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06-28-2008, 09:12 AM
| #276 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 10,122
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well...today will be interesting...my OS triggers are likely to be around. but i am aware of it more deeply this time...so we'll see....yep, sweets won't fill that empty hole for me not even a little....it's more like self destruction impulse out of my hatred of my self and how I feel....so i will try to just let those thoughts float in an out of my head without latching on to them...they are just very temporary thoughts! hope all of you are ok...gotta take my cold bath since i have not hot water.... |
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06-28-2008, 12:27 PM
| #277 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: trail of discovery
Posts: 2,390
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Hey all, I have had a very long week and haven't really posted here, but I have been checking in and reading some. I will need you to start me over, but after the weekend. I will begin again on Monday. Getting through this beginning part has been a challange. Before I know it, I have had a bite of something and there goes the day. Well, I will keep going... I know I have done it before, it's just been harder getting over this part.
__________________ "Failure is an EVENT, it is not a person – yesterday really did end last night, and today is your brand new day..." .........unknown  The sun always rises, and a new day begins.  |
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06-28-2008, 01:56 PM
| #278 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: England
Posts: 1,675
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As of June 27th: CALI -132 MIKE -47 JACK -20 ANANDA -6 ODAAT -4 ROXIE -2 PONY DAVE On hiatus: BARB DWYER GOLDIE NINA
__________________ Into each life some rain must fall,some days be dark and dreary. The Difficult is that which can be done immediately;the Impossible that which takes a little longer. |
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06-28-2008, 02:05 PM
| #279 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: England
Posts: 1,675
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Had a bit of a tough old week this week. I have been working some crazy hours either side of coming home ill Tuesday night and staying off Wednesday as well. I still put in nearly 80 hours but am off now until tomorrow night. I have been out on the bike a few times as well, and with only getting a few hours sleep I know I need to take more care. My wife and daughter are doing a charity run tomorrow so I will go and cheer them on and then work out how we are going to deal with our finances. Steps are in place we just need to get it sorted out. It seems any time I want to get on the computer the kids have school projects to do which seem to take ages, so getting on here isn't easy. Good to hear from you all, have a good Saturday evening.
__________________ Into each life some rain must fall,some days be dark and dreary. The Difficult is that which can be done immediately;the Impossible that which takes a little longer. |
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06-28-2008, 05:16 PM
| #280 (permalink) |
| came-came to-came to believe  Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: east coast
Posts: 1,005
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over all aI am doing much better with "life" but today I am just sad...and that's ok. I know it won't last but I don't push it away now-I just sorta sit through it but if it seems like it's not ending or I am "wallowing" in it, then I know I have to move a muscle.. Hey I haven't walked in a couple of days---no wonder!! I will absolutely walk tomorrow. I am meeting with my sister in the morning-she is helping me compile some materials I need to complete a long awaited task I've been putting off for way too long. My reunion is in 2 weeks...I feel so bloated and awful today....I have been eating very well it's like my head trips on me...cause I feel like I just want to have something--ONE THING a tiny bit sweet.......but I won't. My sponsor leaves for Paris Monday for 30 days..I think I am surprisingly a tad depressed over that. We met this morning for coffee with some other women...they all ate yummy things but I had coffee. thanks for being here guys-have a good night.
