Kinda a newbie: Binge Eating Disorder

[Rohwen]

Hi,

I am a 20 year old college student with a binge eating disorder. As a type one diabetic I have had an odd relationship with food my entire life and have seen myself slipping into this since I was 16. Upon moving out to go to college things really picked up. I joined this forum a year ago and quickly quite. When things kept escalating this year I finally decided to get some help. I have told my parents who are super supportive and I saw a therapist (who didn't much help). While I may have had some rough times that led me here, I feel like as an overall person, I don't have a tendency to be depressed or low (though I admit to never handling stress well). While I feel I have triumphed over the hard times, I feel like I have gotten into such a nasty cycle I just can't get out, more of a vicious habit. I know I have to fix this because, I don't have the self-esteem to do all the things in life I want to do, my diabetes is hard to control while I am binging, and I feel like this is messing with my success in school. I am a premed student and I know I have the ability to achieve my goals, but when I am so caught up in my addiction, I can't focus and my grades are suffering. I am very active between work, school, my horse, my friends, and running and I know a lot about how to eat healthy, it’s just a matter of doing it. How do I break this cycle?

My family is a long ways away and while I know I did the right thing by telling them, I can't seem to really let them in on the total picture. I am ashamed and embarrassed and can't tell them the complete picture of how I feel. I don't think they realize how much this is affecting me. I feel like this is something I need help with and can't do alone. My mom has offered to help; so far I have been trying to simply email her every night telling her what I have eaten. This only adds to the shame as I find myself lying, something I have never done before and feel horrible for doing. Part of me almost wants to take some time off school to fix this, if I could just break the cycle maybe, go home and be around people who know that I have a problem and will help keep me "clean". The therapist said it takes but 30 days to start a new habit. While I am sure this is something I will have to constantly fight, I feel like if I could just make it for a while, start down a good path, I could definitely get this to a manageable point. Then again, is this only another thought of an attempt that I am sure to fail, or am I onto a bright idea?

Thoughts of you who have been through this before and won, do you have ideas on my situation. Any pointers at ways to stop the cycle?

[roxiestone]

First let me say welcome and I certainly understand what you are going through.

Not all therapists are equipped to deal with eating disorders. You might try to find another one who is more helpful. Could you find one through your college? I do believe that BED is perhaps the most misunderstood of the EDs.

I wish I had more good things to say, but I just wanted to stress to you that you are not alone. We understand your issues and want you to get the help you need.

I don't know enough about the combinations of diabetes and ED to even offer what has helped me in the past - I wouldn't want to say anything that further harmed your health.

Hugs and peace.

[girlontherocks]

Hi,

ok so I totally relate to you.
I have had problems with food since I was a child. I used crystal meth to stay slim and it brought me to my knees and I got off drugs. Then in recovery I discovereed bulimia, which led to dieting, which led to binging which led back to bulimia to dieting etc etc etc and I have been binging almost every night for the past year. Sometimes I stop and it feels like I'm free.

The most painful part is that I feel like I'm losing everything too: school, boyfriends, friends, myself............... I look at myself in the mirror and dont even recognize myself. I dont know what it is going to take for me to stop. and it has to stop. it hurts.

[Nina Kay]

Hello Rohwen & girlontherocks. I also just want to say Welcome to the Eating Disorders Forum.

Rowhen, reading your post made me feel like your diabetes may have alot to do with your BED. Maybe you will do alot better after you get your food intake balanced healthily, partly because your diabetes throws off your entire body chemistry. I would think that you would need to do some work first on acceptance of your diabetes and the restrictions that it causes you to have and to feel. At least this is how I would think that it would affect me if I had diabetes.

I would suggest that you do alot of research on diabetes and find a counselor that deals with diabetes. It would probably be beneficial to do an indepth research on healthy eating for diabetics, the pros & cons. The actual causes and effects of diabetes and how foods affect your health, if you eat wrong or if you eat right. Maybe I'm all off trach here, but it sounds like alot of understanding & knowledge of your disease and the affects of what you eat, will help you to feel like you are still free to live a full life, even with diabetes.

[Nina Kay]

girlontherocks, I'm glad that you've found us here. It does sound like you are alternating anorexic/bulimic. There is alot of information in the Stickies at the top of this page and their are also links to more sites & information dealing with these eating disorders. I really feel that you should talk to your Dr. about these eating disorders so that you can get the help that you need as soon as possible. These are progressive diseases, so you need to seek help before you getting any worse.

I do hope that you'll keep coming back here often to talk to all of us. There are several people here that deal with these eating disorders personally. Please keep reading all of the threads here, even the past ones, as there is alot to learn from others that have personally dealt with what you are dealing with.