Vicious Circle (Repost)

[FranklinsTower]

Sorry didn't realize there was a forum for this..so this is a repost.

I am a 21 Male and have been suffering from Bulimia for the past 2 years, at my heaviest I was 300 lbs and at my lightest I was 160 lbs, I am now 190 lbs.(5'11). Recently (over the past few months) my bulimia has slowly turned into anorexia, now I only eat a few (2 or 3) times a week and throw up whatever I eat immediatly. It's as natural as brushing your teeth in the morning, I eat, go throw it up and move on with my day. I need help, the effects of these dieseases are finally starting to become evident, I feel like I am going to pass out all the time, my body has strange twitches, my stomach hurts too much, my teeth are gums are eroding away and I still can't stop. I need help, I know, but I'm not sure if I want it, I'm not sure that I will be ok with gaining weight, as sad as it may sound. I would almost rather be dead then weigh as much as I did before. i just don't know what to do...I honestly can't tell you when the last time I kept any food down was.


Has anyone been through recovery for an ED, can you tell me what it's like?

[historyteach]

Seeking Help, Referrals, or Answers? Call Toll-Free 1-800-931-2237
General Information

Seeking Treatment
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eating disorders are serious health conditions that can be both physically and emotionally destructive.
People with eating disorders need to seek professional help. Early diagnosis and intervention significantly enhances recovery. If not identified or treated in their early stages, eating disorders can become chronic, debilitating, and even life-threatening conditions.

Treatment is Available. Recovery is Possible.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



What does treatment involve?
The most effective and long-lasting treatment for an eating disorder is some form of psychotherapy or psychological counseling, coupled with careful attention to medical and nutritional needs. Ideally, this treatment should be tailored to the individual and will vary according to both the severity of the disorder and the patient's particular problems, needs, and strengths.


Psychological counseling must address both the eating disordered symptoms and the underlying psychological, interpersonal, and cultural forces that contributed to the eating disorder. Typically care is provided by a licensed health professional, including but not limited to a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, nutritionist, and/or medical doctor. Care should be coordinated and provided by a health professional with expertise and experience in dealing with eating disorders.

Many people with eating disorders respond to outpatient therapy, including individual, group, or family therapy and medical management by their primary care provider. Support groups, nutritional counseling, and psychiatric medications under careful medical supervision have also proven helpful for some individuals.
Hospital Based Care (including inpatient, partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient and/or residential care in an eating disorders specialty unit or facility) is necessary when an eating disorder has led to physical problems that may be life-threatening, or when it is associated with severe psychological or behavioral problems.

The exact treatment needs of each individual will vary. It is important for individuals struggling with an eating disorder to find a health professional they trust to help coordinate and oversee their care.

Eating Disorders Survival Guide
Eating disorders can lead to significant physiological changes that require medical treatment in addition to psychiatric treatment and the reimbursement system does not allow for a holistic approach. For this reason, patients and families frequently have to fight to get the appropriate and necessary treatment.

Athletes and Eating Disorders

In a study of Division 1 NCAA athletes, over one-third of female athletes reported attitudes and symptoms placing them at risk for anorexia nervosa. Though most athletes with eating disorders are female, male athletes are also at risk --especially those competing in sports that tend to place an emphasis on the athlete’s diet, appearance, size, and weight requirements.




Questions to Ask When Considering Treatment Options

There are various approaches to eating disorders treatment. It is important to find an option that is most effective for your needs.




Questions to Ask Your Treatment Provider

Once you have chosen a treatment provider, you may want to consider asking these questions in your first meeting.




Securing Eating Disorders Treatment: Ammunition for Arguments with Third Parties

Unfortunately, some patients and families frequently have to fight to get the appropriate and necessary treatment for eating disorders. Here are some arguments to use when trying to secure treatment from an insurance provider or another third party.




Suggested Medical Tests

A complete medical assessment is important when diagnosing eating disorders. Talk with your doctor about performing specific laboratory tests.





Treatment of Eating Disorders

The most effective and long-lasting treatment for an eating disorder is some form of psychotherapy or counseling, coupled with careful attention to medical and nutritional needs. Ideally, this treatment should be tailored to the individual and will vary according to both the severity of the disorder and the patient's individual problems, needs, and strengths.

