Would anyone even consider

[sugarssweetpea]

Would anyone consider or does anyone let their 2 & 4 year olds play outside by themselves? I have a hard time with that & my husband says that I need to give them the boundaries of where they can go & let them go out by themselves. He says that I need to give them more freedom & is blaming me for their whining. I try so hard to do everything "right" for them & we (my husband & I) are just so different in parenting. I want to spend time with my children. I enjoy them. He comes in from work or even sometimes in the afternoon for lunch, barely talks to them & them watches t.v. turning it up to hear it if they are trying to talk to him or me while he is watching. This to him is normal. If they are not doing what he wants to do, then forget it. He does not want to spend time with them. I am just really having a hard time with our differences lately, especially when it comes to our children.

[dave47]

Hello Sugar, sorry you are having differences and i am firmly with you. My two are 13 and 10 and when they were younger they could play in the back garden which was secure but no way could they play out front.
We have a poem on our kitchen wall by an unknown author and i will write it below(hope you don't mind).
MY SON GROWS UP
My hands were busy through the day,
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to.
But when you'd bring your teddy bear,
And ask me to share your fun,
I'd say "A little later son."
I would tuck you in all safe at night,
And hear your prayers, turn out the light,
Then tiptoe softly to the door
I wish i'd stayed a little more.
For life is short, the years rush past,
No longer is he at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.
The teddy bears are put away,
There are no longer games to play.
No good night kiss, no prayers to hear,
That all belongs to yesteryear.
My hands once busy now are still,
The days are long and hard to fill.
I wish i could go back and do,
The little things you asked me to.

When i think back, my twenties passed in a drunken haze. My wife, who i met when i was drunk has always had faith in me and i feel grateful for the responsibility of raising two children.
We have a lot of financial problems and i work a lot of hours,but any time i read that poem it brings home to me what my priorities are.
I think you are bringing up your children properly and should stick to your guns. I hope you can encourage him to take more responsibility for his children, i love being with my two. I will put you in my prayers SSP, best wishes.

[historyteach]

No.
Children of ages 2 and 4 are TOO young to be let out alone, unattended. Period.

Your husband is being neglectful of his young children, I'm sorry to say. I don't know why. Perhaps that's how he was raised; perhaps he's depressed. Either way, it is HIS responsibility to improve. He should attend parenting classes and learn how to be a father! Why, in G*D's name, did he have children, if he doesn't want to spend time with them? Children do NOT raise themselves! And he *is* responsible for them.

I'm sorry if I'm overly harsh. This post triggered me. My ex never spent any time with my son. And when he did, those few rare times when I *thought* they were bonding, I later heard that he ignored Trevor. It was truly heart breakening. Trevor was so lonely... and had no one to teach him how to become a man.

I do hope he goes for counseling. He needs it. There's something wrong there. That is *not* a normal behavior for a father of two young children. I know now that my ex is depressed. I wish I knew then.

Good luck to you. Let us know how it goes.

Shalom!

[sugarssweetpea]

Thanks guys. Dave, thanks for the poem.

Teach, my husband does spend time with them, just not like I do I guess. He tells them bible stories every other night, we all eat dinner & sometimes even breakfast & lunch together, he has been working on the quality one on one stuff. He had a pretty rough childhood & is working on a lot of things. He also does not let them outside by themselves. When they are outside without me, he is always out there working. I think one of the main things he was talking about today was that he knows that I do not like to be outside & therefore do not take them out as often as I should. Not even close. I was complaining about it today & that is when he said that. Things were a lot different when he was little & yes he was let outside with his little brother at about age 4 or 5. I told him today when we talked about it again, that there comes a time when we have to decide whether or not to raise our kids how we were raised or how we know is right. I told him that I am not going to let them outside by themselves. I do not think he is neglectful, he just was raised a lot differently than I was & like I said before, he had a rough childhood. I believe he is working on things to the best of his ability. I read a lot of parenting books & relay the advice & techniques to him & he always listens & gives them a try himself. I am sorry I came down so hard on him earlier. I did not want to portray him as a bad father b/c he is not. He is growing & learning.

[historyteach]

My apologies. Thank you for clarifying.
I wish you both the best as you work out these issues.

Shalom!

[sugarssweetpea]

Thanks Teach. No apology necessary. I just placed the question out there as to get input. And all input is appreciated.

[barb dwyer]

I'm with Teach on account of kids ... eat bugs.