Losing Control...

[BigSis]

I had a "slip" this weekend... oh hell, I slipped right off the wagon!

Went to a conference in Seattle at an upscale hotel. Every meal but breakfast came with a dessert. I was not going to... but the chocolate cheesecake did me in. Then the next day's lunch had a creamy dessert cake and that night we went to Cheesecake Factory as a group... and traded desserts. Sigh. By then, I was already relapsing, and used that as an excuse to have tiramisu.

I did enjoy the food. I guess that is the good part - I didn't spend a lot of time feeling guilty and "bad". But now I am finding it very difficult to turn off the obsession!

We went to the fairgrounds last night for destruction derby & fireworks and *I* packed PBJs!! Then I ate TWO of them!! What is UP with that.

Today I am obsessing again. I want...want....want. I've started out ok - with oatmeal. But I need to get a handle on this obsessing. I went to an AA meeting over the weekend, and that helped. AA is far closer to what I need than Alanon or other programs available in my area.

If this were a booze relapse, I guess I would just welcome me home with open arms. And I need to do the same with this food stuff.

I need to tell myself I am only human. I made some choices... accept that they were what I needed at the time and MOVE FORWARD!!

Maybe a quick prayer will help.... now, why do I always think of that last?

(((hugs)))

[Nina Kay]

BigSis,
I'm just feeling like giving you alot of
((((((((((((((((Giggling Tight Squeeze Love Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))!!!! You are just precious. Remember that you and I are just human and we all slip from time to time. Just make a decision and stand firm on it. You CAN do this. I know, because you've done it before. We compulsive overeaters are just like the alcoholic, as you well know. One bite of our trigger food is too many and a thousand bites are never enough.

[Pony]

couldn't said it better myself Nina....You are so very right!! One bite is all it takes.... and the thousand bites are never enough.

Nice to see ya, here!! hugs

Sis, I know just how you feel, I kind of did that on vacation too, and then getting back home I started out great each day, but then allowed myself to obsess over food and the things that I "can't" have.....instead of thinking of them as the things I choose not to have. I have been struggling for about a week now with this....but I do feel mysefl coming around. Getting back into the gym really helps my attitude and choices.

[splendra]

(((((((((((((((((((((((BigSis))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))

Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way. You know the drill 1-2-3....

I love you gal...

[TryingisDying]

We have all done it....food is so much harder to recover from...an alcoholic never has to drink again...but food addicts still have to have the drug of choice in small amounts everyday....Hang in there...drink plenty of water and cut out the sugar again so the the cravings settle down......((HUGS))

[kelliegirl]

Yes...a person that's abusing a substance can overcome that. When you abuse something that's essential to life (meaning food) it's never going to be over. I've been watching reruns of "The Biggest Loser" on tv and I hear that same thing over and over. The weight will come off but these changes must be for LIFE. I am trying my best to tell myself that I am worth it and I will succeed. I believe you will find your answers. And there will be plenty of hugs and prayers when you need it.

[BigSis]

I've pulled out my OA books and am doing some reading... man, I can't believe how much that helps me!!

I am starting to get a "glimmer" of what abstinence in OA means. Just as an alcoholic does not give up ALL liquid, but only the alcoholic liquid, we OAers don't give up ALL food. That thought helps me.

The more I read the literature, too, the more I see that what I am REALLY trying to lose is the obsession. Once I lose that, my body may well just return to its "normal" size. Wouldn't that be incredible? The concept amazes me, but I am reading one personal story after another that seems to reiterate that same concept. And I have learned to trust that I am finding the information, exactly when I am ready to hear it.



PS... I have ALSO had to stop the gym this week... because I sprained my knee DANCING!! OMG... I was SO shaking my booty. 400 women, dancing and yelling and... spraining ourselves. Jeeze. But the DJ brought "dance heads" - a Green Screen set up (like the weatherman uses) and some cartoon projections so that only our HEADS show as we lipsinc to songs like "Wild Thing" or "I will survive"....while the cartoon bodies dance and wiggle. Too fun!!

Long hike with my Alanon gals coming up in a week... I NEED to get this knee healed. Now, which 14 year old inside my head thought that I NEEDED to dance for three hours straight, eh?

Today is better. Less obsessing, more self-love.

You guys help. Thank you!

[BeeBee]

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS BIG SIS}}}}}}}}}}

Hang in there, you can do this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Neagrm]

BigSis, loved your description of the dancing, but sorry about the sprain. Hope it heals quickly. You're such an inspiration to me. You'll get back to it here. We can do it.

Kellie, like your avatar, the roaring lion in the mirror, kitten looking in

Like Pony reminded me, I must remember I have a choice, I have a CHOICE.

[gratefulgal]

Originally Posted by TryingisDying

We have all done it....food is so much harder to recover from...an alcoholic never has to drink again...but food addicts still have to have the drug of choice in small amounts everyday....Hang in there...drink plenty of water and cut out the sugar again so the the cravings settle down......((HUGS))

yes, I agree that food is much harder to recover from than alcohol/drugs, but not all food contains a food addict's drug of choice, which is refined carbohydrates. I follow a food plan that is free from the addictive substances of sugar, flour and wheat, and I weigh and measure everything I eat because volume is also an addictive substance. When I follow my food plan, I am free from the addictive substances and can have the second thought if the mental obsession returns. When I am clean, I can truly work the 12 steps to address my disease and not just the symptom of the problem.

[cali]

Oh my goodness---I can't tell you how much I relate to your experience!
The "progression" with food is very much like alcohol's progression for me.
For me, I have to ask myself-from now on, "what am I going to do differently"?
(someone suggested that I ask myself that )

I like what you said about the quick prayer being last.........thank you I needed that reminder---
I don't want to keep doing the same thing over and over again......keep posting and sharing---I'll tell ya, this post helped me tremendously. I know that I am not alone!
((((((BigSis)))))))

[Biscuits]

Hey Bigsis

Theres not alot i can say that hasn't already been said in the other posts but do remember that we deal with a deadly desease, the food is cunning, baffling and powerful and looks for ways to creep into our lives and wreak havoc.

One thing i have learnt since being in recovery is that it's different for all of us and some of us need to learn the lessons differently, don't be to hard on yourself just hand it over to HP and continue to do the next right thing.

When i relapsed after one and a half years of being abstinent it destroyed me but no one turned their backs on me infact i think it made me more humble and i think that was i needed at the time cus i was kinda thinking i was cured lol. God shows me lessons in many ways, sometimes in humour, sometimes in love and now and again with pain but they are all good lessons as i tend not to make the same mistake twice.

Lots of love, hugs and prayers