I wish you the best of luck. You are dealing with a deadly disease, and need treatment. Please call the number on the top of the post.

Shalom!

[Nina Kay]

Hi FranklinsTower. I just wanted to say Welcome to SR and especially this Eating Disorders Forum. There are others here who have been through or are going through what you are. Please keep coming back here and reading posting and posting yourself. You will find alot of supportive and encouraging people here and you will find help for yourself if you do keep coming back.

I'm so glad that historyteach shared this information above, with you and I do hope that you will reread it many times and make the calls that will help you and will ultimately save your life. You are so so young and you are in grave danger. Please seek help from some professionals and keep coming here too.

[FranklinsTower]

Originally Posted by Nina Kay

Hi FranklinsTower. I just wanted to say Welcome to SR and especially this Eating Disorders Forum. There are others here who have been through or are going through what you are. Please keep coming back here and reading posting and posting yourself. You will find alot of supportive and encouraging people here and you will find help for yourself if you do keep coming back.

I'm so glad that historyteach shared this information above, with you and I do hope that you will reread it many times and make the calls that will help you and will ultimately save your life. You are so so young and you are in grave danger. Please seek help from some professionals and keep coming here too.

Thanks to everyone for the information, it was a lot of help, I don't think I'm ready for treatment (neither mentally or financially) right now but the info does make me less apprehensive about going. I think I'm going to try and hold off until this summer when school lets out so I have less obligations to attend to. I'm just going to try and stay healthy until then (as healthy as one with a ED could be I guess)

Thanks again.

[Gambaru]

Welcome to this friendly little place on the Internet. There's a lot of information in those sticky posts at the top too. Recovery doesn't have to cost money. Some schools have free counselling but there's loads of info on the web too for when you are ready. Begining recovery takes a lot of you and I wish you the best.

[barb dwyer]

Hi Franklin -

Thank you for posting, and welcome to SR!

I just wanted to skip in and congratulate you for illustrating that men have these disorders, and in my opinion - don't always receive the format or attention they need in order to heal, either.

Thank you!

[knittinggal]

Originally Posted by FranklinsTower

Thanks to everyone for the information, it was a lot of help, I don't think I'm ready for treatment (neither mentally or financially) right now but the info does make me less apprehensive about going. I think I'm going to try and hold off until this summer when school lets out so I have less obligations to attend to. I'm just going to try and stay healthy until then (as healthy as one with a ED could be I guess)

Thanks again.

I know exactly what you are talking about. As much as I want to get healthy, I'm not ready to let it all go. I know you know the consequences physically of your disorder, I know them too, but you need to be ready in order for it to work.

[FranklinsTower]

Originally Posted by knittinggal

I know exactly what you are talking about. As much as I want to get healthy, I'm not ready to let it all go. I know you know the consequences physically of your disorder, I know them too, but you need to be ready in order for it to work.

Talking to you guys and reading other post are really helping, Over the past few weeks it feels like the physical signs are really starting to kick in. Do you ever get extreme pain when you are laying on your side? It's hard to explain how the pain feels but it is excruciating.

[Done-With-It]

Hi FT, welcome to SR. It's good to see you here.

Yes, I had pains in my side, I had lots of things. I tore up my stomach I tore up my throat, acid was eating my throat, my stomach, I was throwing up bloods, lots of blood, by the end, sometimes it looked like coffee grounds, other times just blood. Coffee ground blood always made me happy because that was the 'Better Safer' kind of blood. I chipped my teeth, my memory was gone, I used to pass out where ever my body felt like it, my electrolytes were often out of whack, my skin was brittle, my hair was falling out.
More things than I can name. But I was a "Good Anorexic" and I always
got "All my food out" cause I knew the licorice trick.

But like you, it took me a long time to get ready to 'be ready' also.
How I didn't die waiting to be ready was only "God's Choice"
not because I shouldn't have died.

