body image and fat eyes

[mxchaos]

Feeling really bad about the way I look and feel. The mirror and scale rule my world. Makes it hard for me to go workout with a wall of mirrors in front of me. I find myself wanting to starve myself.

I don't know who to listen to or trust

Ana is messing with me and I don't know if I can fight her off.

mood mess lately

thanks for listening

[Nina Kay]

Hi mxchaos. It does sound like you really need to get rid of those mirrors and scales. It really sounds like they are doing a real number on you. I hope that you will be willing to do WHATEVER you need to do to recover. Please don't fall for anything that Ana says. She is definitely not your friend. She is a liar and wants you to hurt as much as she does. Run away fast from these enemies that are parading as your truthful friends, before they win over your thinking. Keep coming back here more often and please check out all of the links & info at the top of the page that deal with Ana. Hang in there.

[mxchaos]

working on it

[NewBeginning010]

Be kind to yourself, you deserve it ;-)

[mxchaos]

are still running wild and I can't maintain my weight. not helping the mental side of my life.

[Nina Kay]

Hi mxchaos. I'm so sorry to hear that you're still having such a struggle. I hope you are able to stabilize soon. This does for sure work on you mentally, if you let it. Just please try to remember that You have a choice. You are still in control and are the master of your fate. You can do the healthy thing. Really, you can. Keep coming back here often. We all could use the support from each other. Don't give up.
((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

[mxchaos]

will try but my brain doesn';t always give me a choice

[Nina Kay]

Hey, I do understand. Agreeing to try as you did, is a large step in the right direction. I'm trying too, okay?!

[ScaryStory]

I know exactly how you feel. I have body dysmorphic disorder and what I see in the mirror apparently isn't what everyone else sees. I think I am absolutely huge.

On question regarding this forum. I am new here and I'm sure what I'm allowed to say. Do I have to be in recovery or want to be in recovery to post here?

[Nina Kay]

I want to welcome you, ScaryStory, to the Eating Disorders Forum of Sober Recovery. If you are dealing with an Eating Disorder, then you are very welcome to post here. All of us here have dealt with an eating disorder in our lives in one way or another and we are hear to share our experience, strength and hope with others who are suffering or are recovering and we need others to come here to share with us as well. It's nice to see you here. Please come back as often as possible.

[Thx2HP]

Originally Posted by mxchaos

Ana is messing with me and I don't know if I can fight her off.

Is "Ana" what you name your disease? Mine is Yeah-but. As in "Wow! I've lost 5 lbs! Yeah-but, you have 40 more to go and you'll never get it off."

For the longest time, I've hated Yeah-but. My OA sponsor (back in 2003) said that I was hating a part of myself by hating Yeah-but. She suggested I instead try to think of Yeah-but as an angry child who I've treated badly all these years by how I've eaten and all the things I've done to control my weight (drugs, bingeing, starving, laxatives, verbal abuse, etc.) Now is my opportunity to show her that I can take care of her, so she doesn't have to lash out at me anymore.

My therapist suggested I find a photo of myself as a child that I liked and carry it in my wallet. When I was tempted to act out in ways that would hurt me, looking at the photo would help to remind me that what I do to myself, I'm doing to her. It is a way for me to make amends to myself and my body for all I've put it through over the years.

I can honestly say I've only remembered to do it a few times; but when I did, it worked. Just wanted to share that.