up and start on the snacking craze I always have to take inventory of what has been going on in my life and why am I reaching for the refrig. There is usually an underlining reason why I am eating everything in sight at that momment. You might want to journal/write out what has been happening in your life that has you needing to comfort yourself with food.

I am sorry that your sponsor bailed out on you. That must have thrown you for a spin all on it's own. I know I would have felt abandoned by someone I had put my trust in. Have you thought about finding someone else to sponsor you?

I know that it is hard to get to meetings with a small child. I have a young daughter myself, but if that's where you feel supported and good recovery please try to get there somehow and maybe find a new sponsor. Sometimes without us realizing it life has it's way of telling us that it's time to move on. Maybe it was time to get a new sponsor afterall...! Not that she was bad or anything, just that maybe you went as far as you could go with her and it's time for a new perspective. Try it OK.

Please come back and let us know how you are doing!

Pony

[Paulie]

Hi alli12 and welcome -

I want to say ditto to everything that Pony said. As she explained so well, today is a new day, and that means a fresh start for all of us. this is something I have really been working on these past few months, if I screw up, I start again, we shouldn't beat our self up for it, hard I know, but we can do it. It takes practice telling our disease to go take a walk when it is active and talking to us, but that is what we have to do.

I am an addict in recovery who turned to food instead of drugs a few years ago. Now when I think abuot it, I had the food problem before the drug problem but didn't know that until I got in recovery. So now I work on the drug and food problem.

As I am sure you have learned in OA, it is a lifestyle change for us, behaviour has to change.

As for your spnsor letting you go because you slipped, well I don't know this person and I do not want to pass judgement on her, but I do know that is not what a sponsor is supposed to do. It may be hard to trust again, but you have to go deep inside you and find the courage to walk through the fear.

I know what it is like to loose a sponsor. My sponsor relapsed 3 weeks ago and cut me loose too. She is back in the program now but she cannot sponsor me because she is a newcomer and needs to foucs on herself, and I do understand that. But the feeling of being abandoned is still there. The fear that I spent so much time investing in this relationship with her, was in the middle of my 4th step and now I have to find another sponsor, that fear is there. But I have to find a new one, for me cause I am worth it...and so are you.

I know it would be hard with a toddler, but you can do it. There are meetings that allow you to bring your kids. Personally, I love when people bring their kids, it shows me that they really want to be there, and I love the laughter!!!

I am glad you found us.

Remember, we are all people before sponsors or sponsees and people make mistakes, she made a mistake, but don't punish yourself for her mistake.

I look forward to getting to know you better.