New, Need Help For Friend

[JB5]

My dear friend has an 18 year old who has been addicted to food since he was an infant. He is a brilliant kid who is unable to do a lot with his life now because eating consumes his every hour. He is also showing signs of gambling interest.

My friend has done everything humanly (and then some) possible for her son, an only child. He has seen top professionals and been to good camps and such throughout his life. He has tried different meds. He has had extensive therapy. OA is one thing they haven't yet tried. They are willing to go anywhere and do whatever it takes to get him help.

He has lost a great deal of weight but always put it back on. He consumes amounts of food unimaginable to most.

This is killing my friend who can't rest until she finds a cure. I am worried about her health and stress levels.

Any advice for them?

[Nina Kay]

I want to say Welcome JB5. That's very caring of you to come here to try and help your friend. I'm not sure what to say to you that would be of any help. I can say that I had never really thought alot about someone being addicted to food even from infancy, but I babysit and I've seen that to be true. It doesn't always have to do with beginning from stress or low self-esteem or family dynamics. It's literally in the genes for some.
I don't really know what to say about what the Mom needs to do, because I have an addict son and I go to Alanon and others go to Naranon for a recovery program for those of us who love addicts. It helps us to recover and the first step to that recovery is to accept and admit that we are powerless over the alcohol and drugs and that we are completely powerless over our loved ones' addictions. The addict (no matter what they are addicted to) has to want to recover so badly, for themselves, that they're willing to go to any lengths to have that recovery. We talk about the 3 Cs in the programs and they are for us as loved ones to remember: We didn't Cause it, We can't Cure, and We can't Control it.
Yes, I do believe that going to OA regularly along with a therapist and food counselor, would greatly benefit your friend's child. On the other hand, the Mom has to let it be the child's decision whether or not to seek recovery. In these cases, it's like her beating her head against a brick wall. It's just going to hurt and possibly kill her and the wall isn't going to budge.
I know that this sounds so sad and discouraging, but it's a hard truth. Maybe others will be able to offer you some help. They will be along shortly to share with you. Keep coming back here and maybe read the Stickies at the top of this page for more information on Eating Disorders.

[JB5]

Thank you Nina. I was married to an alcoholic and I understand how hard it is to come to grips with the fact that the addict needs to choose recovery.

I can't imagine when it's your child, how did you let go?