Struggling very much ...

[Pony]

I have to tell ya that I am struggling very much right now. I have some really emotional things going on in my family currantly and some financial stresses that are just weighing my down.

If I haven't been real talkative lately it's because I just can't find the words and my mind is so bogged down. So my sharing has taken a back seat. I know it shouldn't, but it is really hard for me, like most I guess, to open up and say," hey I am not doing well".

I have an aunt that is terminally ill from liver disease and Hep C. She has dealt with this for many years but is now losing her battle. she has been in the last stages for months, but is really down to any time now. I have known about this for a while, but I guess you are never really prepared enough. There are some things that I really want to say to her but can't get there so to car problems. I am writing her a letter in hopes that somehow it will get to her in time.

The other thing is that my car is in need of major work...well, a water pump replacement....lol, but the mechn. in town want around two hundred fifty dollars to fix it...that's just labor. That will be all that I have for the month. Working for the district I only get paid once a month. So I am looking around some more for a mechn to do it for less. There is a chance that my daughter's friend will be albe to do it, so keep fingers crossed.

There's more going on too, but I have to head back to work and can't ramble on any further...lol

Just keep my in prayer friends, I just need to clear my head and think of what the plan is. I know it's out there, but I can't see it yet.

[roxiestone]

Sending good thoughts your way, Pony.

[elizabeth1979]

Prayers going out Pony.
Some of the best plans Ive vome up with took me getting to a point of clarity first.

Im sure you will find a way.

[barb dwyer]

*prayers*

have you tried your group for the mechanic?

[cali]

Hi Pony-
I am glad that you are sharing what is going on.
I don't know how far away distance wise your aunt is but perhaps someone could take you to her? There perhaps are people that would gladly do that.
I am just learning to ask for help and it's not always easy but I am told every time that I do, that I have also helped the person I reached out to.
I do not know the circumstances but it's something that ran through my head when I read your post.

I am sending prayers your way-
"be in tune with yourself today-let your perceptions guide you"
(Each Day A New Beginning 10/3/07)

[dave47]

I'll put you in my prayers,best wishes.

[roxiestone]

Pony,

How are you doing today?

[BeeBee]

Hi Pony, I sure hope you can find someone to do the work on the car for less. I know that mechanical work is terribly expensive.

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt and I surely hope that your letter makes it there in time. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Blessings.

[Pony]

Thanks all for the support. My aunt is hanging in there. My mom went and visited her a couple of days ago and said that her bleeding has stopped for now. But that she has accepted that she is going to die soon and is finally going to make her arrangements for when the time comes. Her birthday is at the end of this month.....

I am praying for her peace

My car....well, it is still up for grabs who will fix it. i just don't have the money for a shop. A private person might give me a chance to pay in time... you know.

So needless to say I am trying not to stress eat... not always working, but I am trying.

[Pony]

Well, my daughter's friend is going to fix my car for me tomorrow. I am excited about that. I will be able to pay him some tomorrow and some later on. I will be jumping for joy after it's done. Right now I feel a little cynical about it actually get done.

I can't seem to get out of my head these past few days. And my eating has been really crazy. I feel like a huge disappointment to myself let alone others for not doing what I know I should be doing. I mean, it's so easy...right?.... just stop doing the wrong behaviors.... !!!! right?. Yeah right. sigh

Someone told me today thought that I looked thinner. That was a uplift. Especially since I have been blowing it so much lately. So maybe I am not too late at getting myself back on track that I have undone all my hard work to this point.

[stringer belle]

Originally Posted by Pony

Someone told me today thought that I looked thinner. That was a uplift. Especially since I have been blowing it so much lately. So maybe I am not too late at getting myself back on track that I have undone all my hard work to this point.

i'm sorry you're going through this right now -- but i believe that you have the knowledge and faith and will to persevere that you need in order to push through this rough patch.

i am also sorry about your aunt, and i am also losing an aunt to poor health even as we speak. i hope that you're able to convey your thoughts to her in some way before she passes on -- but i do believe someone *out there* has a way of getting our messages to our loved ones even if the US postal service can't get it there in time.

stay strong.

[roxiestone]

Originally Posted by Pony

Someone told me today thought that I looked thinner. That was a uplift. Especially since I have been blowing it so much lately. So maybe I am not too late at getting myself back on track that I have undone all my hard work to this point.

I do this to myself - if I make one misstep (or even more), it's like I've somehow negated EVERYTHING. All or nothing thinking? Whatever it is, it's unrealistic.

Pony, treat yourself gently.

[Paulie]

So maybe I am not too late at getting myself back on track

It is never too late my dear friend.

I mean, it's so easy...right?.... just stop doing the wrong behaviors.... !!!! right?. Yeah right. sigh

Umm, I have to disagree with you on that one Pony, easy...no, simple yes, but simple is not always easy. If it was easy we wouldnt have weight issues.

You and I are alot alike in some ways, we are emotional eaters. That is a huge huge struggle for me also. I have gained back 12 of what I lost, and that is not good for me. I understand exactly where you are coming from.

Pony, just like with our other additions, we take it just one day at a time. We do our best not to beat ourselves up over what we eat. We just do our best.

When I do it LOL, what works best for me is having a plan. Planning in the morning, what I will eat during the day. When I just go to the cupboard or the fridge that is when I get in trouble.

Just like staying clean and sober, we can do this together.

I am sorry to hear about your aunt, that is very sad. I will pray for her comfort and peace. Remember, she knows you love her!!!!

huge hugs to you my friend.

[Pony]

OH, it is so wonderful to see you here. Thanks for the straight talk my friend. I miss it and you. ( I know I haven't visited our other place much...again...sorry)

You are right, a plan for the day is the right way. And I had been doing that. Got away from it and started wingin it.... that's bad for me.... and I know it too.

I am getting back to it. I went and bought some healthy stuff to have at hand. I am trying not to skip any meals so that I am not raiding the frig while I am tryign to get my next meal made...like dinner. Also I have not snacked on anything harmful at night. I have some friut on hand and yogurts....that really helps. But at tleast the oast couple of nights I have not snacked at all before bed, or woke up in the middle of night looking for something. that's an improvement.

My car is drivable again...so back to the gym I go. I know that I am always in a much better frame of mind when I am working out. I am much more positve with myself when I am working out and doing something healthy for me.

Thanks for coming on in here and the support. Hugs right back ya... my friend

[Paulie]

I know that I am always in a much better frame of mind when I am working out. I am much more positve with myself when I am working out and doing something healthy for me.

That is so true. Working out consistently makes a huge difference for my mental/emotional state too! Oh how I hate admitting that LMAO!!!!!