Today is the first day

[ladyamalthea]

Of the rest of my life.

Okay, so I totally borrowed that from Nina's last thread, but hopefully she won't mind because it is so relevant for me right now. I am so tired of being 140 pounds overweight. I am so tired of having so many pills to take each day at 24 years old that I actually benefit from having a pill dispenser that is about the size of a novel, with all the different days and times on it. I am so tired of being obsessed with food. I am so tired of being tired all the time. In short, I am so tired of where I am right now, I feel like I could cry. Again. And I'm tired of that too.

But I look at that number... 140 pounds to lose? Yeesh. That's like losing a whole person. I basically need to cut myself in half! I'm so scared right now, I don't know what I'm going to do. I know I have to do something. Part of it is that it's very hard to eat healthy when you have to eat out for every single meal (and yes I have to, b/c we're living in a hotel right now). Part of it is that it's just dang scary to know I have that huge of a change to make. I want the change. I am eager for it. But I'm so nervous, b/c my addiction to food makes it so hard to do what I need to do. I actually tried the South Beach diet a couple of years ago. In the first week, they tell you to eat NO carbs at all. As sad as this is, I couldn't even make it through the first three days. I got so cranky and sick to my stomach... and my headaches were a lot worse... I swear it was almost like withdrawals. And I cannot do that to myself. Not again.

So, what do I do? I cannot check into rehab. I know there are "rehabs" out there for eating disorders, but I do not have the luxury of stopping my whole world for this. There's just too much else going on, with hubby and I trying to close on our first house and me being a teacher and all... it would just really not be a good thing.

I don't feel like I can have any kind of surgery. I'm afraid that my addiction would cause me to continue to overeat even after having my stomach stapled, or any other gastric procedure, and it would kill me. Because it can kill you.

Sorry to make this so long. I guess I'm just so overwhelmed that I don't know what to say. But I know if I don't do something soon, I will only get worse. I am already slowly deteriorating, what with my high blood pressure, elevated heart rate, chest pains, and anti depressants. So I have to do something drastic. But what?

Any suggestions?

[historyteach]

Forget the quick loss *magic* diets.
They do NOT last.
I promise you that. It's a set up for a yo-yo and more heart-ache.

Know that you are worthy....
Of being who you want to be.
Then, make SMALL changes. Loose no more than 2 pounds a week. It's easy to do!
Walk.
Eat less white food; less refined stuff; less sugar.

More fruit and veggies.
Ya know, I LOVE to munch on raisins and grapes! Sweet! Better than candy!
And ya know what else too? I eat a 60 calorie fudgical once in a while. The chocolate satisfies my desire for fix, and anyone can deal with 60 calories. It's 600 calories we have to stop doing to ourselves!!!!

I know what you mean about eating out alot. I do so, not cuz I have to but, cuz I ge my socialization that way. Otherwise, I'm alone most of the time.

Now, you say you're on anti-depressants. Some of them cause weight gain. The SSRIs are known for that. So, have you tried Welbutrin? Or Topamax? Neither of them cause gain, and both have been known to cause weight loss.
The Welbutrin made me anxious, but, I've just started Topamax and it *seems* to be working well. Please talk to your doctor.

I was also taking phentermine for weight loss. It helps. It's *not* a cure all. But, doc doesn't want me to take it with the Topamax right now. The pharmacist says it is ok, though, so, I will talk to doc later.

I am pre-diabetic, so this is all very important to me. I've now lost almost 30 pounds. I've been doing it for a few months now. So, it's been 1 and 2 pounds a week. That way, it's more likely to stay off; I'm more likely to continue the exercise and eating routines I've begun and the skin also remains elastic enough so that there will be no need for a "nip and a tuck" surgery to get rid of stretched skin later.

I hope this help. Please, go for a walk EVERY DAY. It's one of the best things we can do for ourselves.

Shalom!

[ladyamalthea]

Teach,

Thanks so much for your support. I am prediabetic as well, and I don't want to have diabetes for the rest of my life. I am so glad that you've lost so much weight... I wish I had been more productive with the past year and a half. When I found out I was prediabetic, I got even more depressed and put on even more weight. I cannot go back to my doctor right away, as I just missed two days of work due to illness. I'm taking Lexapro right now, and the doctor knew I needed to lose weight when she gave me the Lexapro samples, so I figure I'll give it a chance. One thing too is that I'm also on Metformin to help with my blood sugar and insulin level, and Metformin makes me lose my appetite, so maybe the two will kinda balance each other out? I'll definitely be looking for any changes in appetite though, so I can call my doctor if I need to. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.

