Eating Issues

[lavendae]

Okay, I'm not even sure that I should be posting here, but here it goes...

I always see lots of people posting about OA. I also know a few people in that fellowship. I have always heard them talking about their eating issues, and have had many questions but were too afraid to ask.

I have anorexic/bulmic tendencies. I have always had issues about my weight, and been terrified of gaining weight. In highschool and college it wasn't that much of a problem due to excessive cocaine use, but now that i have been sober for 3 years, i've begun to be worried. I eat when depressed, and usually get so anxious over what i'm eating, how much, and WHY i'm eating, that i have to stop eating because i feel sick.

I have only thrown my food up intentionally twice in two years, but i've been white-knuckling it. I have even stayed away from exercise for fear of overdoing it like i used to.

I always hear about eating disorder support groups, etc... but they always seem to be about overeating. I do the opposite, and need some support and are unsure of where to go. Anybody have any suggesstions or support?

[Pony]

lavendae, thank you for joining us here. You are in the right place. There are many other members here that have discribed having the same issues that you face. Maybe one of them will pop in here and have some suggestions for you. I myself am a overeater and use food as my comfort to get through my stressful times. I have used food most of my life and then drinking and then food agian. So I am very overweight I still sorking on that challange.

I know that there are other programs that deal with other eating disorder issues. I will try to look some up that might deal with your issues. Have you seen a doc. and talk with them? It is always a good idea to seek out professional medical advice in these matters.

Keep checking back here and posting to let us kow how you are doing.

Pony

[Jenn]

Levendea,

I too eat when I am depressed and I on the other hand unfortunatly am bulimic and not fat not skinny and if there was a group for us I would be there in an instant. I have not found one but that does not mean there is not one....

But...

you have found an awsome place to be, support here is awsome...keep reading and posting you are bound to find help in your healing process. (((Hugs))) Jen

P.S. I will look for a group as well.... you have inspired me to do so,.. if I find something I will sure let you know

[lavendae]

Thank you Jenn and pony. its good to know that i am in the right place. i am terrified of asking for help and being told to go away, that its not the right place for me.

I haven't seen a doctor for 3 years about my eating issues, because for the last 3 years they've been mostly psychological. When I got sober, I went to a doctor, and he had put me on a "diet" to help me gain weight (after using cocaine for 4 years, I came into sobriety at 120 lbs and 5'9''). I discovered that I liked food during that time, and didnt have any problems gaining weight. I am now resting at a uncomfortable 150 lbs, and even though my doctor says thats a good weight for me, I privately am dismayed.

Mostly, I'm just unhappy about my body, and scared of slipping. Funny enough, though more than anything else, I worry about the reward/punishment way I use food. I don't eat in order to prove to myself that I am in control, I don't eat because I think I should be punished, or I eat because I think I should be rewarded for something I did, etc., and when I'm depressed, I skyrocket between not eating, and eating whatever tastes good at the moment.

Is this normal behavior?

[Pony]

Lavendea,

No need to be afraid of asking for help around here. That's what we live for.....LOL We "caretakers" love to help others.

As for whether you have normal behavior, that's kind of hard to day. It's not healthy behavior. It sounds to me like you really need to stay seeing a prefessional and work with your self-image. Your medical doc. is the best one to get an idea of what your ideal healthy weight should be, but if you don't believe in him/her because of what you think you see in the mirror then that's where trouble begins. That's what I mean by self-image, what you think you look like and your opinion/feeling about it. Not that your feelings don't count, but that sometimes we learn to have these bad self-image ideas from years of brainwashing from outside influences. When you start to have a more positive outlook about yourself and accept yourself for who you are and not expect to be perfect, then you may have a different opinion of the samething you are seeing in the mirror. Does that make sense? Tell me if it does!

anyway, just take it one day at a time and keep posting here. We're all friends.

Pony

[lavendae]

Pony,

yeah, that kinda makes sense... i know what you mean by a healthy self-image. I know that thats one of my biggest problems. Whether physcial, or emotional, I dont have a healthy self-image.

Things have gotten better since i started to talk about it to my therapist. My doctor says i'm about at a healthy weight, that he's comfortable with me any where from 145-155 lbs. What I hear is that I should be 145 lbs, maximum (and my head says that 145 is overwieght). I know that this is from years of "conditioning". I'm just hoping that i can spend the coming years conditioning myself to a healthy outlook, whatever that is.

But thanks for the support. I feel better knowing that this insnt insane, and that there are other people whose brains play these tricks on them as well.

Laven