My Eating Disorder

[Persis16]

Welcome All!
Wow this feels good to finally say what i wanna say and reach out to share my story with others. I just hope all of you reading this reply to me! Where to start.. I am a 16 year old female from Maine. For two years I struggled with anorexia and bulimia. I got down to a very low weight and had to undergo many hospitalizations. But after each one, i would return home and get back into my eating patterns once again. This past year was very stressful for my family and I, we went through a lot and noone really knew how to cope with things. In the fall of 2001 my life seemed to be falling apart. My Aunt, age 47 died of lung cancer, and my family was very close. Not long after, in december, a week after christmas we found out my mother, age 42 had cancer. She was very ill and it was a very hard time for my father and I. An answer from prayer came after my mothers surgery in september 2002 and her cancer was gone. The stress built up inside me this entire time and while not so bad, my eating diorder was picking up. In the past year my mother has been fine. Myself on the other hand is not such a grand old story. After my mother got well, my eating disorder picked up bulimia was taking over my life and i didnt even care. So Soon i also picked up anorexia. I struggled with these two disorders for months and months without anyone knowing, while i was slowing slipping away to nothing. my bones started poking out of my skin, and sometimes i would pass out. I would back out alot, and get really nausous. Finally my cousin confronted me about my problem and i confided in her for help. Soon after my aunt and mother found out which was a big eye opener. My health was fastly decreasing and i needed help fast. With my mother by my side i was sent into the hospital. Trust me, it wasnt a easy thing to do, and nor was it something i thought would help. Boy was i wrong. as the weeks went by and i reached out to the people in the hospital i began to get better and healthy again, But only becausei wanted to. You cant change who you are, unless you are willing. I learned so much from the people there, and changed as a person significantly. I made the friends of a lifetime and i wouldnt go back in a second. It's been four months now and i am still on the road to recovery. yes it is a huge struggle, but ya know ... what isnt in life?! My health is pretty good now, my teeth ruined from the acid, but it was something i did to myself. a decision from the past that i cant go back and change now. I guess the reason i decided to write this in here was to maybe get some people to talk back to me. I wanna reach out into the world and help that one person out there who may be looking for help. Also i wanna teach people, and kids so any students who wanna know the truth about eating disorders, i have it, i've lived it and i am willing to tell it. So leave me a post and maybe we can get to know each other. thanks and god bless.

*Persis

[Juls]

Persis,

Yours is truly a story that will reach out and touch people. I was very touched by reading it. I have never struggled with anorexia or bulimia, I have had problems keeping my weight down, but did not go to those extremes.

I cannot imagine what that must feel like. I do know there is a type of "Body Dymorphic Image," involved which is something I do struggle from.

I am curious as to what you were feeling, or were you feeling when going through those periods. Would you look in the mirror and see yourself as fat, or was it something else.

It would be helpful to learn more about your personal experience.

Congratulations on your recovery, that is so awesome, and also you are still young and have so many good years ahead of you. I am very proud of you for reaching out for help and being able to take it. That takes alot of courage.

Juls

[chicagored7]

Thank you for sharing your story. I know very little about eating disorders but I suspect one of my "sponsees" has developed one since becoming clean and sober about 2 years ago. She certainly does seem obsessed with self image and I have prayed for some guidance for her. Keep writing. Thanks Tracey F

[Persis16]

Thank you so much for replying!
Juls,
where to start!?!? okay yes i do have body image problems too. They used to be horrible, i wouldnt even want to carry a mirror in my purse, or go places with them because of the fact of maybe looking in them when i didnt want to. Looking in the mirror used to be hell for me... pretty much. I would see myself as a HUGE 500 pound girl who was ugly as could be. Those problems were one of the biggest i had to work on while getting help. Although it will take a long time to get over them, they are quite a bit better now. I still have down days every now and then, just like everyone else, except a little worse. But even when i was really sick, it wasnt just the fat thing. I always had this thing in my head where i was just dying to be thin. I had my world revolved around being skinnier and i was never skinny enough. I would tell myself that i would get more friends, guys, be more popular and all kinds of other things if only i could lose 5 more pounds. And thats where my eating disorder(s) would get worse. I dont really know what else you wanna know.. but i am more than willing to share with you and anyone else, so just leave me another message and i will get back, thanks again!

tracey F.,
Thank you too for responding to my story. if you have any questions for me, please write back, dont worry about details, i am willing to share what i know I will be praying for your friend too, god is always there and he is listening even when sometimes we dont think so. god bless, and thanks again.

