Why is it so hard for me to admit "I need help"?!

[MeToo]

I've had a horrible week. the good news is that I'm still being honest with my husband and pastor and some the doctor.

But my mind has been on a train of thought that scares me to death.... my behaviors have spiraled out of control.....and I'm having a hard time even CARING about anything.

Some of this is related to adjusting to anti-depressant meds. Its been two weeks today that the Doctor put me on them. (he thinks I'm depressed in a bad way)

But the biggest thing I'm struggling with is how totally intolerable it is for me to be like this! I'm having such a hard time acknowledging and accepting that I canNOT just make myself okay..... No matter how hard I try....

and that that isn't some serious character flaw... its an unrealistic expectation of myself that I'd NEVER put on anyone else.....

I hate this! I hate being like this! I hate not being able to just stop and be okay.... I hate it that people actually KNOW I'm not okay.....

And I also know that until I stop raging against the inevitable, I'm stuck.....

I just wish I knew how to do that so I could get on with the program and get this stuff OVER WITH!!!

[2stop]

Dear MeToo,
I am sorry to hear you've had a bad week. Reading your post reminded me of myself several years ago. I know it is so extremely dificult to admit and then continue on to receive help. I am glad that you are taking the steps even though you don't feel like or even want to. This takes so much more courage than some realize. I always had the friends that said pull yourself together. you are strong, you can handle it. I would get so pissed off and frustrated and start questioning myself. Everyone wants control in their life. that is a normal desire. i think alot of the trouble starts when what we expect to happen and try to make happen doesn.t correspond with life on life's terms. Now I am no expert on this, i onlyknow what I am struggling with and have struggled with in the past. From bulimia, PTSD, bipolar, and a 20 yr addiction. I am still not liking reaching out for help. I feel vulnerable to the realities I've covered up with fiid and drugs and anger. But, let me tell you there are many people so willing to help you, just as I imagine you would gladly help another in need. It's funny how we don't want to give to ourselves the same kindness we will so willingly grant another. I don't know the particulars about your situation, but i can tell from your post you are in a great deal of pain and just wanted to offer any hope I could. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers today.
God bless, Tammie

[MeToo]

I just can't help but think how much easier all of this would be if I could just say... "somebody help me!"

Its scary feeling the way i am and knowing that I can appear so okay to everyone else....

Almost as scary as letting someone know just how not okay you are.... and dealing with what may happen on account of that....

Thank God for my husband and my pastor.... (the doctor is ok... LOL)

I don't think I'd make it without them..... And I'm trusting the Lord to keep me safe...... And get me thru all this..... Even if I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.....

[Pony]

MeToo,

I can identify with that feeling of being scared to ask for help. I don't know, for me it was a sign that I couldn't handle things...that I wasn't grown up or something. I grew up an only child and was taught to be independant. Not to rely on anyone to do anything for me, but on the same token I was to be available to do for everyone else. Not to think of myself (that was selfish I was told all to often) tht there are others that are in need more I needed to be mature and think of them.

So I grew up thinking that asking for help would be a sign of weekness; that I wasn't being an independant person if I didn't just handle whatever it was and get on with it. Then of course I didn't want people to know that I couldn't handle it myself because they would know I wasn't wonder women lol

Well I'm rambling....I just hope some of what I said lets you know that you're not alone. I struggle with this daily myself. Yet I have no trouble helping others!!! And I really do like to also.

Pony