__________________ I've let go of what I was, I accept myself for who I am today- I continue to become who I am meant to be! |
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06-29-2008, 08:59 AM
| #282 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: England
Posts: 1,675
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As of June 28th: CALI -133 MIKE -48 JACK -21 ANANDA -7 ODAAT -5 ROXIE -3 PONY DAVE On hiatus: BARB DWYER GOLDIE NINA
__________________ Into each life some rain must fall,some days be dark and dreary. The Difficult is that which can be done immediately;the Impossible that which takes a little longer. |
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06-29-2008, 05:19 PM
| #283 (permalink) |
| came-came to-came to believe Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: east coast
Posts: 1,005
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I walked today even though it was very hot--my sister helped me finish something I have been wanting to do for a long time. We walked down to the beach from her house-it's so nice there. I feel a sense of accomplishment that really gives me reason to believe that I am moving on! Another good day with food-it's amazing...but I see that night time is my hard time.... I will go brush my teeth after this coffee then I won't want to eat anything else! Good night all 
__________________ I've let go of what I was, I accept myself for who I am today- I continue to become who I am meant to be! |
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06-29-2008, 06:58 PM
| #284 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 10,122
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well.....made it so far I am really craving sweets today...so it's been extra tough. I really hope tomarrow will be better. In trying to resolve an issue and get some ability to move on, i have opened up a can of worms and am now on a real rollacoster of emotion. But I know that I have tried my very best to deal with my feelings and this situation the very best I know how. The sugar will only make me feel worse and won't solve anything. it's strange cause if just feels like i really NEED the sugar and it isn't true. I know I'm not suppose to project, but I just think at least the next week will now be tough and maybe even the week after that. Sorry you guys get the worst of me. It sounds like Dave and Cali are not having the best of times right now....but all of you are inspiring me cause you just hang in there consistantly and often share stuff that makes my heart light. I'll check in tomarrow.:ghug |
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06-29-2008, 09:39 PM
| #285 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: England
Posts: 1,675
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Nipped home from work for a little while and I will update the count, even though it is a bit early for most of you. By the time I get a chance again it will be late tomorrow evening, so no time like the present. Had a busy day yesterday, I got some exercise very early and was home by 7am. My boy had a class so we dropped him off there and then went to the park with the dog. My wife and daughter took part in a womens charity run for cancer and they did brilliantly. After, we went out for a meal with one of my brothers and his crowd and by the time a few other things had been sorted out, I had to get a few hours sleep before work. Thanks for your words Ananda, I hope you get what you want from the issue you are dealing with. Well done with the walking Cali and with the progress you are making.Hope you knock them dead at the reunion. I had a letter through a couple of years ago about a school reunion. I thought about it for a while but decided against. It was awkward to get to and even after all these years there were classmates I didn't get on with and had no interest in meeting. Hope everything is okay Jack, best wishes all. Had a warning shot the other day but didn't give in. Not been tempted by OS for ages now but I walked past a stall the other day which was making creamy fudge. The smell of it, my word- I kept walking fast!
__________________ Into each life some rain must fall,some days be dark and dreary. The Difficult is that which can be done immediately;the Impossible that which takes a little longer. |
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06-29-2008, 09:42 PM
| #286 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: England
Posts: 1,675
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As of June 29th: CALI -134 MIKE -49( how are you doing ?) JACK -22 ANANDA -8 ODAAT -6 ROXIE -4 PONY DAVE On hiatus: BARB DWYER GOLDIE NINA
__________________ Into each life some rain must fall,some days be dark and dreary. The Difficult is that which can be done immediately;the Impossible that which takes a little longer. |
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06-30-2008, 03:33 AM
| #287 (permalink) |
| came-came to-came to believe Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: east coast
Posts: 1,005
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Ananda-you are doing great. like you said, just hang in there and it will pass. I have come to look at sugar like I do the drink or a cigg. If I "run" to alcohol-nicotine-food-or....(I am sure this list goes on and on) than I am avoiding/prolonging the opportunity for growth that lies before me. (sounds really warm and Puffy doesn't it??grrrr.......) but it's really true for me...I even had to give up coffee for a while becasue one reason was I found myself running to it--like I "have to have more"...I am a total addict lol I hope the weather holds out because I really want to walk today. I will remember today (at work especially) that I can only do what I can do-and I am only one person. I pray to stay emotionally sober today-with food too!
__________________ I've let go of what I was, I accept myself for who I am today- I continue to become who I am meant to be! |
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06-30-2008, 07:46 AM
| #288 (permalink) |
| Rockin 'n' rollin' everyday Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Midwest
Posts: 976
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I stubbed my fingers again...and deleted a couple hundred words that were important to me.. Regardless, put me back to Day 1 is today, please Dave. I am peeling back the onion, and finding some stuff inside me that needs to be worked on...and I am very confused about it...I am very confused about it....I am very confused about it |
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06-30-2008, 11:10 AM
| #289 (permalink) |
| Rockin 'n' rollin' everyday Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Midwest
Posts: 976
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I have got to laugh at myself...I was just in a 12-step recovery glossary...and saw ODAAT...with the definition being One Day At A Time....I had not connected the dots with ODAAT until just now. I think I need to return to 12 Step Kindergarten and start again.