I've lost a lot of friends over the years to this disorder.
Bulimia tears up your body more than you know, if your esophagus erupts,
your electrolytes are off balance you may not make it till summer.
So if your not quite ready to get help yet, at least go to the doctor in the mean time, go to these sites, get yourself in counseling, start off little.
You can be honest with a doctor, they aren't going to commit you, but they will check you out for certain things.

You are where I was, not eating at all, and throwing up like it was as natural as brushing your teeth. You are killing yourself gradually, you just can't see it real well on the outside. And you probably think, oh if I ever got that bad, threw up blood, passed out, woke up with blood pouring out of my head from falling, I would get help. But you wouldn't, you'd be wondering if you got all the calories out.
"Usually" no matter how bad we get, no matter what we do, we keep thinking, Oh I'll never do that, I'll never get that bad, I'll never steal laxatives, diet pills, Ip., I'll never throw up in the alley, I'll never do this, I'll never measure how much I throw up , just to make sure, We always get sicker and do more disgusting things, until we get help....
It's a progressive disorder.

For "ME" I needed a lot of help with not throwing up and being forced to eat.
I needed in patient, with people literally locking me out of the bathrooms, forcing us to eat, watching us go to the bathroom, watching us take showers.
It was pretty embarrassing. But that is where I brought myself too.
I literally almost had handcuffs on me 24/7..
Little nurses following Miss Done around.... Every single thing I did, like I
was a 6 month old. Over calories???? Boggles my mind.
But hey, they saved my life.

So I can relate to what you are going through. I did the sickest of the sick
w/my Eating Disorder. Then after I spent months of in patient, got better, and did good for years, I tried some meth thinking I could lose a little bit of weight, and ended up almost killing myself over it.
I needed help with my eating disorder every step of the way. It was worth and is worse than my meth addiction 10 times over.

BUT..... YOU CAN RECOVER FROM AN Eating Disorder.... 100%
or you can die. YOU GET TO MAKE THE CHOICE.....
It's a disorder that is curable by you.

When you get a chance if you haven't, check out
Eating Disorders | Anorexia | Bulimia | Binge Eating Disorder | Compulsive Overeating | The Something Fishy Website on Eating Disorders

there's a mens forum on there.
We also have a great
"Advanced Recovery Board" on there.
If you want to see some Real Recovery Stories of Hope, check it out.
You can't post on it, but you can read, you can ask questions (I think)
but there are tons of forums on there.


Don't give up and Keep trying.....
PM me anytime, if I haven't scared you off.

Sorry didn't mean too. I just don't want to see you die.
((Believe me nothing I said up there is anything I like to admit too
or talk about.))




In the meantime....

These may help.
I had to do alot of this stuff in treatment.

[Done-With-It]

Here's a good link also on cognitive therapy which is helpful with a lot of ED's
http://www.cognitivetherapy.com/basics.html

[Done-With-It]

Recovery Worksheets
This worksheet is taken from Transforming Your Body Image. Read and answer the questions below:


WOMAN/MAN IN A TRAP


If you dislike or struggle with your body, you are in a prison. You are entrapped by the image you have of your body. You are both the prisoner and the guard. You are holding yourself prisoner. You have built the prison, your body image, out of many painful memories and negative messages from other people. You have built the prison by comparing yourself to some impossible standard which the media gave you. you have built the prison out of rejection or non-acknowledgment that took the place of needed acceptance for who you are.
Your prison is unique. You keep it strong and impenetrable by feeding yourself constant messages of negativity and self-criticism, by selective hearing which take sin only what fits your negative self assessment, and by denying yourself the love and acceptance you deserve-even if you have flaws. There is no one on earth who doesn't have flaws.


1. What feelings do I have about my body?




2. How do I imprison myself with feelings I have about my body?






3. (Think of an image that symbolizes how you keep yourself imprisoned. It can be a literal picture of a jail cell with bars or a more abstract representation. draw it.) What is my prison like?



4. What qualities are being suppressed and hidden because I am in this prison?




5.What benefits do I get from being in my prison? Does my prison protect me from someone or something?




6.What do I think is beyond the walls of my prison?



7.What issues would I have to confront about myself If I stopped blaming my body?



8.Who am I if not a person in a trap?

