OA - what am I doing wrong?

[odaat]

Just back from my second OA meeting, and I'm left feeling just as desperate as I was after the first one.

I've been in AA for 10 months or so, and I love it. Its absolutely incredible - I'm given so much love, support and friendship.

I don't feel welcome in OA at all. I do get identification with most of the members, but I don't feel any love. I didn't feel welcome, I was just left standing on my own crying at the end of the meeting. I asked someone how I get some numbers, but she said I should have looked in the book for some. I explained that I didn't know what the book was, and she just shrugged.

What am I doing wrong? I'm trying to be friendly and open and let people know that I'm new and need help, but I just don't seem to be getting anywhere.

Any ideas>?

[sugarssweetpea]

In my personal opinion, I do not think that YOU are the one doing anything wrong. I have a tendency to believe that it is the people in that particular meeting that were not very friendly. We also do not know what they are going through at this time. Sometimes hard to put our own feelings aside to help someone else. I would not give up. Maybe try that meeting a couple more times. Maybe they will open up more to you after seeing you a few more times, if it still does not change, I would suggest trying a different meeting.

Celebrate recovery is also a good program. They start out with everyone in a large group, then break into small groups, either by just men/women or by category of what struggle you are facing at the moment. both ways men & women are separated, but how many small groups depends on the size of the meeting.

[Done-With-It]

I've been in AA for 10 months or so, and I love it. Its absolutely incredible - I'm given so much love, support and friendship

.

Just my personal opinion.

But ed's are tough. (not that alcohol and drugs aren't) They are addiction, but they aren't the same as alcohol are drugs.

They are different, a whole different beast. Women are going to have different walls up.
I've battled with one my whole life. I would say like SSP said, keep going to meeting until you find one you like. You will find one with with helpful women, it just may take longer. Lots of walls up with EDS I think.. Lots of attitude.
Don't give up.

[smiling jack]

Hi Odaat - My opinion is to say to the others at the next OA meeting what you just wrote.

If it is a topic meeting, I would suggest acceptance as a topic. Acceptance of newcomers, specificly....and let your feelings be known. 12-step programs rely on helping each other. Newcomers are particularly in need of feeling welcomed and accepted for who we are. Those who work the program need to share their experience, strength and hope....not withhold it.

How should newcomers be welcomed? By regulars saying, "Keep coming back." "The program worKs" Perhaps it was just a bad day for some...and the negativity just effected the others. Good luck, Odaat. You deserve dignity and respect.

[cali]

odaat-
when I walked into my first oa meeting no one said a word to me....I was early and at first there were only two people in the room...they spoke to eachother but didn't say anything to me......I was going to get up and walk out but I stayed.....in those moments in my head I thought of a couple of things....

1. I know the way I am feeling on the inside doesn't always match my demeanor and body language on the outside. What I mean by that is someone once told me this after she learned how I really felt on the inside, that I wanted her help-she said I put off the aura of "don't come any closer" as much as I wanted her to approach me and help me

2. I could have said hello first

*this is only what was going on in my mind in my experience...I am trying so hard to change these things about me. To make a long story short after the meeting I talked to a few gals that were very nice. Try it again ar try a different meeting.
Either way you can't lose

ps I like what everyone has offered here-great stuff

[Pony]

Odaat,

It is good to see you back here.....you hae been missed. but I am sorry that you are having so much trouble after doing so well for so long. It is an ongoing learning and growing process we have with food recovery.

As far as that OA meeting.....WOW, I am sorry that you had such a neg. experience. that makes me sad to hear the way they responded to you as a newcomer. Jack has a point, amybe they need just a little reminder of the importance of the newcomer and how they made you feel, even if you don't stay going to that meeting in the future. I was going to suggest that you find another meeting until I read about how long it has taken you to find this one and how far you have to go to get to it. But, maybe there s another one in another direction...... please don't give up. There must be a meeting somewhere aroudn there that has good recovery going on.

