Wanted: experiences

[Helz]

Hi guys

Would anyone be willing to share their experiences in how they stopped being bulimic? Any thoughts or suggestions would be welcome.

I am 27 and have been bulimic for about 11 years now. I am also trying to stop drinking at the moment as well so it is a big hill in front of me to climb!

Helz

[Jenn]

Helz,
I am 25 and I, too am bulimic. I have been so for 9 years. I can't tell you how to stop because I haven't found the magic cure but on my thread it was suggested to use breathing excercises and medatation as a form of help. I also am trying to stop drinking...you will find much support here, to make it easier....Take care and anything you find out on your journey please share!!!! Jen

I've found the same solution works for both problems - the 12 steps and the fellowships of Overeaters Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous.

[Magic Rabbit]

Hi Helz

I'd love to know how others have tackled bulimia as well.

I'm 29 and a bulimic alcoholic, sober 5 months. My eating has been calmer but not perfect since I got sober. But the thing that seems to be making a difference is the 12 steps. I don't go to OA but I do go to AA at least once a day and what I've learned there helps. The compulsion lifts more often anyway. I can have a few days of OK eating, no purging, now, which I haven't had in years. I've been bulimic for 11 years, I was anorexic before that, for 2 years. I really don't know what it is, but taking it a day at a time keeps me saner around food. I don't get cravings any more, I know that, it's more of a habit I have. What is bad though is letting myself get too hungry because it's then I often don't make the best food choices, and then I panic which can lead to me eating too much because I know I can get rid of it.

Since I got sober though, I know I look a million times better. I've lost that puffy face thing and I've lost weight, which I didn't really need, but I am happy with how I look at the moment. That, I suppose, keeps me on the right track. I don't want to risk looking like that bulimic mess I was before.

Food... is still a big issue for me. There's lots I don't eat because I'm scared of it. I have only a few safe foods but am trying to expand the range. My main goal is to keep my blood sugar as level as I can because I KNOW that leads to bad eating and I worry it could trigger alcohol cravings as well. It hasn't yet, but I don't want to take chances. So I avoid refined sugar and wheat, pretty much. I certainly don't eat much carbohydrates other than veggies and a little fruit. That's just because I feel more stable and my moods are better if I try to eat more protein... beef, eggs, chicken, yogurt and fish. I should limit my caffeine as well, but that's not happening!

I know this isn't much help to anyone.

I know my bulimia isn't behind me 100% and I doubt I'd ever be so confident to say it was anyway. But I have many more better days than I did before quitting the drink and some I could even say are good. And definitely not many that are disastrous.

Still, progress not perfection, hey.


Nic
x

[Helz]

Thanks Nic

Just to hear other peoples experiences and struggles helps me. It sounds like you are doing really well, well at least well on your way to getting on the right track.

I'm hoping that not drinking will help the bulimia also (I'm only onto day three so I envy the time you've got). I don't really have to purge to be bulimic, just eating anything can sometimes be all I need.

Protein could be a good start I think because you can eat a little and it keeps you full for quite a while.

You actually lost weight when you improved? That's great. Do you think it is from not drinking or from actually eating healthy or probably a combination of the both?

I think you're doing great - keep up the good work! I'm trying but I'm really concentrating on the booze more at the moment and hoping things will fall into place a bit after that is gone.

Love Helen

[Magic Rabbit]

Hi Helen

Sounds like you're on the right road, too. Willingness to change is a huge step to take and you have to start somewhere.

I really like the first bit on the Just For Today card...

Just for today I will try to live through this day only and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

This helps me to remember that it IS just a 24 hour programme and that if I can make a little change today and then again tomorrow... eventually, God willing, my life will improve as the little changes build on each other.

Just for today I haven't picked up a drink. I cannot tackle the whole of my alcoholism today but I can do this one simple thing. And just for today, I have tried to keep my eating as healthy and on track as I can. I haven't done terribly well, but that fact hasn't had me devastated and convinced that my bulimia is something that will never improve. Since I've been in recovery, I've built up quite a few days that I never did before that prove to me that I can change. Solving my bulimia problem won't happen overnight, just as developing the problem didn't happen overnight. But I am sure that my good days will mount up and my bad days will get fewer. If I remember that change isn't so scary and the fact that I DO feel so very much better and stronger when I've been able to do the next right thing.

Originally posted by Helz

You actually lost weight when you improved? That's great. Do you think it is from not drinking or from actually eating healthy or probably a combination of the both?

I don't know. My weight has been a little erratic really. It's not at any extreme, at all though. And I can live, quite happily, at either end of my personal spectrum. While I was drinking, I was a steady 128-132lb at 5'4". That's where I was when I entered rehab. Giving up alcohol made a difference because of not being puffy-faced. Bodily, I didn't notice a great difference, but after about a month in rehab, I realised I'd lost weight because I could fit in some 'skinny' clothes I'd taken in, in the hope that I'd be 'cured' of all that, too! I was about 124lb when I left, after 6 weeks. My eating, when in there, wasn't great. Obviously, I didn't get a chance to stockpile food of my own but the food was great and I was encouraged to eat as much as I wanted. So I did. And, of course, my instinct to employ some damage limitation kicked in as soon as it could. Which was once I'd detoxed and stopped taking any meds (I didn't want to risk losing any of the mind-altering substances that were keeping my pain at bay).