And thanks so much for sharing with me that you are losing weight off of such small changes. I think I can live with the things you are doing. I'm going to the store tonight, so I'll pick up some raisins and maybe some apples while I'm there, since those can easily be packed into my work lunch. And I guess I need to try to eat veggies at dinner, no matter where we go to eat, so that I can get those in? It's so hard to get fruits and veggies in without having anywhere to keep them. But now that I know that making such subtle changes has helped you, I am definitely more hopeful that they will work for me.

As far as the walk goes... there's a woman at work who walks around the school every day in the afternoon. She invited me to join her, so I guess i just need to bring comfy clothes to change into at the end of the day.

Thanks again for your support. I know what I need to do, I think I just needed someone to tell me I could do it.

[historyteach]

Yes, you can, Lady...
And you are worth it too. Be good to you...

Shalom!

[Nina Kay]

Wow Teach and Ladya,
This thread is so inspirational !!!! I do also know from my past experiences that subtle changes in our lifestyle can add up to make a big difference. I loved how you worded your post, Teach, so that it was to the point and so understandable and we can see that it's easily workable. Thanks so much for that. I hope that you both will consider coming back to this thread that you've started and sharing with us daily or often, how you've each continued to make these subtle changes work for you. I think everyone here will be interested to have you share these ways that are workable for profitable change. Thanks so much.

[historyteach]

Well, Nina,
Since you asked....
(You know they say, "Be careful what you ask for; for you will surely get it!" )

One more thing I just started doing this past week...
I am recording what I'm eating.
Everything.
And drinking.

The first day, I tried to do the calories and carbs. It got to freakin confusing and time consuming. And I didn't want to throw it all away, cuz, as I take more blood sugar readings, I want to find out what is causing what.
And I want to call a dietician too.
So, having a record will be important.

I have noticed though, that I'm eating smaller portions without trying, now. That's a wonderful feeling! Cuz, I know that, just by not *wanting* to eat more, I'll continue to loose weight.

And a funny thing has happened.
I've stated repeatedly that I love fried clams. But, I don't want to eat them now. The thought of the greasy fried, heavy clams isn't inviting for some reason now.
Understand, it's not clams per say that's not inviting. I just went to a New England Clambake and it was AWESOME!!! And I ate LOTS of *baked* clams! So, I *think* that's the difference -- the way it's cooked!

Now, why would that be? Idunno???

Anyway, just some more ramblings to share. I think by writing down everything that I'm eating and drinking, it helps me be more conscious about what I'm eating. I'm making better choices -- most of the time. (Not the other night when I had a big mac, though... )
And for some reason, my tastes have begun to change. A once loved food is not as apealing to me as it was before. Is it psycho-somatic? Or is it a result of making better choices changing what I like?

Look forward to your thoughts... :>)

Shalom!

[historyteach]

Lady,
Just wanted to ask something....
Have you started walking with your friend yet?

Ya know, it's kind of crazy, given what I just posted above, but, I gave myself a "reward" today. I went to the chinese buffet and pigged out. Owwww...I feel soooo gross!

Why in heaven's name would I reward myself for losing weight by pigging out?
I need my head fixed.

Anyway, I think I"m going to go for a walk.
G'night all.

Shalom!

[ladyamalthea]

Teach,

Thanks for checking on me

No, *sigh,* I have been a very very bad girl. In fact, not only have I been not walking, but I have been pigging out even worse at lunch time and hiding in my room while I eat so I don't have to face the judgment of all the other teachers on my hallway, who are all a bunch of skinny little health nuts. And the sad thing is, I know if I asked them for help, they would be eager to help me, b/c they would look at me as a sort of "project," if you will, but I don't want to be their project. I don't want them to know what I eat.

And they may not even be judging me. It's just that I keep hearing them tell other people about how such and such that is on the other person's tray is not good for them, and I've seen my own department head eye my plate with disgust...

And then again, I don't want to let them see me eat healthy either, b/c I don't want to relapse later and then have them really be talking about me.

There's a workout room here at the hotel... I think I might try the treadmill tomorrow.

Thanks so much for your continued support. Please don't give up on me! I want this, I really do... I don't know why I'm having such a hard time doing what I know I need to do!

