Food for Comfort

[Sharkie82]

Hello! I'm new to the forum and so happy to have found it. I have a few different eating issues going on. So here's the story (I'm going to try to be brief).

In college I was living on a super limited income, and I can't cook, so I lived off of mac'n'cheese and Taco Bell for a year. Due to this lifestyle I gained about 10 pounds (I had always been very healthy as I used to be a figure skater once upon a time) and when I moved back home my mother, with her heart in the right place, made it her mission for me to lose weight. She would comment on the fat and calories in whatever I was eating or drinking, she would paste things such as cut outs from magazines of models on the fridge with thought bubbles above them that said "Are you SURE you're hungry?" She would put notes on crackers and chips that said "How about an apple instead." So I began to secret eat. Anytime I left the house I would buy a sub, or a bag of candy, or a bag of chips, and eat it all in the car, or would sneak it into my room and eat.

I ended up gaining about 90 pounds at my heaviest. My mother and I have since had many discussions about her approach and even though things have changed I still can't stop the eating! I also suffer from depression, which is currently unregulated, and so I eat for comfort. I try to eat healthy, stop the hoarding and the secret eating of crap food, but it usually doesn't last long and when I crash, I crash hard.

I am down 10 pounds, but want to continue to successfully go down. Has anyone else on this board dealt with eating issues like this? Any hints or suggestions on how to get back to normal (in addition to getting help for the depression as that has finally begun)?

[Pony]

OH wow, yes, I can relate to some of what you are going through. I have family genetics against me, but my well meaning family would always remind me that If I wanted to be pretty I had to not eat so much and so on. I can remember sneaking food at a very early age because I didn't want anyone one to know that I just wanted to taste something good...like sweets and ding dong's or even ice cream, which was always around.

Then when I gained weight going into my pre-teen and teen yrs. I always heard, "Oh, you would be so pretty if you would just lose the weight" and " See if you really wanted, you could look like her" as they pointed out some skinny chick or model on TV. I even heard that one as recent as a few yrs. back from the man from my last relationship, as he pointed out this waitress at our favorite Mexican Resturant.

Yes, I have been accusom to sneaking food even in my adult yrs. as well. But recently I have changed my eating habits.....for me, not them. I think that is the difference. I am not trying to please anyone else, so I don't care what they say too much anymore. So I don't feel I have to hide. If I want to eat something, I go ahead and eat it. I only have to answer to myself. But since I have been so much effort into my getting healtier, by losing weight and exercising, I don't want to mess it up.

[roxiestone]

I don't have a lot to add, other than I had a well-meaning family who all equated slimness with worth. Everything would be better if I were thinner. Except that sometimes it's not.

I'm back to sneaking food again, which prompted my joining SR. I appreciate everyone's stories and support

[Nina Kay]

Welcome to SR, Sharkie. I'm glad that you found us here. I really hope that you'll keep coming back.

When I was really young, my mother made the best tasting ground meat patties. I used to sneak some back and put them under my pillow to eat after I went to bed. I had to share them with my little sister who shared a room with me and she still thinks of this as a fond chidhood memory. She doesn't really realize even now that she's 40 something, that there was an underlying problem with me doing that. She doesn't have an eating disorder. That's when I started sneaking food and overeating and I've done it ever since.

[Nina Kay]

Sharkie,
I'm back. Sorry that I had to rush off, so that now I'm having to make my post be 2 posts.

I'm sure that getting help with the depression will have some positive effect on your problem. I don't mean to sound negative, but the truth is that eating disorders are usually a lifetime battle and they get progressively worse as time passes. The good news is, if we admit our problems, then we can choose to work a recovery program and if we really are determined to go to any lengths to have recovery and keep it, then we can. There are 12 step programs called OA to help with this.

It also seems like a positive thing that you know exactly when this started and what happened to fan the flames, so to speak. If you can understand why these things affected you in such a way, then you can know exactly where and how to start working the healing process. I do know that coming here was a positive choice and I hope that you'll continue to come here.

[mamashell]

My childhood was dysfunctional to say the least. My maternal grandparents house was my salvation. My Grandma cooked HUGE elaborate meals 3 times a day. I learned to associate food with her warmth & caring nature. When I am depressed, I over eat. I go from one extreme to another. Sometimes I don't eat at all. I think it is my way of punishing myself for being unloved.