Need to be hear

[Biscuits]

Hi everyone

I haven't been here in such a long time and i have missed it but at the same time i have needed time to go through what HP feels i need to go through. Emotionally i am wrecked, there has been alot of upset within my family and i have felt very low and sometimes just clinging onto my program rather than working it.

Although i have not binged i have on occasion been bulimic due to not sticking to my food plan. My food has been up and down although i have not turned back to the compulsive behaviour around it i have not eaten healthily at times, wanting to rebel and seek comfort in foods that once filled the void in my life. I know that this is a slippery road to relapse and feel that if i don't seek help then i may lose it altogether.

I am at the moment struggling to stay within the OA rooms as i feel there is no guidance for me, our meetings are very small with very few long time abstainers. I know there is nowhere else to go but i don't get from it what i used to, i used to love being at meetings and giving service but right now i am struggling to keep the enthusiasm i once had.

Anyhow i just wanted to make contact and reach out, i will check in later when i have more time as i am going back to work today after the long summer break.

[Pony]

Glad to see you check in. Sorry things have not been good for you.

As for the OA meetings.... is there any other meetings you could check out? Maybe there is another one that has better recovery. anyway, don't give up....

I, too, have been having alot of family challanges and some other stresses that have me turning to food to deal. It's what we do....and it is hard not to use food. We can't just do without it. All we can do is to keep working at it.

[Biscuits]

Thanks for the reply Pony, i only wish there were other OA meetings i could get to but unfortunately where i live there are only 4 meetings i could get to in the week and the one i attend is the strongest. I find that when i attend other meetings i normally get asked to share my story of recovery and this kind of puts me off from going to other meetings.

Things have been tough at home over tha last few months and it has been hard to focus on my program or OA as i have been caught up in the fear of everything that has been happening. My marriage has been going through a real rough ride lately and although there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel the fear it created in me was immense. That said i have learnt alot from the experience and know that i am strong enough to cope with whatever my HP has planned for me. I am stronger than i give myself credit for and can do anything one day at a time.

I was glad to get back to work today as i feel the 6 weeks away from work did not help the situation as my days lacked structure and so did my food, my life is so much better when there is structure to it and i find it easier to do a food plan as i know where i am going to be to eat and what time i am going to eat. I have decided to start a food plan thread as i feel right now i need to be accountable to others about my food choices(no hiding or secrecy), planning my food has always worked so well for me in the past as it stops the indecision around what i am going to eat and stops the cupboard hopping in the kitchen at food times.

It is always good to come back here as i have always felt supported and enjoy reading and responding to what others have posted.

[Pony]

Structure...yeah, I think it is important to us as addicts to have that...I think sometimes it satifies that feeling of control over our lives that we crave. A food plan would be a great start to getting back on that track again.

We are here for you and glad that you have come back.