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06-30-2008, 11:32 AM
| #290 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 398
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I'm leaving for a weeks vacation in the wee hours and I've just found out that I'm walking into a hornet's nest. I'm still feeling very, very fragile, but I will do my best to make this a "fish and fruit and exercise" vacation no matter what else is going on. I must continue to keep my health and wellness a priority. I can't help anyone if I'm not in good shape myself.
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06-30-2008, 11:36 AM
| #291 (permalink) | ||
| came-came to-came to believe Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: east coast
Posts: 1,005
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yes Rox-I have to remind myself of this too! Quote:
Quote:
__________________ I've let go of what I was, I accept myself for who I am today- I continue to become who I am meant to be! | ||
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07-01-2008, 04:03 AM
| #292 (permalink) |
| came-came to-came to believe Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: east coast
Posts: 1,005
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Today is going to be a Great day! There is nothing inparticular going on howveer I am simple expecting a nice day and wishing you all the same!!!!
__________________ I've let go of what I was, I accept myself for who I am today- I continue to become who I am meant to be! |
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07-01-2008, 06:48 AM
| #293 (permalink) |
| Rockin 'n' rollin' everyday Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Midwest
Posts: 976
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I have many tools that I have learned to used to help me be sober in my recovery. One of the most important daily ones is coming here and being honest. Others are meetings...and I go to another 12 step meeting in Chicago on Tuesdays at noon. I have a lead to give in a couple weeks to give there..in an area I haven't done before. I am getting readiy for it...and it would be nice if I showed up with a little sobrity under my belt. Take care all. |
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07-01-2008, 12:13 PM
| #294 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: England
Posts: 1,675
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As of June 30th: CALI -135 MIKE -50 CONGRATULATIONS ANANDA -9 ODAAT -7 ROXIE -5 JACK -1 PONY -working on 1 DAVE On hiatus: BARB DWYER GOLDIE NINA Best wishes all.
__________________ Into each life some rain must fall,some days be dark and dreary. The Difficult is that which can be done immediately;the Impossible that which takes a little longer. |
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07-01-2008, 11:57 PM
| #297 (permalink) |
| Rockin 'n' rollin' everyday Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Midwest
Posts: 976
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congrats on your good time...I can't sleep..had a diet coke at a boy scout meeting...keeping me up...stayed sober in all areas today...wanted to cave in...nearly did...wish I could sleep with a clear conscious...I have a clear conscious...but I am not asleep...take care all.
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07-02-2008, 06:31 AM
| #299 (permalink) |
| Rockin 'n' rollin' everyday Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Midwest
Posts: 976
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Just in from the AM workout...maybe 4 hours sleep...had a big T in Hungry Angry Lonely Tired...but I feel energized now. I feel good about my OS recovery...while I haven't had the long stretch of OS free days I would like...I certainly feel like I have changed my ways...like Dave...candy bar machines were like magnets for my money...trays of candy at offices I made sales calls on held my attention over who I was calling on...boxes of donuts or sweetrolls out for the employees' taking had me take 1 or 2 or 3 of theirs...the frozen macadamea nut cookie dough pails I would buy and consume...Ughhhhh. I have changed to an occassional OS binge. Whoops...when I read that, the phrase does not look like it represents sobriety. Binging is not acting sober. Maybe it is better siad is I have shown I can snitch an occassional OS and go back to a pattern of abstainance for a while. Maybe like an occassional cig...Today, I am grateful that I have changed for the better. Progress, not perfection. Progress, not perfection. Progress, not perfection. Thank you for being here. Take care all. |
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07-02-2008, 10:41 AM
| #300 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: trail of discovery
Posts: 2,390
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reset .. reset .. reset Having trouble with staying away frm the OS.... reset
__________________ "Failure is an EVENT, it is not a person – yesterday really did end last night, and today is your brand new day..." .........unknown The sun always rises, and a new day begins. |
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