Since being home, I slowly gained the weight back because my bulimia went a bit mental the first few weeks out... the freedom of being on my own kind of took over and it was the only 'coping mechanism' (sick though it is) that I was allowed to use. I couldn't drink and I was coming to terms with that and being home, in the place that held painful memories, both regarding drink and some other stuff that went on last year... I was stressed to be there and without my beloved alcohol to take the edge off my pain. So, I was not very well in bulimic terms for about 4 weeks. What changed was getting involved, properly, in AA. Getting a sponsor, making friends, establishing IT as my coping mechanism. Gradually, I found myself having less time and inclination to be bulimic. Along with that, I was finding I had more strength with which to fight, and the recognition that THIS could not carry on. If I was going to be clean from alcohol, recovered, then I wanted to be clean from all compulsive, abusive relations with food. Recovered in all senses. I felt that I was deceiving both myself and others if I was carrying on, secretly, with this behaviour when publicly declaring myself to be in recovery. It didn't detract from the fact that I AM in recovery from alcoholism, but I still felt not right to be still abusing food as a mood-altering substance and relying on the purging behaviour as a mood-altering behaviour.

I don't fight very hard though. But I am finding that the inclination has gone a lot and only a tiny bit of fight is enough for me to avoid a behaviour. It doesn't take a lot of mental energy because I don't have it to spare yet and I'd rather be bulimic and sober than non-bulimic and drunk. My efforts are going into keeping me sober, because if I don't have my sobriety I have nothing.

My weight fell again, a few weeks ago I noticed I was thinner. Couldn't really understand why I was suddenly past my previous low weight. I'm now 118lb. It's OK because at my height it's healthy. I worry, strangely, over the risk of letting myself get thinner because I fear the obsession THERE will kick back in and I couldn't bear to be anorexic or fearful of my weight again because that makes me lose my mind as well. I think I lost weight because I've been very, very anxious recently and that made me lose my appetite. As long as I keep an eye on myself and force myself to eat a decent amount of my safe foods, I think I'll be OK.

I'm really concentrating on the booze more at the moment and hoping things will fall into place a bit after that is gone.

That's a good view to take. You can't tackle everything at once. I was encouraged to stop worrying about my eating disorder until I was more settled in sobriety. Because alcohol was the substance that was killing me and killing me quickly. Certainly it was ruining my life. I needed to be free of the drug. The eating disorder was, of course, doing damage as well, but it wasn't making me crazy, it wasn't losing me jobs and relationships and I didn't feel any major health problems. They existed and do exist, but they were not demanding urgent attention, as the ones caused by alcohol were.

However, don't be certain that your bulimia will magically disappear once you're sober and comfortable in sobriety. The compulsion that i felt for many years has ebbed away quite significantly, but it hasn't gone and I am always vulnerable to slipping in that way. I'd be kidding myself if I thought I was cured. I'm not.... but compared to how it was years ago, it's not a problem. And it hasn't affected my recovery from alcoholism, but I know it isn't helping, because I feel a certain amount of stress because of knowing that I do not always do the next right thing. But I think about what the next right thing is MUCH more than I did before and I can resist my compulsion sometimes. To me, that's a great difference and it definitely contributes to the 100% improved quality of life I have today.

Fingers crossed you're having a good day, too...


love
Nic
x

[Helz]

Nic

Thank you so much for your words, they mean a lot to me because I can relate to so much of what you are saying. A lot of the time it could be stuff that I am thinking myself.

I'm glad that you are winning your battle with alcoholism! That is a fantastic first step and you are doing really well.

I also feel that bulimia is not as bad because it is not harming my job, friends, family or relationships, it is only hurting me. However compared to alcohol I feel it is the least of my worries. I am not really trying very hard with it at the moment still because I am concentrating so much on AA and not drinking, I am only up to day six so far and I know I've got a long way to go before it gets easier.

I don't really have a plan in place for the bulimia yet but I'm hoping that when one battle has been fought I will be wanting to fight the next one. I also feel that if I'm in recovery that I should be in TOTAL recovery - as in not hurting myself in the bulimic way either.

Thank you so much for your words and support, I am very appreciative.

Love Helen

[search4innerpea]

Hello.. Im new to OA recovery less than a month. I have experienced recovery early in my life but not for compulsive eating disorder. I've read many of the messages stated her and I find many helpful and I am grateful. I was curious to find out ..has anyone had problems finding a sponsor? I am struggling with this , maybe because my locality doesnt hold many meetings. I know what I am looking for. Lately, i have a friend in the program that I share my food plan with, so that I feel like I am being honest to myself. Also, I am curious of specific foods that trigger you. I've been at both ends of the spectrum bulimic and compulsive overeater~ for the last 10 it's been the 2nd of the two. Why does life have to be so difficult~ besides lessons~ why else? Thanks for listening..bless you all!
In love & light,
*Kelly