I want to binge

[Doglover4JC]

I feel so angry and I don't really know why but for some reason I am turning it in on myself and I want to binge right now! I just feel so angry! I hope this isn't inappropriate to write. My emotions are just so strong right now and I feel like boiling up a big pot of pasta and putting real butter on it and garlic and salt and pepper and just bingeing on it and bingeing on it and then throwing it back up. This is really horrible to say and if I am inappropriate please tell me gently so I don't get even madder at myself. I don't know what I did. I know that a lady at the dog park had this dog that kept attacking my dog and she hated when I would pick up my dog to protect it because her dog hated for me to pick up my dog and he would start jumping on me but I had to protect my dog. He is my dog; like a son to me, and I love him so much and I want him to know that I will always protect him. I have to protect my dog, I just have to. He is so little, 12 pounds, and he wasn't doing anything, just smelling the ground. Gosh I feel soooooo angry and I don't know why. I mean, I don't know why my emotions feel stronger than what the situation warrants. I'm just so angry and I want to turn it in on myself.

Doglover4JC

PS I'm sorry if I offended some people. I just am trying to get my anger out instead of eating it.

PSS I think I'm so angry because the people who are supposed to protect you don't. So why do I want to turn it in on myself?

[Pony]

Doglover4JC,

I don't feel that protecting your dog is out of line in any way. He's your pet/friend and of course you want to protect him. If that lasy has a problem with it....it's her issue. Don't make it yours. You are perfectly with in your rights to do whatever it is you have to do for your pet (as long as it is not harmful to others or yourself)

As for wanting to urn it on yourself, well, you obviously know that it is not good to do so other wise you wouldn't be here writing about it. I hope that maybe posting here and expressing your anger helped just a bit. Getting it out in good productive ways can have a positive effect for you. Instead of turning for the food for comfort (as we all do) maybe sit down and just write anything that comes to mind.....doesn't need to make sense, so long as it is about what your feeling and maybe you'll come around to why you feel that way. Another outlet might be to get out and do something physical, such as excerise of some sort....even if it's just walking.

Well I hope that some of this helped. Sorry you had such a bad encounter.

[Doglover4JC]

Thanks Pony for your reply. Actually just writing on this site and expressing my anger helped me release the ijntensity of the emotion and I did not binge at all. I think I went to lay down and then when I got up I ate a few carrots and FF dip and watched tv. This really helped and I am so glad this site is here.

Doglover4JC

[Paulie]

(((Doglover4JC)))

First, yes you protect your dog and if someone has a problem with that just tell them where to go - okay that may not be nice but nobody better pick on our animals!!!

Okay - I am done with that now.

Now you, I am proud of you. You did really good coming here and lettting out yoru anger. I a huge believe in writing whether it is here on in a journal or whatever, you let out and you let it go. You did not have to punish yourself for feelings, we shouldn't do that. We are aloud to feel whatever it is we feel, anger, sadness, whatever.

Good job!!!

[Pony]

Yes, Doglover4JC, You did great. I'm glad that coming here helped you release all that stuff. It is so good to do that, as you know. Keep right on coming back and talk about whatever you need to.

Well done!

[Doglover4JC]

Thanks for the encouragement and for not being offended in the way I just let my anger out here. It really helped because I didn't really know what was going on. I am so glad this place is here.
Doglover4JC

[Tipsy_Rat]

Hey Doglover4jc.... *hugs you*

Damn... i totally know how you feel... it makes me so mad when people dont protect their animals... and your dog sounds so gorgeous!!!! i could just imagine him when you said how much he weighed... aaawwwww!!

Im glad you felt able to express it all here tho... it must have helped... i find that writing when im angry helps... or just scribbling...

As for being open about your eating and wanting to throw it up... hey thats all fine... you dont need to apologise.. its all part of your illness....

Take care hun.

Tipsy_Rat
xxx

[Doglover4JC]

Thanks Tipsy_rat. My dog is very cute.
Expressing my anger on this site helped a lot. But now I am upset, anxious, and bored and want to eat just out of something to do. I do have a few projects I can work on but with my anxiety I can't stick to one thing for very long. I usually want to eat, take pills, or sleep to escape my feelings. Right now I want to do all three.

Doglover4JC

[Pony]

Doglover,

Have you consulted a doctor about your anxiety? I know thay have med's that can help keep some of that under control and help you focus. Just a thought.

Other than that, maybe when you are finding it hard to work on your projects you could get out of the house and do something more physical. anythink to get your mind off the other.

[Doglover4JC]

Yes Pony, I have consulted my doctor about my meds. This anxiety comes on me every now and then and I really can't take antianxiety pills because of their addictive quality. So there's not much I can do except ride it out. I have been going for walks and bike rides like you suggested - something physical.

Doglover4JC

[shellbell]

There is nothing wrong with being angry - anger is good for yourself to a degree. The anxiety you feel comes from wanting to protect that little dog of yours - like you want want protecting yourself, and i suspect this has not happened.

Don't be sorry for being angry - it happens to all of us, and like you i can seek comfort in the pasta/chips/butter side of life, and of course at the end of eating huge amounts of rubbish - we feel guilty not better.

Next time you go to the park - tell the owner of the other dog that youwill kick it's butt!

Let the anger out - and it keeps the rest at bay x

[Jodiinhope]

I think that in both cases you did the right thing.. Animals, especially dogs (in my opinion) are the smartest, most intuitive animals... and sometimes they can't protect themselves.. (unfortunatly..)
As far as the courage it took for you to come here and vent.. that is awsome.. I never had a place to vent (until I learned about this message board stuff) All I can say is that when I get those binge feelings I try to walk, swim, DO ANYTHING that occupies my hands so I can't eat... I don't know, but I can definetly relate to that..

[Pony]

Doglover,
Sorry it has taken me so long to reply but, I think that's great that you are trying to just get away from the tempting items (lol) and do something more constructive. I noticed you haven't posted in a while....I hope things are going well for you. I have been away for a family med. emer. so I have not been here to read things. Please post and let us know how things are going.

Pony