[historyteach]

(((Lady)))

The treadmill would be a WONDERFUL way to start!!!
Start off slow, but, enough to make you breath a bit heavy, ya know.
Don't do more than say 15 minutes to start off.
Oh, and please, DO stretch a bit BEFORE you begin. I didn't when I first started, and ended up hurting myself. Also a short stretch after you're done. I honestly don't know the physics behind it, but, it prevents injuries, and you don't want them.

I'm *soooooo* proud of you for continuing on, even with set backs.
I know what it's like when others are talking about you. We've got our health nuts who only eat granola and soy, (yuck), and weigh 65 pounds soaking wet, (yuck again!) But, they will always be there, Lady. You will have to learn to face them sooner or later. Later is ok, if you start with the treadmill, though...

I know you want it, Lady... I really, really do.
And you *can* have it. I promise.

Shalom!

[ladyamalthea]

Thanks so much Teach! I don't know what I would do without you right now... you were one of the first people to find me and welcome me here, and you continue to be such an important part of my attempt at recovery.

Maybe this long weekend will give me a chance to recenter myself...

[historyteach]

Every day is another chance to recenter, Lady.
I know I've had plenty of times I've gone "off."
And plenty of opportunities to jump right back on the wagon.
It's always one day at a time. Ok?

L'Chaim!
(To Life!)

[ladyamalthea]

Okay, so...

not only did I exercise today for the first time in months, but dinner was much better for me than it has been since coming to live in this hotel room...

we went to a buffet (my choice, b/c I wanted to have healthier options)

first plate:
-a huge salad with ham cubes, cheddar, italian dressing, and croutons, with tomatoes and pickles on the side

second plate:
-two serving spoons of corn, one of green beans, and one piece of fried chicken

dessert:
-a banana and two cookies (as opposed to the two cookes, ice cream cone, and a piece of cake lol)

And I drank water the whole time

I might have kinda sorta binged on crackers this afternoon... but at least it was crackers, and not chips, fries, cookies, pizza, etc... right?

So, while I did have a small setback today, the positives outweigh the negatives so much, that I will make note of my slip up and go on virtually painlessly.

Oh, and methinks I have found a solution to my lunch at work situation... I think tomorrow I'll go out and buy some meat to take to work (grilled chicken strips, etc) and start making a salad off of the cafeteria salad bar and throw my meat and my dressing on there (I'll try to find a healthy option there too tomorrow). That way I know I'll like my options, and I won't be eating the two pieces of cafeteria pizza, two sides of fries, and the brownie I ate each day last week.

[ladyamalthea]

Oh yeah,

I also plan to take one of my pairs of sneakers and put them in the back of my car so I can take them to work with me on Tuesday. That way I have no more excuses to not walk in the afternoons!

[historyteach]

Lady,

You're making better choices. That's the start! YEA!!!
Start getting used to that before making more better ones. Does that make sense? My doc's assistant, (who weighs about 98 pounds, lol!), said that otherwise, we "shock" our system, and it produces more cortizol which increases the belly fat. That belly fat, as you probably know, is a precursor to diabetes. So, we want to take small steps, and adjust to them before taking the next step.

You are doing GREAT!!!

And throwing the sneakers in the car is a wonderful idea. I have my gym bag in the car and stop on the way home from work.

Keep up the good work, and keep on keeping track of what you're doing. I find it helps. And I started something new in my eating/exercise journal too. I'm tracking my moods. I want to see if what I'm eating effects my mood. I just recently read about food alergies causing sluggishness that's often mistaken for depression. Wheat and dairy are common culprits! Can ya imagine!

Anyway, good to hear how well it's going for you, Lady! Keep it up. Remember, one to two pounds a week. That's all you need. In a year, you'll have lost 100 pounds! OMG! We won't know ya anymore!

Shalom, my friend!

[gratefulgal]

Originally Posted by ladyamalthea

Of the rest of my life.

I swear it was almost like withdrawals.

Any suggestions?

Hi Ladyamalthea,
I am in recovery from food addiction, and I do not eat any addictive substances, which are sugar, flour, wheat and volume. I follow Kay Sheppard's food plan (www.kaysheppard.com) and I work the 12 steps of RFA (Recovery from Food Addiction). Kay Sheppard's book "From the First Bite" talks all about food addiction and has her most current food plan in it. This program has changed my life!
I was sober 6 months when I began my recovery from food addiction. I have lost 120 pounds, but the most miraculous thing is that I don't have those horrible cravings anymore, and I am no longer a slave to food. I would not be able to do it if I thought about doing it for the rest of my life, but I can do this program one day at a time. So for today, I am abstinent and that is a miracle. Let me know if you have any questions.