Control issues

[Biscuits]

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why can't people leave me alone and stop trying to control me?

Why do i feel that there are times when i have no choices and that i have to go along with whats going on even without my consent?

When am i going to get strong enough to say what i need to say without blowing it out of proportion?

These are issues that have haunted me for such a long time, and i am getting really fed up and bored by my reactions to it but i have real problems when i feel i am being backed into a corner by people these days and anger and resentment are rife in my life right now.

As most of you know i was abused when i was a child and its taken me a long time to deal with the issues around this but i cannot get past these control issues. Its as if i'm catapulted back to my childhood horror when people put me in situations i don't want to be in and i feel totally lost and confused. The inner child resurfaces and isolates away from the world.

I know all the right things to do but seem totally unable to voice how i feel, just like when i was a child being controlled by an adult.

I know i will get through this but just needed to reach out and let people know its going on so i can at least get through today sanely.

On the plus side its not affecting my food as i am working the progrtam to the best of my ability on it and am reaching out where i feel safe to do so.

Thanks for being my safe environment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to all

[Gambaru]

((((((Biscuits))))) Well done on keeping your abtinence a priority.

Standing up for myself is one of the hardest things I'm learning to do as well. I never did it as a teen because I was too busy trying to fit in and to be liked by anyone whose path I crossed. The first step in me learning to defend myself I'm still going through and that's actually becoming aware of all of these situations where I would have been a pushover. I get frustrated too at times but I know part of it is because its my frustration at the years of me not putting myself first, and not just that one episode. One day at a time, we'll get there!

[Biscuits]

Feeling really low today, just about functioning at work. Holding back my emotions because all i want to do is cry. Realising i just want to isolate from everyone at the moment and escape what is going on. I know its not the solution but hey i can screw up every now and then.

Food is worrying me, i have no appetite and its funny but i like that feeling (my anorexic thinking kicking in i suppose), I will try to stick to my food plan but right now i have no interest in eating anything i kinda feel numbed out.

Just about reaching out here at the moment, thats all i can do for today.

So glad you are all hear sharing with me.

Love always

[Gambaru]

Sometimes we have to go through the low points abstinently to keep moving forward. Hang in there and no matter what, don't pick up! Don't forget taking time out for you when you need it is not a bad thing!

[Neagrm]

(((Biscuits))), it sounds like an especially challenging time for you. Staying on your program/food plans is a real way to support yourself through it.

I wonder what your self-talk is on days like these? Can you become aware of what you're saying to yourself? Give yourself supportive statements; write them down and read often to counteract fearful thoughts/negative self-talk.

That's great you made it to work. Like Gambaru says, take time for yourself when you need it.

Sometimes when it's not possible for me to let my inner child cry "out loud" in a public situation, I make a date with her to listen to her (myself) and support her in a private time or in time with a good friend. Reassure her that she's safe and you're there for her.

Hang in there, Biscuits. You are not alone.
Nea