Hey everyone!
my story is above if you havent already read it...please do and write me any queastions or responses you may have!
thanks, love Persis

[Aibreanowl]

Thanks for sharing Persis.

It's so good to read about someone else's exprience, strength and hope. It helps my program immensly.

Keep coming, It works!

AO

[Persis16]

Hello everyone!
I am having a hard time right now and need some support. I am kind of moving backwards in my recovery. I have this underlying need to not eat anymore, but i know i have to. My eating disorder talk is taking over my life right now. If anyone can relate or give me some support please reply. i need help right now, and don't want to end up in the hospital again. thanks and god bless.
Persis

[Juls]

Hi Persis,

I'm sorry to hear your having a hard time today. It's good you came her to reach out for help. One technique is to talk to your disease, sit down with some paper and ask your disease what it wants. See what comes out and just write it down.

The other thing is you have to force yourself to eat something nutritious and not do anything such as purging to remove it. Then you have to deal with your feelings. That is when you'll need the most support, and it really needs to be someone that is physically close to you. This is a great board, but it doesn't take the place of a live person. Do you still have contacts from the hospital, are you in any counseling.

Remember all the things you said you wanted to do in your first post? You have to take care of yourself in order to do them. You do not need to be perfect, just be yourself. Re-building your self-esteem I think is an important part of getting well.

What techniques did they teach you in the hospital for getting through an episode like this?

You are a special person, and someone deserving of love. We are all here for you, and I hope you will be alright.

Juls

[Jenn]

Tracy,

I understand the feeling of wanting to let it out and talk. One thing I have learned , is that the more you do talk about it the more the feelings grow stronger. One thing I now never do is swap storys with anyone as to exactly how did it and when and such because I would feed off my storys and others. You don't know how many other bulimics have told me the same thing.

( I have been bulimic for 10 years, I am 25)Recovering slowly but surely.

It is a terriable thing to go through, and it took me 8 years to realize I had a real problem. And also to realize that I can't do it alone.

Unfortunatly I also found that doctors and people around here are highly unedcuated about it.

I give you sooo much credit sweetie and I hope to feel the way you do some day, for right now I give it one day at a time.

If there is ever a time you want to talk please feel free to contact me. I have probably felt feelings that you have or had and even though there is no miracle cure,.. I can certainly tell you how I felt and the things that worked for me and maybe you can do the same for me as well. Take care and God Bless you on your journey. Jen

I have awful spelling..SORRY!!!!!!!

[clancy]

Hi there, im clancy from the w.i.r board, i am nearly a month clean, and both my sister and i have had forms of anorexia.

Its like now im clean, im obsessed with my weight again, im 5'5 and weigh 115. i know im to skinny in one way, but in another i love it. I take a british size 8 which is an american 4 and part of me gets a wicked thrill from going trying on beautiful stuff in tiny sizes and looking good,and getting envious glances. but my parter says these glances are people thinking how anorexic i look!

i eat very little, always a big breakfeast, then thru the the day i try to eat five fruits, and thats usually it.

Im terrified to get fat. id almost rather be on drugs again. IN the western world its a terrible disabilty.

Its weird isnt it, just a matter of perception really.

clanc. xx

[dotcom]

hello there persis

i think one of the most important things about recovery is that its not easy! in my recovery (ex meth user, although i can relate to your struggles) i try and remember how i was able to keep myself straight in those first few days. then i apply it to today.

slipping backward is dangerous! do you have a sponsor? my sponsor really gives me encouragement (it took a long time to find a good one though). i have really felt the need to share on these forum thingies for the past few days...im having a rough time myself. but these forums are keeping my head above water right now and thats what matters most!!!!

god bless

[Pony]

hobocode, hello there. I am glad you popped in here. That must have been something to really deal with.....especially it being your father. How are you doing now?

Would love to hear your story as well!