help...

[Jodiinhope]

I am not having a good night... I went out to dinner with my parents, who know about my disease.. and I ordered a hlf of sandwich and soup.. I got home and ate watermelon and pickles... now I am craving bread, pasta.. so I purged just to let myself be able to eat more... It is so crazy... I have eight months off drugs and alcohol, and since I have been clean I have really gotten out of control with my eating habits... I am 5'7 157lbs... I used to be a size six and now I am a size 12... Sugar-free popsicles, veggies and fruit can only go so far... I love to read at night before bed, but how do I do that without eating the entire fridge???

[Paulie]

jodinhope -

I understand completely. Our disease manifests it self in many ways. I am clean and sober from drugs and now working on the food issues. I am learning how to identify why I want to eat, when it is not a mean of course. It is stress, habit, emotional. I am a huge emotional eater.

Pick up a journal at night and write about what you are feeling instead of heading towards the fridge. Heck put the journal in the fridge so that when you open the door you see the journal first.

This takes practice. I am doing alot of work around my food issues in my step work/

Just something for you to think about.

We are here, keep talking cause we are listenig, Ipromise.

[Juls]

Hi Jodi, and welcome

I wonder if this is an issue more with women than men. The eating things after getting off drugs. It certainly happened to me. I think part of it was the fact that when using I had little desire for food, then when I got clean food tasted really good to me again and my appetite came back. But then I think it became a kind of substitute for drugs. If I couldn't numb myself with drugs I could do it with food.

Regardless it is still an issue that has to be addressed. It can be very frustrating too. I know for me I felt in the beginning what was the point of getting of drugs if I was going to blow up like a baloon.

I had to learn to deal with myself and my emotions. It takes time, and I'm still working on it.

Juls

[search4innerpea]

I am in need of help, I am in an area where there are very few meetings and people w/ long time abstinence. Many have less than 6 months if even that. I haven't been able to hook up with a sponsor and I need to badly to be directed and guided so that my abstinence is strong. I want this..badly. I even found someone to give my food plan to until I come up with a sponsor. Please make suggestions and say a lil prayer for me.

*Stilll,
Searching4 Inner Peace

[Paulie]

We will give you all the kinds of support here that we can. Have you tried the OA wevsite, I believe they have online sponsors there that are going through the same thing you are.

Keep posting here and talking about how you are feeling.

God Bless!

[PianoGirl]

Jodi,

I understand where you are coming from. Since I stopped drinking it's almost like I gave up one vice for the other. My purging has gotten worse since I stopped. Juls is absolutely right about numbing ourselves with food. I did it with alcohol, and then when I quit that, I had to find something else to use, so food came in pretty handy. I'm still having a hard time understanding why I do it, or what purpose I'm trying to accomplish. It's been harder for me to understand this compared to my drinking habits. Counseling was good for me, and whenever I get some money saved up I want to go back. There's usually a root cause to why we do this, and I think mine stems for issues I have deep down about my weight and self esteem.

I try my best to get my mind on something else whenever I feel the need to purge. Sometimes it's not easy. Especially since we can live without the alcohol, but we can't live without food, right? So, it's harder to use control in that area. I'm thinking of getting a book dealing with eating disorder. Perhaps reading those will offer some insight?

Anyway, I'm hanging in with ya girl! Don't give up. We can get past this thing, just like we did the alcohol. We just need to root out the problem that's causing us to binge. Discovering the problem, then dealing with it. That's what we need to do. Food isn't going to help. Only makes us feel worse. We've got to get that through our heads!!!

Take care,

PG

[search4innerpea]

Piano Girl...wow...you look at it in a positive manner and that is true that we can not live without food. I was just reading that " I keep going to food to meet my basic needs. Food provides fuel for my body-nothing else. My need for emotional and spiritual fuel comes from me. My HP created me with all that I need. With my Hp's help, I will learn how to access the power within me." To me that was a powerful message..My body requires basic nutrition~not that damn Blizzard I am yearning for!! What nutritional value does it have> None besides I am like I child..I want it NOW!! If for a second (not even a moment needed) I can stop.....close my eyes and reach within and ask myself why,..what is it I need?.... and if I can't resolve it I ask my HP for HELP!!!! But, I don't always do this.
Right now I am going through some emotional situation that I use my old ways (occasionally) to comfort Kelly even though it isn't good. Then I say shame shame to myself like I child for messing up as if my mother was in the room and I am 33 years old. Whats a matter with my picture?
Hey, thanks for listening and for all those who continue to post "it's a beautiful thing".

*Kelly

[leanna]

i hate myself for wanting food.i dont have many answers,i hope u find some and that i find some too.

[search4innerpea]

Today I am so struggling to get a hold of myself. I haven't yet jumped off track till now and I don't quite know how to get back on, as if two days caused me to lose faith in Kelly...Why am I so hard on myself? I am a good person with a dis-ease that has affected me all my life. I still look down on me, regardless of how well I do and i expect others to look at me another way. It's almost like dying inside..does anyone else ever feel that way? Sometimes I get tired and I want to give up and i have so much going positive for me...I have friends that say go on with the happiness in life and pursue things as if you were a size 6..and all that s is meant to be will follow. I know peope that love me for who I am..just as I am.....why can't I do that? Truthfully it's harder for me to love me then it would be for another to love me...why are we so hard on ourselves....is the only answer in our upbringing?.. Well...I think I will quite analysing Kelly for tonight and crawl out from her skin and let her rest. Thank everyone again who responds and keeps coming back and sharing in their struggles and triumphants. I am eternally grateful!!

Always searching 4 inner peace,
*Kelly