[Done-With-It]

Limiting Thoughts
*Read the whole sheet or the beginning may be triggering*

LIMITING THOUGHTS
-adapted from 200 ways to love the body you have

Limiting thoughts are thoughts we think about ourselves that are irrational and don't allow us to be happy. They feed the eating disorder and vice versa.


PART ONE: Write down ten negative, irrational, and distorted thoughts you have that keep you from fully living happily in the body you have:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

PART 2: How do these thoughts limit you?

My answer:

PART 3:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
__________














Which Position Do I Choose? Survivor Or Victim
WHICH POSITION DO I CHOOSE? SURVIVOR OR VICTIM (of my eating disorder)? If you haven't already, go to the GENERAL section and look for the victim vs. survivor explanation. Now answer the questions!

1. How have I demonstrated taking the Victim position in my recovery? What is the data?


2. What do I need to do to challenge this?


3. How have I demonstrated working towards being a survivor in my recovery? What is the data?


4. What would being a survivor in my recovery look like to me?


5. What is one way I could challenge myself to be a survivor in my recovery today?


6. What is your plan to specifically begin working on this?

[Done-With-It]

Adapted from Skills Base: Management pattern recognition.




A Self-estem booster!

Try it, when I filled it out I remembered some accomplishments that I had forgotten or deemed unimportant.

From the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook:



LIST OF PERSONAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS

For each area, list the accomplishments you've had up to the present.


1. School





2. Work and Career




3. Home and Family (ex: having a baby, taking care of an elder)



4. Athletics




5. Arts and hobbies




6. Leadership




7. Prizes and awards




8. Personal growth and self-improvement




9. Charitable activites




10. Intagibles given to others





11. Important life lessons learned



12. Other successes

[Done-With-It]

Eating Disorders Daily Planning And Goal-setting Sheet



Do this each morning when you get up:

EATING DISORDERS DAILY PLANNING AND GOAL-SETTING SHEET

Date:_______________

Check in: Circle all that apply for yesterday:

Eating Patterns: Restricted Binged Purged

Exercised Laxatives Diet Pills

Followed Meal Plan:_________%

Sleeping Pattern: slept through night
difficulty falling asleep
difficulty staying asleep
difficulty waking up

(#hours slept_______)


Self-care pattern: did take/ did not take meds
Isolated Utilized + support


My recovery goal for today is:




The three ways I will demonstrate to myself and my support that I am working on my recovery goal today will be: (behaviors, skills, healthy tools) :

1.

2.

3.


My Meal Goal for today is:



Three skills I can use to accomplish this are:

1.

2.

3.

Rate your mood-what are you feeling?

Last night________ This morning_______






FEARED, AVOIDED, and PROBLEM FOODS
FEARED, AVOIDED, and PROBLEM FOODS

Why do we fear or avoid certain foods?
-High Calories
-Unaware of nutritional content
-emotional aspects
-they are binge foods

What are the food you fear or avoid?
-write four columns and rank the foods you fear from 1 to 4.


Facts about food avoidance
-food avoidance is another form of restricting
-When you deprive yourself of foods you naturally
like or crave, you are setting yourself up for over-
indulgence or frustration.
-The longer you stay away from feared foods, the
more exaggerated your worries become.


Reasons to eat feared foods:
-stop binging
-decrease stress and anxiety
-increase variety
-challenge distortions
-prevents boredom with food choices

How to introduce feared foods into your diet:
Follow these steps:
1. Choose a controlled, non-stressful environment
Example: A picnic with your significant other
2.Use predetermined portion sizes
Example: Get a pre-packaged meal
3.Create little opportunity to escape for a purge
Example: Eat with friends, be outdoors
4. While eating feared food, write down thoughts
Example: Journal
5.Plan an activity to do after eating
Example: Board game, take a walk


FOOD EXERCISE:

1. Choose a food you consider "bad." What reason is it "bad?"

2. Pretend you ate a serving of that food.
-what is your immediate thought after eating it?
-what are your feelings after eating it?
-how did eating that food affect your behavior?
-what are the consequences of that behavior?

3. Evaluate your thoughts or underlying assumptions

Write down the evidence for and then the evidence against your thought. Is it distorted?