Meanwhile, you got us !!! {{{{{Odaat}}}}}

[recoverygrrl]

Eating disorder recovery is hard, and there is so much conflict and shame in some people that sometimes groups of them take this on. I think that sometimes OA is not really like a twelve step fellowship, such as AA or NA, where people support each other, and a lot more like a diet club. Unfortunately, people come into OA with greater needs and shame and fear, and less family and societal support for the fact they have a problem, and they don't find what they need the most: love and acceptance. judgment is not recovery. And hostility is just not necessary. There are other food programs out there. Try to find one in your area or find a friend in AA who has the same problem and become recovery partners, working the steps together around food issues.

I personally believe that OA is no longer a safe or healthy place for a new, raw addict in pain.

I'm part of another program, but that's another forum.

love and recovery,

recoverygrrl

"...some of us will die in this battle. Decide now that it's not going to be you."
- Buffy Summers

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (episode 7:12)

[linus]

I've never heard of OA...what is it?

[odaat]

Overeaters Anonymous

To update: I've not been back to a meeting, I think part of me doesn't want to give up just yet. I think I might go back to my doctor to find out why I'm not getting any support - I don't see why Anorexia and Bulimia are eating disorders, but compulsive overeating isn't.

[Paulie]

I commend you for trying and reaching out!!!

[Pony]

Originally Posted by odaat

Overeaters Anonymous

To update: I've not been back to a meeting, I think part of me doesn't want to give up just yet. I think I might go back to my doctor to find out why I'm not getting any support - I don't see why Anorexia and Bulimia are eating disorders, but compulsive overeating isn't.

Compulsive overeating IS considered an eating disorder. Are you saying that your doctor isn't considering this as an eating disorder? I which case I would seek out a different doctor. One that deals or has been educated in eating disorders and/or addictions. I am sorryt hat you are having such a hard time with this, hon, but keep coming back here. At least for the support we can give to you.

[Done-With-It]

I agree with Pony it most definitely is.
Check out somethingfishy.org also if you'd like more support, more info., etc., there are a lot of OA's on there and that is strictly an ED board.

[tonys76]

I triple the notation, Over Eating is an addiction, and a nasty one at that. Most doctors just think your missing portion control, and don't consider it an addiction, but by all means it is.

[Nina Kay]

Hi Odaat. It's good to see you here. I have personally been to several OA Meetings and I have never experienced what you are describing. I'm so sorry that this is something you've had to deal with on top of your original problems that took you there. That is so sad to me. I wish that you were here so that we could do this together. I have moved from my OA Meetings and there are none here. I've thought of starting one, but I just haven't found a meeting place yet.

The site that Miss Done was suggesting sounds great and I do know that they have Overeater's Anonymous Meetings online that are really great. Keep coming back here and know that what you are experiencing is an Eating Disorder and we all who are Compulsive Overeaters with you, do know that as well, and we share your pain and struggle.

((((((((((((((((((((((Supportive Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[RubyRubyRuby]

Originally Posted by odaat

Just back from my second OA meeting, and I'm left feeling just as desperate as I was after the first one.

I've been in AA for 10 months or so, and I love it. Its absolutely incredible - I'm given so much love, support and friendship.

I don't feel welcome in OA at all. I do get identification with most of the members, but I don't feel any love. I didn't feel welcome, I was just left standing on my own crying at the end of the meeting. I asked someone how I get some numbers, but she said I should have looked in the book for some. I explained that I didn't know what the book was, and she just shrugged.

What am I doing wrong? I'm trying to be friendly and open and let people know that I'm new and need help, but I just don't seem to be getting anywhere.

Any ideas>?

Hi Odaat
I'm not sure where you are in England, but don't have great experiences at my local OA meetings. The women were either moaning and offloading or giving advice, not a lot of recovery in those meetings. Instead I go to a Women's AA recovery meeting - although I am an OA.

I am struggling with 12 step right now after a stint in rehab, I was diagnosed with complex ptsd and think I need to deal with that more than anything...

take care