Bulimic... but a disorder?

[GINVU4RANDOM]

The title of this thread probably makes me look like I'm in denial. I'm classic bulimic as in I binge eat, throw up on average every other day for a few months, then I eat virtually nothing for a few months and lose loads of weight then I start eating again, put on weight, so start making myself sick again. This cycle has been going on since I guesS I was about 12, so 10 years or so.

I'm 23, 5ft 6, 9/9.5 stone (about 55-60kg) at the moment. In my none eating stages I go down to about 8.5 stone. So I'm not underweight.

The thing is, although all the information I have read has obviously told me that this is builimia. But I dont do it cause I feel out of control with my life like alot of people with eating disorders do. I don't think I'm fat (sure I love losing weight, but I have never thought I am fat, I'm size 8 (America size 4?)) I also have never had any of the pyhsical effects (rotting teeth, sore knuckles, bad skin etc) and I don't really 'emotionally eat'

I just love food! I love chocolate, biscuits, burgers, big roast dinners, thai, all the bad stuff so I make myself sick so I don't get big. I don't have an off switch!

Although I don't see it as a big problem, like a lot of people with eating disorders when it takes over your life and controls you, it doesn't with me. Its just something I do, something I have always done so I can eat what I like and stay slim. Although in the past there has been periods of time when it has got bad and I have occasionally wish I could stop eating altogether, I know thats bad, but sometimes I wish I could get really really skinny. I know its really not attractive etc but sometimes I just wish I could.

I wanted to see if anyone could help me, I don't know, I guess sometimes its good to get things off your chest. Is this how others feels, like its not a problem?

I'm addicted to cocaine so am battling that at the moment, I think I have an addictive personality, so is it possible to be actually addicted to food?

Just any thoughts really....

[roxiestone]

Welcome - I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone, but will relate my experiences with disorded eating. I found that over the years I moved through the whole range of identified behaviors - anorexic behaviors, bulimic, binge and now battle with compulsive eating.

I don't know about being addicted to food, but I do think that it is possible to crave whatever soothing/comfort/control that disordered eating brings. For me, it was always a way to not "feel" whatever I was feeling at that time, thus disordered eating, or using food inappropriately.

[Done_With_It]

Eating disorders are not about what your eating they are about what is eating you.
Usually people who 'love food' enough to binge on it are looking to fill up a whole that is missing inside.
There is something going on with you that the food fills up for a little bit anyway, just like the cocaine does, for a minute.

Why do you think you like the 'bad stuff'.

Although I don't see it as a big problem,

If you really didn't see it as a problem, then do you think you would be posting about it?

In time, it will turn into a much worse problem, it always does.

Welcome to SR!!

[dave47]

Hello GINVU4RANDOM, that names a mouthful so you came to the right place.
Don't really know anything but just want to say welcome to SR, best wishes.

[Done_With_It]

I forgot to mention there's a great website that also may help with some of your questions called, Eating Disorders | Anorexia | Bulimia | Binge Eating Disorder | Compulsive Overeating | The Something Fishy Website on Eating Disorders
best one on the net that I've ever found for ED's.

[splendra]

Originally Posted by GINVU4RANDOM

so is it possible to be actually addicted to food?

Oh but of course! Any activity, behavior, or something you put into your body can become an addiction.

[Done_With_It]

I'm classic bulimic as in I binge eat, throw up on average every other day for a few months, then I eat virtually nothing for a few months and lose loads of weight then I start eating again, put on weight, so start making myself sick again.

One other thing I was thinking about is how you mentioned you don't have the classic symptoms of tooth loss, etc. although those can sometimes takes years to show up.
The things that you are doing to your body, the vomitting every other day, etc. can cause electrolyte imbalance and that is how many bulimics end up dying. You also may be damaging your heart, and you don't know what you are doing to your esophagus, there is no warning before it ruptures.
I'm not trying to be mean or grose, freak you out, and I'm defiantly not judging you, I've done much worse for years. The thing with eating disorders especially bulimia is you can't always "See" the damage until it is too late. There are girls who die after doing it for two months, then there are Professors who die at 55 years old. You just don't know.

I would at least suggest if you are going to keep doing this to at least get a check up done. I think that if this 'really' wasn't bothering you, like I said before you wouldn't be posting about it. But that's just my opinion, nothing more, nothing less.
I hope you do decide to explore this further, I know that bulimia is hell, and if it has not brought you to the depths of it, it can. Like everything else it is progressive.
You don't have to live throwing up every couple of months, there is a better way...
:ghug2

[LoveMeDead]

Well Hi GINVU4RANDOM! i believe food is addicting, i have been addicted to it my whole life, and i hate it. But you need it. Bulimia is a terrible disorder, and i wish you all the luck in the world with your recovery from that, and from the cocaine. I myself have been to rehab for cocaine, and it is a VERY hard drug to quit. i wish you all the luck in the world, and if you ever need to talk to someone, we are all here to help.

[TinyDancer82]

Well, this is how it all begins. That is TOTALLY how I started as well. Just throwing up if I eat too much, or eat something high in calories. I never dropped too skinny, just stayed normal and right. I really didn't lose much weight at all, just became a weight controlling mechanism..... Then the years go by....

and you pick up a coke addiction in college (which it looks like you already have)

and you start restricting MORE

and then you drop out of school

your parents stop sending you "fun money"

you cant buy coke anymore and start binge drinking instead, or smoking weed

you start gaining weight

you start purging again....

and the cycle continues - it has its tangents, but it manifests its way into your life and weaves in to all your relationships, goals, activities, IT BECOMES YOUR LIFE AND YOUR BEST AND ONLY FRIEND AND YOUR ONLY COPING MECHANISM

it starts out very harmless - why not? everyone's doing it? I am not underweight, no one even knows....

thats the scary thing about bulimia, by the time its really discovered it is a difficult disease to tackle - you are actually LUCKY you are finding this habit disturbing NOW, you can get some help and not have it effect EVERY MEAL OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

I have been in recovery for about 8 years now. My ED haunts me at every meal time, everytime I walk down the ice cream aisle, everytime I drive by a McDonalds.... Stop it NOW

I am not trying to be a jokester or even make light of this. It is serious - get help. You ARE bulimic.