I Have A Question...

[klutz4513]

One of my very good friends is having a horrible problem with her weight and eating habits. She has lost so much weight in the last two years or so. I know that she exercises every day and eats close to nothing. She had IBS before this happened, so now anything she does eat (or vitamins she tries to take) make her incredibly sick. I have been really close with her family for years, and know that many of them are addicts of some sort. She comes to me for support when she feels helpless, and I have explained that her eating disorder is probably very much like her brothers or dads drinking problem. Is this right to some degree? I know I can't make her eat, not any more than I can make an alcoholic just up and quit. I have encouraged her to seek therapy, medical care, etc., and I have had discussions with her brother and mom about her health. What else can I do besides be there for her?

She hated going to therapy, so I thought maybe online support would be a starting option for her. She says she wants help, but never follows through. If she were to look for an online group, are there any you would recommend? This particular forum seems to have a lot to do with over eating; are there any that focus more on anorexia/bulimia, and maybe codependency as well? I am just looking for ideas. Anything would help. Thank you all!!!

[mamashell]

This post really hits home for me. I have suffered from eating disorders since I was 17 years old. I have a hate relationship with food that goes beyond imagination. I started out with anorexia, progressed to bulimia , now I am more eating disorder otherwise diagnosed.

I too come from a family with a huge history of alcoholism. I drink to much myself though only once a week, it is still binge drinking.

I had a site on aimoo for all eating disorders. I would give you the link but aimoo is temp. down for some technical reasons & has been for some time.

I don't know what to tell you to do to help your friend. But telling them to eat will not work. This is a disease caused by many emotional factors. It would take me all day to explain to you & it still would only touch the surface.

I can tell you this, I only want help when I cannot stop eating. I am ashamed to say I( enjoy starving. It is like a drug for me. That is why it is so hard to get well from this disease. You can stay away from alcohol or drugs. How do you get away from not eating?
Feel free to pm me. I may not be much help but I do understand.
Love
Shell

[klutz4513]

Shell,

Thank you so much for writing back, and for your encouragement. I understand emotional factors to a t, and growing up in an alcoholic home and then choosing drug and alcohol counseling as my major have certainly helped me understand addiction and control (or lack thereof).

I know that she says she wants help. She told me today that it is isolating her and making her a different person, but I know that she does like the control that she has when she abstains from a meal, and I am pretty confident she likes the attention she gets too. I don't think that she is actually thinking "if I starve myself enough, people will notice and worry about me and think about me." I know that that is not true. I do think that she suffers with some feeling of abandonment and low self esteem. Sometimes any attention at all feels good. I know though that positive attention is always better, and that she needs to work through the feelings she has towards herself and her father.

And you are completely correct. How do you stay away from not eating? First of all, food surrounds us. It is everywhere! It's not like she has to avoid a bar, a certain group of people, a party, etc. It is everywhere, AND she is having to make herself DO something, not abstain from an action. It just seems incredibly difficult.

Her mother isn't helping either. My friend is living at home (20 yrs old), and her mom constantly makes excuses for her. When we are at dinner and my friend doesnt order, her mother promptly pipes in (before any question is asked) that she had already eaten, or she knows that she had a large lunch. It is almost as if she is embarrassed that people will find out her daughters problems. Ugh. What enabling actions!

I am just so frustrated. I lover her so much and want to fix it all. I guess that, though, is my own problem. Anyways, thank you for your support, and if you have any other advice or ideas I am all ears.

Good luck with your own eating issues, and I applaud you for making it through what you have and being here for support, and to support others. You are definitely in the right place.